Sunday, December 1, 2013

I've Moved

My new blog is up.  Still a work in progress but it is going now.

Go to

Sunday, November 24, 2013

A New Direction

I've decided to move to a new blog.  

Why?  I believe in the power of blogging to assit with accountability and a method of release.  I value what Finding Fit Me has done for me in the past but I feel its time to move on.   I will taking a new, big step in he journey of my life.  I also feel I needed a place for my WHOLE life not just one piece of it.  

Another reason for a switch is BALANCE.  Over the years the concept of balance seems to be a reoccurring theme in not only my life but in other blogs, friends etc.  My concept is to see how I will FIT it all in and maintain the long sought after balance.  

I also feel with this new transition I need new.  This blog is stale to me, probably why I haven't written in some time.  I'm the type of person who gets a kick out of new stuff.  I love opening a new package of anything.  

The plan is to launch on 12/1.  I am moving to word press so I'm in the process of figuring it out, help!!!!  I also bought my own domain which is also tricky to figure out.  

I know I don't have many readers but if you are still out there please join me.  I will post on 12/1 with the info.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Adjustments, schedules, on my

Left is full of alterations, changes, movement, adjustments.

See I had this pan to wake up at 6 am daily.  But life gets in the way.  It's not an excuse, it's an adjustment.  

The other night was a perfect example of this. Both kids spent night in a fort downstairs.  They finally settled at 10:30. Really late for them.  Well low and behold when hubby was getting ready for work at 3:30 am the boys were up and talking.  Um no way in hell. No way am I going to deal with 2 grumpy boys all day. So I had the little one come in bed with me.  He does this often.   No way am I going to wake up at 6am and disturb him where he will get up.  I adjusted and continued to sleep with him.  It was a weekend so no immediate plans. 

I am having a hard time adjusted to school schedule.  It's only been a week for us here.  We start really really late.  My idea was get up at 6am, do my workout for 30 min, shower and then do the kids stuff.  It's not enought time.  School Starts at 8am so we have to leave by 745am at the latest to drive, park, walk, etc.  Between 6am and 7:40 I have to also get breakfast for kids and myself, pack lunches, be the cruise directior "you brush you teeth, eat now...etc", pack backpacks.  I just can't seem to get the shower and workout in among all that.  Typically after drop off I am either heading to an appointment or working on PTA stuff at school so a shower before is necessary.  I really don't want to wake earlier.  I detest 6am as it is. 

I thrive on doing things for others and often let's MY stuff fall by the wayside.  For example I had no problem spending 3 hours at the school going thru membership forms but then I get home and I'm too pooped to do MY stuff.  I managed to rally after zoning out watching a show.  I managed to get my workout in, finish my laundry, clean kitchen, install home organizer, school pick up, soccer practice, deal with both kids attitudes (draining), homework, dinner, and on.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Trips done, I'm ready to move forward

It's 9pm here and I'm sitting on the remaining parts of my couch re watching last weeks Breaking Bad. I say the remaining parts of the couch because most of it is in my other room being used as a fort.  School starts Tuesday so I figured I would let's the boys have a last summer romp.  The boys are still up watching a movie.  My hubby is upstairs asleep.  He leaves for work at 4 am in the morning.  sexy night huh!  We finished out last trip of the summer on Thursday evening.   Friday I spent time picking up pieces and then a glorious afternoon at the beach.   Today was my first time as a mom with 2 kids in sports.  You see hubby works weekend, all weekend long so I'm basically a single parent carting around to sports all weekend.  He has been working weekends for almost 9 yeas..

Now that the summer trips are done I am more than ready to get some things done around here.   Its not just about my body it about all aspects of my life.   I will go into more detail later. 

Considering I really only competed 2 full weeks of the Jillian Michaels Body Revolution I decided to start over with day 1 on Monday.  I have basically maintained my initial loss plus or Minus bloating here and there. I want to also do my measurements is time.  

I had a rough time visiting my dad this week.  His grief over the loss of mom is very heavy right now.  On our visit we spread moms ashes.  It is an overwhelming feeling of knowing I am all he has, only child here.  I am not used to my parents being a strong part of my life.  They were always on the outer rim based on proximity and preference, theirs and mine.  Well,  now with mom gone we have entered a whole new ball game.   

Monday, August 26, 2013

Trip review, need sleep

I am wiped, it's Sunday as I am writing this post.  2 weeks of multiple trips, done.   I left for my first trip on August 12 after many many errands. The boys and I met up with a group of friends in palm desert area at a timeshare resort.  I mentioned this trip in a previous post.  I returned on that Thursday. During that trip we went to a waterside park.  It was fun.  My neck hurt from keeping it up on the rafts.  I thought about how I had absolutely no problem walking around in my bathing suit all day long and joining my kids on the slides.

