Sunday, July 22, 2012

Gut Check

My visit with my parents was a series of gut checks (GC).

GC #1 - Moms condition is deteriorating and she is no longer the same person.

GC #2 - Because of #1 I have to make choices that may not always be in my best interest. Like skipping out on my planned hike to visit with my bed bound mom an extra day or to help my dad out.

GC#3 - Dad discussing money plans post moms passing.

GC#4 - Dad commenting he doesn't understand my food choices while we were out to lunch at Mimi's Cafe. Also commenting a few other times during the week. Had to admit that I haven't been eating on plan for awhile.

GC#5 - it frustrates me that because of my moms condition, my parents can't do much. It made me sad to hear them talking about canceling a small trip because of health issues and so many unknown factors - no control. They also haven't been able to visit. I want nothing more than to see my parents do the things they want to.

GC#6 - Mom saying I am a binge eater and she wants to see me healthy before she passes.

GC#7 - at breakfast at home dad asked mom if she wanted his last turkey sausage link, she said no. I said I would take it. His response "do you really need it"

This is only a fraction of what I dealt with this week. I am emotionally exhausted.

Monday, July 16, 2012

9 Months

I've been pregnant 4 times in my life. I have 2 beautiful boys. I know I can commit to 9 months.

Another kid - hell to the no!!

Here's the story. I had a wonderful free day with an awesome friend. We walked, shopped, talked, and noshed for almost 10 hours. We talk about everything. No holds barred. She asked if I could commit to 7 days a week clean eating, 5 workout days, how long would it take for me to reach my ultimate goal.

210 current - 140 ultimate = 70 pounds / 2 reasonable per week pound lost = 35 weeks. Roughly 9 months.

I get caught up in the details often. I was thinking. How would I eat. What is the right way. We talked about no dairy and no bread. Ezekiel bread and rice cakes ok. Free fruits and veggies.

What's 9 months worth. I can still be social, just not social eating.

I've done 9 months before.  Why not again?

Is being able to eat the yummys at Bunco really that important?

Can I survive book club without eating?

When it's so simply put it front of you, it looks easy.

Friday, July 13, 2012

It happened today - grrr

What's the one thing no fat women wants to hear???

You know what it is. Especially if you look like me, apple shaped big belly.

Who else has big bellies?

Figured it out yet...
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Oh yeah someone said I was expecting, pregnant.

It was my car mechanic so I didn't correct him

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Weekly Weigh In 7/10/12

I missed last week.
I really don't want to write this down.
I haven't been perfect but I also don't understand what is happening.
Here it goes.

Weight = 210.2
Loss = +2.2

Seriously.

I'm not even sure what to say.  I hit a block or maybe my brain stop working from hitting my head on a wall.

On a PCOS note - I have been taking Metformin for a long period of time. I am not diabetic, my endo uses it to control my PCOS. I suspected for awhile that it hasn't been working. I ran a small expirement last week. I measured my blood sugar throughout the day. I ranged between 86 and 138 but averaged between 98 and 110. My understanding is that over 100 is diabetic range. I have deep respect for type 1 diabetics like my friend's 10 year old. Testing your sugars is a pain. I plan on taking the results to my Dr. Is the reason for my persistent gain? Maybe?

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Summer Harvest

Our garden is slowly producing a garden bounty. The zucchini is producing like crazy. I need recipes big time. Hubby dislikes zucchini boats.

I've had a ton of green onions, Anaheim peppers, a few Roma tomatoes and the Cherry tomatoes (in pic) are just turning red.

Keeping the pumpkin plants at bay is proving difficult. The weeds are hard to get to. Time to do some garden work before our trip.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Sleeping in

No weigh in today. I was able to sleep in and then I had an appointment. By the time I got home I had already eaten.

Exercise has been blah. Last day was Thursday. I have plans for tomorrow morning. One of those crazy 1.5 hour workout with all the bells and whistles. I'll try to take a picture.

2 house parties planned for tomorrow. Plans are to load up on the water, stay busy with conversation and steer clear of the food spread. Both parties are with acquaintances which means I will be shy and uncomfortable.

Have a great and healthy 4th.

Monday, July 2, 2012

8 Days

This one maybe only the mommy’s can relate to.

I have 8 days of freedom.  8 days my entire family will be out of town.  8 days were I have only my needs to attend to.  The fun begins on July 14.

What the hell am I going to do with myself!

The intention of my husband taking the kids to the family reunion in FL is so that I can spend time alone with my mom.  Trust me I will be doing that but not for 8 days.  8 days alone with your parents is a bit too much.

I feel nervous, excited, scared, anxious, and a bunch of other stuff.  I have been a stay at home mom for 5 years now.  I worry about my boys flying, I worry about my husband alone with the boys.  Don’t get me wrong, he is great but 8 days is a long time. 

My parents live 330 miles North East of me, My old college town is North west.  My first stop on my way to my parents (a big triangle) will be to visit my first college roommate in my college town.  It is a beautiful place.  While at my parents I plan on Hiking Yosemite’s Mist Trail to the top of Nevada fall (7 miles, about 2000 foot gain).  When I return home I have a big list of projects and plans with a friend.  I basically told her let’s do something we really want to do that we can’t with kids.  Maybe Venice Beach, Hollywood, a museum, LA eateries, etc.  Who knows.