That Friday I had errands in the morning and a birthday party about 45 min from my house.  Saturday was trip 2 prep.  Sunday the whole family left for our big camping trip. We were heading to Big Sur on the California coast.  Absolutely gorgeous area.  The first leg we drove a large portion of the way and stayed the night in a hotel in Pismo Beach.  I wanted to visit a college roommates new deli that specializes in gourmet potato chips.  Monday morning we drive up the crazy curvy highway one.   We hit our campsite in the afternoon.  Pfeiffer Big Sur State Park is amazing.  We stayed 4 nights and left Friday for 8 hour drive home.  Saturday night I went to a local campsite with my boys and camped the night with our Boy Scout troop.  I slept like crap but the boys had a blast.

our site
me and little one

hubby and big boy exploring way up top

What does this have to do with my Jillian Michaels program.  I decided to take a break because I could see a feasible way to get the 6 weekly DVD workouts in while on these trips.  On both trips I was very active.  Especially on the camping trip.  We hiked, biked, and boulder climbed.  

Monday am I am going to redo the week 2 workouts to get back into the swing.  I know that week 3 workouts are a bit more progressive.  I will clean up the eating to be lighter and on program.  I went off a bit on the trips.  School starts Sep 10 around here so I am in prep mode after camping clean up mode.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

WLS and how it's affects me

I will say this now and get it over with.  I will never get weight loss surgery (WLS) unless something absolutely crazy happens in my life.

That being said I am surrounded by WLS people.  There is the cute, fit blonde on the PTA who had had a gastric bypass.  My cousin over a year ago had a gastic sleeve and she is tiny.  Lately it's two of my really close friends.  One got the gastric sleeve in early June and the other in early July. 

As a friend it has been a strange transition.  These are two people where our normal outings were typically were surround by food.  Both friends were far bigger then me by at least 40 pounds.  Well friend 1 lost 50 pounds within 2 months.  The other friend is close to the same.  I would love to magically drop 50 pounds off my body in a blink of an eye.  

Truly it is frustrating to me.  I am struggling with being happy for their success. As I've said I would never ever do it.  I don't like the concept.   Logically I know a large large portion of their weight loss can make eating liquids only for weeks and then soft proteins.  Long term we will see how it goes for them.   

It is also amazing how differently each friend is approaching how they eat and how they "follow" the rules.  Let's just say PBnJ and potato chips don't seem like the best choice.  

Sunday, August 11, 2013

JMBR days 9-14

Weight day 8 = 218.8
Weight day 15 =  218.8  In am on aug12
Loss = -0

I am good with the weight and no loss for a few reasons.  The day before I ate too heavy.  The morning of the weigh in I had major stomach and bloating issues.  All this combined tells me it wasn't a true weight.

This week was a bit rougher.  I was hungry often and suffered a ton of cravings.  I think it is because my dinners haven't been as clean as they should be.  Plus not eating after dinner has been an adjustment.  The plan calls for breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner.   The snack to dinner and dinner to bed times are harder for me.  Especially on days when I am up and moving early.  

The exercises are great but I did skip 2 cardio sessions.  For one I mopped the whole house, the other I took a true break. The outside of my right leg is hurting a lot.  It's a tendon hurt not a muscle building hurt.  I've been using Bio Freeze, ice and massage on it.  Today it is much better.  Regardless of skipping the cardio I still got in 4 workouts this week.  4 is far better the none 

I need to improve on the waking up front. I let it all go and stayed up late for multiple reasons, stress, Breaking Bad season 5 review, orange is the new black, etc.  plus on Monday might I am leaving for a trip and returning Thursday then leaving on another trip Sunday.  I kind of figured why bother sticking to a sleeping schedule if I'm on vacation.  

Trip 1 is with a bunch of my girlfriends and their kids.  We have been doing this trip since my 9 year old was a toddler.  We go out to the dessert and stay at a timeshare with cool pools, lazy river, etc.  There is 5 moms and 11 kids between us.  I am bringing my own breakfast and lunches, dinner will be shared but my girlfriend and I shared our request to the others to keep the food of the lighter side.  This trip will be a challenge for me in 2 ways.  One is making sure I get the workout in.  Two will be food, it always about the food.  I don't want to over eat.  I don't want to eat crap.

I am a bit bit late on getting this out.  I am out of town with spotty Internet connection.  Yesterday we all spent the day at a watermark.  It was fun and I had no problems walking around all day in my bathing suit.  My neck hurts from keeping it up in the rafts on the rides.  

Thursday, August 8, 2013

JMBR Day 1-8

JMBR = Jillian Michaels Body Revolution.  If you want more details you can go here.

I started the program on July 29, Monday. 

Before I even started I had decided I needed to be more consistent with my sleep / wake patterns.  With that I decided I need to get up the same time every day.  So I choose 6:30 am and then switch to 6am when school starts.  Before that I was overdoing it on sleeping in.  I think part of this had to do with my depression over all that has been happening this year.  As my husband said its time for me to pull up my bootstraps and get going.  With this change I decided I wanted to workout first thing in the am.  Get it done, shower then start my day.  See part of the problem in my house and life is that consistency is a 4 letter word.  But to be successful in fitness and weight loss you need to be consistent.

The food program is great.  It had a 7 day kickstart if you choose.  I choose to skip it because I didn't want to go to extremes.  Food is my issue.  I knew that easing into it would be best for me.  The regular program is very clean but still has some bread carbs in it - love love.  I have been going to bed hungry but that's normal, that's how I should feel.  My dinners in week 1 need some improvement for sure.  I also need to work on the veggies.  I have a hard time getting them in.

The exercise is 3 phases with multiple workouts and cardio sets.  Week 1 was workout 1, workout 2, cardio1, workout 1, workout 2, cardio 1.   Yes if you are keeping count that is 6 workouts in a week.  Luckily they are only 30 min, which is perfect but sweat inducing.  Despite my weight I actually have a decent level of core fitness.  I also know how to position and move my body properly most of the time while working out.  With that in mind the workouts were not insanely hard.  For a real beginner I'd suggest paying careful attention to her corrections. 

I am over the moon thrilled with a 4 pound loss.  Funny thing is all week even up to Sunday I was toying with a 2 pound loss but the Monday am weigh in was a great shocker.  So shocked I had to adjust my goal for week 2.  

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Rock bottom

So the last time I posted was June 10.

I've hit bottom, rock bottom.  

This has been a craptastic year.  I will not go into details right now, I will over time.  The rock bottom moment was being put on blood pressure medicine a week or so ago.

Even before my Dr. visits I was already formulating a plan to get my butt in gear and back in shape.   I decided I needed a guide, a program, a method in which to get me going.  I've always respected Jillian Michaels.  I feel she really knows her stuff and is extremely well informed and educated on all things fitness and weight loss.  

I recently made a little slush money on eBay with some of my moms stuff.  So I decided to invest in JM's Body Revolution program.  It's a comprehensive 90 day program of fitness and nutrition.  

I wanted to write this post before I started but that didn't happen.  I am now on day 9.  Here is some stats I will write more later.

Start weight = 222.8 on July 29
Day 8 weight = 218.8 on Aug 6
Loss week 1 = 4.0 pounds

Monday, June 10, 2013

Day in The life-crazy??

I felt today was a normal on the busier side kind of day for me.

Alarm at 6:30, couldn't for life of me get up, neighbor texts at 7 that she we take, phew, a bit of a break.  Kids up, breakfast, shower, etc.  4 year old and I out the door at 8, someone already texted to see where I was.  At school writing checks for PTA expenses and helping clean PTA room.  Dropped of glasses at eye dr.   Back home and some computer work.  Called a friend and found out about a park play date.  Went to park play date. Did craft, socialized, left.   Bought lunch and picked up glasses.

Took 4 year old to open gym time and local kids gym.  He played, I watched and read a Sesame street booklet on when families grieve.  Back to school to write more checks and help friend deliver popcorn to classes.

Home again, a bit of much needed cleaning, some tv watching. Some more stuff.  Argue with 9 year old about his money earned and class he doesn't want to go to.  Take him to his class at 3:30. Home again, made some needed calls and appointments, pick up kid at 4:30.  unintentionally crash in my bed until 5:30, Make dinner, do dishes and leave house again.

Arrive at boy scout graduation at 6:30 come back home about 8pm.  Pick up more, a bit of tv, more dishes.  Get kids in bed and done by about 9:15, it's a process.  More dishes, there was a lot from weekend baking for a baseball party.  A few other things, reading, bath, and blog writing.  

Does that seem like a lot.

I've been having major sleep issues and feeling crap tastic during the day

It's 11:10 pm

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Spring cleaning

Not sure where my bug is coming from.  I don't know if its from the proverbial spring cleaning. Maybe it's turning 40 and I want to make some effective changes in my life.  Maybe I want to grow up, finally.

One project of the many I've been working on is redoing my closet.   It's a major low budget redo.  The only purchase I made was hangers.  Eventually we may get the closet completely re done especially its since its about to fall down.  We are re doing the bathroom where the closet is since that too is about to fall down.  I'm waiting for me tub to fall into my kitchen.

Before pics

I purged about 2 bags of clothes.  It was a combo of stuff I took from moms closet that eventually I decided not to keep and the other was stuff I don't wear or was stained.   I moved out all my thinner clothes (195 to 185).  I put then on the top of the closet and in a space bag.   

Not a dramatic change but still It's crazy I love the new look.  I love the organization.  I love the clean look.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Not so bad June 3 - proverbial day 1

Today was a great day all around.  Granted its 4:15 so it's still not over.  I went to bed way too late last night is I had a rough start, luckily my neighbor decided to take the carpool so I got a chance to snooze a bit more with the tornado 4 year old.  He decided to sleep in today.

Finally got moving and went to a pre arranged play date at the park.   Major multi tasking there.  Kid played with friends, I chatted with friends while also making my to do list, writing checks for the PTA and texted others about various questions.  Before we headed out I grabbed my tea with stevia and whey protein mixed with water.

Home for yet another estimate on my master bathroom (details later) and more PTA treasurer duties.  Back to school pick up but before I had 4 slices of turkey on wheat with sweet pickles, I waited a bit too long to eat.

Back home ago where I finished my closet project, see post coming up.  Was it on my written to do list, no but regardless it felt great to purge and finish something that has been process for a few weeks.

Now we are off again to a bank, eye dr and scout meeting at an indoor trampoline park.  Need to make sure I eat before.  

Update - 9:30 pm
Meeting was fun and productive. Kids played while parents planed next 6 months for scouts.  My little ones started feeling sick, peed his pants and pooped, got home and he had tummy issues (d-train).  Picked up house, snuggled with sicko, argued with hubby, logged food.  I ate 1342 calories, no exercise today.  Need more water before I retire and make up with cranky.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Start fresh June 2013

Weight = 218.2

Goal for June = 210

So yeah it's June 2, technically I should have weighed I on June 1.  Oh well, a day late but not a pound short, that's for sure.  As it stands I am writing this at 9:30 pm on June 2.

I am going back to basics. Bare bones basics. 

I have this messed up mentality with my regain.  I think it shouldn't be this hard to remove the weight the second time.  Stupid!  Guess what it's just as hard.  Requires the same effort as the first time.

So here is my how;
1.  Weigh in and update Sunday -my weeks are just too busy right now, always
2.  Log my food.  I will use a combo of a handwritten journal and my fitness pal
3.  Water water water - min 96 oz daily
4.  Blog, journal, keep my health on the forefront of my mind
5.  Exercise

This week;
Track my food.  Keep the portions under control and mindful.  Exercise at least 4 times. Make myself my number 1 priority first.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Conversation summary

The other day I had a phone interview with a holistic nutrition coach.  It was a strange conversation that I am still thinking about. 

Before the call I filled out a Heath history.   Resistance weight loss, felt best in 2010 when I hit 185.   Etc etc.  We talked about my goal.  I said 140 to 160, she said why is that because of the diet industry.  Ummm, no it's because when I hit 185 I wasn't done.  I still had lots of excess fat on me.  But I also have no idea what my ideal weight will be since I have always been big since early 20s.   Crap next week I hit 40.  20 years of being somewhere overweight.  Crap I never thought about it that way,   that's crazy.

So she asked me to visulaize myself at that weight.  Then Imagine my love life, my career and my finances.  How would would those things be bette at my goal.  Well I said no change.  I think this shocked her.  My career was fine when I was overweight and working.  My finances are fine now at wont change with weight.  My husband loves me now and will love me then.  I not very different from when I got got married 12 years ago.  Will I feel better?  yes.  Well I be happy to not have red mark from my pants and welts under boobs from my bra.  My confidence doesn't stem from my weight.  I don't beat myself up constantly about how I look.  

We talked about food and I mentioned I eat deli meat at lunch.  She claimed deli meat is processed.  Come on.  I'm getting a bit tired of the crazy.   A nice piece of sliced turkey that looks like turkey is processes?  I don't think so, come on.

I don't think I need her help.  I have the knowledge.  I can do the research.  

Holy Hannah its fricking hot

My fat ass is not ready for summer.  Today my car said the outside temp was 101.   Crazy thing is just a week ago it was rainy and high 50s.  Crazy swing in temps.  I was pulling long sleeve shirts and pants out of the dryer today.  The swing is insane. I don't like being hot unless I'm in the water.  I'm not happy with all the extra layers I have..

The summer challenge stated and I made a big mistake in the beginning.   I went too hard, too fast, too soon.  I killed my body and I was beat down to oblivion.  I also got competitve at a workout and pushed myself too hard.   My strength is still there, the endurance isn't.  Food choices are all across the board. 

Someone in the challenge lost 8 pounds in the first week.  Piss off.  Low and behold this same person stopped drinking her 3 monster energies a day.  Well hell if I drank like that I would lose quick.  The sugar and caffeine alone equal so much water weight.  

I want to feel better and look better.  The puffy fluffy body is bad.   I do read all the blogs bit honestly I don't have time to comment.  Plus the commenting is frustrating.  I read all the blogs I subscribe to on Flipboard on my iPad.  It links to google reader somehow.   I know it's going away but I don't know how to transfer.  Chubby McGee if you are reading this you are beautiful with you cute tush and flat tummy. Yes,  it is flat.  

Friday, May 10, 2013

Friday may 10

I'm sitting here, eating my breakfast of cottage cheese and an Ezekiel muffin, thinking about blogging and the scale, etc.

I wish I had more time to blog. I feel like I barely have time to breath lately. So many balls to juggle.

I joined the summer competition. Been working out consistently for 2 weeks. Major ouchy here and there. Lots of fatigue the first week. Strength is still there but endurance is in the crapper. Here is a major pisser. Of of the ladies said she lost 8 pounds in the first week. Well low and behold she went from drinking 3 monster energy drinks daily to 0. Figures! If I ate crap I could loose 8 pounds but I don't eat crap 70% of the time.

I have so much more but no time. Off to work!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Things that make you hmmm

I cannot stress this enough!!!! -Chelsea

It's amazing how many people to this day are solidly convinced that the top triangle is the way to go. No people, it's all about food.

I like this video.

Fun illustration. For me 2000 is a bit high if I want to be in weight loss mode, more like 1600.

I am seriously contemplating joining a summer weight loss challenge. It starts may 1 to June 12 and has a chance to in $400. It is at a gym where my former kettle bell instructor works and I love the gym. The other day hubby asked what can he do to help me get going. I was honestly stumped for an answer. Tomorrow makes a month since mom passed.

Saturday, April 13, 2013



Returned home on Wednesday and have been running steady since. 2. 1/2 weeks away. Yikes. Along with all of moms stuff I brought home I have a ton of crap to do. It's a bit overwhelming but I am just taking it bit by bit.

My weight is bad. I was fooling myself into thinking I wasn't eating that bad at dads house, I was. Sure I was walking but that wasn't enough.

I was 219 on Thursday morning.

I have a mini goal of 200 on my 40th birthday on May 22. More on that later.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Added another

Tomorrow is going to be so difficult for me. I have been with my dad since March 24th. 2 1/2 weeks away from my home and family. Sure the time and reason for me being here sucks but its also way different from home life. Dads house is quiet, nothing was demanding my attention and the only needs I had to meet were my own or sometimes dad. When the boys came to visit Thursday to Sunday it was a big smack in the face. It will also be hard to leave my dad. He even said it will be hard coming home to an empty house. I feel like I'm being pulled two directions.  Dad's house deck in pic, peaceful  quiet, so unlike my house.  There is even a small river in the background.

Let me explain. I am only child but my parents were easy. We never had the relationship where I needed to check on them, call often, or make sure they did such and such. I feel with moms passing I now feel like I added another child. That may be harsh because dad is perfectly fine, semi healthy at 65 and capable. But still I have added another worry to my worry plate. He lives so remote, has 2 big dogs and few friends. What happens if one of the dogs trip him and he breaks a leg. I have suggested a life alert or something.

Exercise - I will admit it here, when I had the infection in my arm last November it scared the crap out of me. I stopped all intentional exercise from that point. I had some days here and there but nothing consistent. After mom passed and during my 2 1/2 weeks at Dad's I walked 2 to 3 hilly miles at least every other day. I honestly thought I would have a hard time but I didn't. My fitness has somewhat remained.  I seriously thought I would be super out of shape.  I am pleasantly surprised that its not as bad.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

Not an April Fools post

Today is April 1. The first 3 months of 2013 were insane, crazy, sad, tough, on so on. I am at a loss for enough words to describe it all.

My mom passed away from kidney cancer on March 25th. Just a short week ago. she battled this cancer for 6 years. Most likely the cancer developed from years of high blood pressure. Holy crap has it really been only a week. It feels like a lifetime. Even crazier it was a month a day from my last post on 2/24.

I am deeply thankful that my mother in law flew in from Florida to be at my house to watch the kids when hubby has to work. This allowed me to not only be present for my moms passing but also to be around for a few weeks for dad to help him with the next stage. We have been sorting moms items and spending time together. They were married 42 years. Amazing. I may have more to say later but now I am at a loss for words.

I know that before I left to my parents on March 24 I was somewhere around 215. I am ready to bring the focus back to me. It's time. I need to do this. I want to go hard core but I still have 2 weeks here at dads. I would like to have May 1 be 210. Not too tough.

While at Dads I am going to focusing on moving. I haven't exercised consistently in months. I will move by walking 5 of 7 days. Unfortunately it has been raining the last 2 days.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Holding steady

I'm still here.

I haven't gained any weight. I haven't lost any at all. I've teetered between 211 and 215.

I am ok with that. Life is insane right now and I am trying not to feel the insanity. This month I drove to my parents twice. Over 2000 miles without help. I have been dealing with the reality of my moms impending death. Hospice was a relief and a sadness at the same time. I knew she was heading this direction and its a relief to move to the next phase, a relief for my father who was stressed beyond belief. Hospice provides him the help and assistance he has needed. Hospice has forced my mom to accept her position and use the help she needs, like a walker and a shower chair.

It's very hard to focus on myself right now. It's also hard to maintain the "normal" of life with a husband and 2 young boys while 330 miles away nothing is normal.

I could say so much more but I need to sleep.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Sunday Sunday Sunday

I've been a bit quite here. It wasn't intentional.

I hit my January goal of 210. I showed a loss and the mid competition check in.

I've been busy getting baseball going among the 5000 other things. Any mom of a little leaguer knows my pain. I am the team mom, fun fun. I love it but it takes some work to have two practices and a batting cage night every week at 6pm. Now the games are at 630, so late. He just turned 9.

I am also on my second trip in 2 weeks. This one is the fun one. I am up in the mountains at a scrapbooking retreat at a bed and breakfast. This was planned long before all the crap with mom. It is nice to get away for myself for a few days. The weird thing is I get stomach issues when I come here. I prepared more this time by bringing tums and more of my own food. Still having problems, lots of bubbles in my tummy lets say. Is it the altitude?

I leaving on my 3rd trip in 3 weeks on Thursday. I am taking the boys up to see my mom. It's what I have to do. It means I will be going on 3 weeks with barely seeing my husband. I will see he a bit tonight but that's it.

Honestly with all the crap going on I will be happy at maintaining 210. Sure I want to drop more but do I really have the "space" to focus on it.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Suck ass Thursday

Sorry if this is a bit of a downer or at least my last few posts, etc. But hey this blog is for me and this is my space to purge my mind. In order to be fit I need to be fit in my head.

Yesterday was my parents 42nd anniversary. 42 plus years of being together. Amazing. I come from good bones. Well today January 31 mom was told she is entering hospice. No more cancer fighting. The fight is over. The last stage has begun. My husband asked me if I'm ok with the news, honestly I am. I think I knew this was a possibility more than my parents. When we got home I was again full of nervous energy. Since the hospice nurses will be coming to the house soon I decided to clean my parents rooms. I washed all the blankets, dusted, vacuumed, and mopped. I know how much better I feel with fresh clean sheets and blankets.

An aside - I've heard I said that all your evolution goes out the window when your are around your parents. So true. My dad noticed I was heating something for a late lunch and he felt the need to tell me that I eat too much. Grr grr grr. Mom commented earlier and dad made 2 more comments. They don't subscribe to the eat often idea. they are old school big meals type.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

What did you do on a Tuesday night at 730

After tucking in my mom at 730pm i had a ton of nervous energy. Yes I said that correctly I had to tuck in my 65 year old mom in bed. So what did I do with the energy. Did I stuff my gullet with treats to calm myself down. NO

I chose to scrub the fifthly stovetop and clean out the fridge. Yes, at 8pm I was scrubbing a stove and cleaning out a fridge. That's why I am here without my kids. I am here to help my very stressed out dad. Seems like every time I come here I am cleaning bad food out of the fridge. I think its one of the many things Dad just doesn't get to or do. It was my moms thing. Dad has been subsisting on quick cook meals, think frozen. Mom hasn't been eating. I want to prep so some food for him but cooking smells make mom nauseous. I will figure something out.

I ask myself if this is really the time for me to be trying to focus on losing weight and getting fit?

Update - above written last night. I am grateful that I am able to be at my parents house for 4 days while my wonderful husband takes care of the kids, including a dr appointment. I am thankful we have at least 1 car that can make the 330 mile 2 mountain range drive. Our other car is nicknamed the blue bomber. We need a new car but don't want a payment. I am grateful I don't have to work full time and would be unavailable to take time off. Yes this week is hard but I need to be here and am thankful I can be.

Taking lessons from others

The other day there was a fairly pregnant (volleyball size belly) but very thin women in line in front of me at Wahoos. She was ordering a fish salad. She wanted to make sure it was grilled, no butter and with the no fat green sauce.

At first I'm screaming in my head - geeez you are pregnant, enjoy for shits sake. But then I though again. Maybe girlfriend has major body issues and the swollen belly is putting her over the edge. The more rational thought was that she isn't fat because she makes a conscious effort To be that way.

Pregnancy is not excuse to let go but on the other hand your baby needs some good fat to help it grow. There is macro nutrients your body needs. That one of the big reasons why I love Jillian Michals. She is realistic about diets. Cringes when people go on low carb diets. On her recent podcast she was talking to a women who lost 140 pounds and was having a problems with maintaince. The caller said she would go back to eating like a normal person and the weigh would pile back on. The caller said she lost the weight doing low carb. After some back and forth the caller described her latest normal person lunch was a bacon cheeseburger with fries. This killed JM for a few reasons. JM said weight loss is all about the math but if you don't teach your body to eat you will have problems adjusting. That is not a normal person's lunch. In her example she told the caller you can have a cheeseburger, no bacon one, no fries. If you want the bacon then go with a lettuce wrap. The rest of the day you eat light and exercise. Summary is you calorie balance. The caller said she never counted calories the whole time she lost the weight. What I like about JM is she talks about the balance of it all.

I am not a huge fan of calorie counting but I get the mechanics of it. It is a necessary evil if you are eating more than chicken and veggies all day.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Holding steady

My weight is staying at the low of 211. I will make my goal of 210 for the end of the month.

I am heading out of town on Tuesday to my parents to help out my dad. He is overwhelmed with the care of my mom. She has been very very sick for a long time. The cancer dr said she doesn't have enough cancer in her body to be this sick. She will eventually. She is getting another scan this week. It might be a very bad reaction to the chemo.

I won't be able to weight in on the 31st. I will on on Saturday the 2nd. Since I am traveling with no kids, yeah, I will prep some car foods and try not to stop.

The household is improving. The flu hit my 3 year really hard. I got a touch of it. Hubby and big boy have stayed healthy, thank goodness. The house impoloded the last few weeks. Yesterday and today I have been doing major cleaning, dusting, organizing. I am beat but I am trying to remain focused and on task. Finish and move on. Leaving incomplete jobs is frustrating. Unfortunately it means my kids are on their own my of the day. I am working on some life skill with the 9 year old. Folding and hanging clothes. He complains why his brother doesn't need to do this. Um, he is 3.

Below is one of my favorite go to lunches. 2 slices whole wheat, 4 slices turkey, tomatoes, avocado, arugula, super light real mayo, aoil mustard. Yummy comes in about 396 calories.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Sickness makes weakness

Crap it's been 7 days since I posted. Not intentional. Last week I lost another pound and was down to 211.8. I don't think the scale will be pretty tomorrow. It's been a very very long week. Wednesday my almost 4 year old came down with something. Cold or flu, who knows, what is the difference. He had fevers wed thru Sunday. He has some congestion and a cough. He is finally on the mend. I've been feeling very low and exhausted. Sunday, I started feeling much worse. Today about the same. Besides all the other regular stressors and a very sick clingy kid my moms health is taking a big down turn. It's a heavy heavy weight on me. I was planning on traveling up there but with this cold, I can go newar my mom right now.

The point to all this is that our/my food choices haven't been fantastic. I am weak when I am stressed and under the weather. I don't make good choices. I feed my emotions. Big area that I need to focus on. It will take time.

I tracked my food today and stayed under my calories. I second guessed myself and had to a mental check that I tracked everything.

I am hoping that the rest of the family stays healthy. 2 of 4 down

Monday, January 14, 2013

Mid month update

Remember my goals for jan
1. Weight 210
2. Have my downstairs bathroom remodel done
3. Exercise 30 min at least 15 days
4. Track my food with either my diary or my fitness pal app 70% of the month. 31 days in jan minus 2 days for 1st and 2nd = 20 days.
5. Project plan master bathroom and little one bedroom remodel
6. Prep for scrap booking weekend in feb
7. Plan son's 9th birthday

I have less than 1 pound to 210.

Downstairs bathroom - um well see the picture below. This is actually hubbies project. My job is to make sure he has time to do it and keep him motivated. It's a fine line between keeping him motivated and nagging him. Honestly I think it will be a fat chance in hell it will get done.

So I'm having a hard time with this one. Mental roadblock. Only 1 day down. Lots of catching up.

9 days down of food tracking.

I know what I want to do with my bathroom and little one's bedroom. I have the ideas in my head, just got to get them down.

Scrapbook weekend is coming up quick. No progress here.

Son's 9th birthday is 90% planned. Just have to order the food. It was by the grace of a good friend I was able to get this done. It was also due to my courage to ask for help because I need it with all the crap going on, see yesterday's post.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

I'm dealing the best I can

I had a whole post written and I lost it completely.

My stress level has increased 10 fold. My mom has to make a big life changing decision. Mom has been fighting kidney cancer for 4 years. The chemotherapy was a tool to continue her life and stop the growth of the tumors. It was never going to cure the cancer. She needs to decide if she wants to continue chemotherapy. Her body has been destroyed. She really hasn't been living. She has been existing between the couch and bed for months. Unfortunately my parents live 330 miles away. It takes me a full day to travel there. I have to put aside some of my own "things" to visit them. That make my issues with balance even harder. Last night I had a tough talk with my mom. I told her I don't think she should continue. It's a big decision because there will be no turning back. I just hope she will have a twilight period of feeling better and able to do things before she enters hospice care.

I managed to get in a small hike yesterday. I want to get in the treadmill today but I hurt. I have a headache, I'm cold, achy, tired and feel like crap all over. Hubby asked if it was my mom or potential flu. How would I know. I am tracking my food today and not going off the rails no matter how tempting.

If you use my fitness pal my ID is mommaceo. Friend me.

It's 3 pm. I'm trying to motivate. Or maybe throw the towel in on today.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

BL from a different perspective and exercise

So Biggest Looser is back. For some reason I have watched this show year after year. There is parts of it I love and other parts that are downright silly.

Last night hubby and I were watching it. Hubby has never been obese. He is thick at times but no more that plus 20 from his ideal. As we were watching they were showing some of the back stories and many of the contestants mentioned in some form or other I have my (kid, etc) I want to be healthy for Etc etc. Well hubby got frustrated at the people and says why don't they just do it. Classic example was TC. They guy gets in a car accident and his seat crushed his kid. The seat probably wouldn't have broken if he wasn't so fat. Did he make any changes since the accident, NO. Hubby is like why not. It's not that simple, not so back and white. Hubby is a black and white thinker.

If just do it where that easy then we wouldn't have an obesity epidemic.

I love the red line. No BS. I hope they keep it.

I am having a difficult time getting to the exercise. Over thinking it, too much on my plate, don't know. Once I get started I will go gangbusters. But it's the getting started. I don't know why such a huge roadblock.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Weigh in 1/8/13, my day, my snacks, challenges

Weight = 212.8
Loss = -2.6

My go to snack / meal of choice is Fage fruit yogurt with ground flax meal. I love that the fruit is separate. Sometime other yogurt are too sweet. Most of the time I only use half of the fruit - less sugar. I add the flax for a fiber enhancement. I get it at my local sprouts in the bulk bin.

Today is one of this days where I am hungry but don't have a ton of calories left. I know it is because I am adjusting to the flub from yesterday.

Tonight will be a challenge. It's book club night. My girls love to bring the snackies and wine. I have major issue with social eating. I love the variety but I also use the food as a crutch. I am shy and teeter on socially awkward, so I use food to avoid conversation. Tips from a friend - bring hot lemon water, eat before, focus on conversation not the food. All Todd but I feel weak right now.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Calorie counting woes

I understand why I need to calorie count right now. I am retraining my body to understand how to eat to lose weight and be clean. I know at some point it will become more instinctive. I understand the concept of calorie deflect. Side note - I listen to Jillian Michael's podcast and she whammies that point in. Love her podcasts, especially now she is a momma.

The quality of what you eat is important. I am a firm believer in whole food eating. I am not eating all organic mostly due to the cost. I can't convince hubby of the benefits of eating organic meats etc. Although I believe in this it doesn't mean I do it all the time. If I did I wouldn't be in the fat situation I am in now.

My frustration with calorie counting is when like me you don't eat packaged food and you cook meals all the time. It make the process tedious trying to figure out what is in your meal. Some shortcuts I use are to not count the veggies like onions etc. They hardly have any calories to worry about. Or I approximate using a known restaurant meal equivalent. Yes that can be tricky. I could be serious under or over estimating the amount of calories. Lets hope it's more on the over.

Today I flubbed in the morning.  School is back in and I was running late.  I left the house without eating, returned to school with son's medicine that we forgot and then my Tornado (3) wanted a donut.  I needed to run an errand in the same center.  I went in the store saying I won't but I left the store in a completely different state.  I know it wouldn't have happened if I had been not running around like a crazy chicken, I had prepared in advance and I had eaten.  I used the res of the day to move on. Did a ton of housework and kept the food under control.

Friday, January 4, 2013

A whole in my stomach dear Liza

Hungry. !!!!!!!

I am so hungry right now. Now matter what most of the day I have been hungry yet I feel like I have been eating all day long. Crazy. It's 7 pm and we will be eating dinner soon. I have set my fitness pal to 1800 calories per day. Reasonable. Since Wednesday I have been adjusting to calories reduction. First day my extremities were cold. Yesterday no issues. Today hungry all fricking day long. Below is what I have eating up until today. The egg and ham snack was a 2 in piece square of an egg casserole hubby made with fake eggs.

I have about 600 calories left. Dinner will be ready in a min.

I didn't eat all my meals at one serving. For example early I'm the am I had the toast, then much later I had the fage.

I am using blogger on my iPad. I don't like not being able to put the pics where I want them.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

New Years Resolutions.... Sort of

My official New Years weigh in......

I was at my parents on the first and driving all day. Start is today.

So that is a gain of 10.8 for 2012. Not an insane number.

Unfortunate that also means a gain of 30.4 from my low of 185 from March 2011. That sucks ass.

Moving onward. That's all I can do right!

I could write about my new year resolutions but are they any different than every year? not really. Same as most.... Blah blah lose weight, blah blah get organized. Etc etc. so I figured I would try something different. I will set monthly objectives and a few larger goals. I will also include some rewards.

By Jan 31 I will:
1. Weigh 210 pounds
2. Have my downstairs bathroom remodel done *
3. Exercise 30 min at least 15 days
4. Track my food with either my diary or my fitness pal app 70% of the month. 31 days in jan minus 2 days for 1st and 2nd = 20 days.
5. Project plan master bathroom and little one bedroom remodel
6. Prep for scrap booking weekend in feb
7. Plan son's 9th birthday

Bigger goal will be 200 pounds. I am thinking by March. When I hit it I want to redo all my makeup. I really have crap for makeup. My tornado (3 year old boy) destroyed most of it and I am making due with a few piecemeal items. I have no lipstick. I rarely wear makeup but maybe I will start more often. My blonde lashes need emphasis.

My chicken scratch food journal