Monday, June 11, 2012

The Flip Side but Which Side?

I am in crisis mode when it comes to my weight.  I am teetering somewhere between 204 and 208.  I feel gross and pissed that I gained 20 pounds in a year, plus.  I’m really not looking forward to bathing suit season or the river trip next week with a bunch of skinny bitches.

In May I hit my 39th birthday.  I asked my parents to pay for a few months of my Kettlebell boot camp classes.  Sure, I could workout on my own but right now my mindset is not in the place to self motivate.

I've mentioned before and showed that I mostly lost weight by eating sensible, clean and mostly whole foods.  I tried a few different routes here and there but never any traditional diets (weight watchers, etc).  No packaged or fake foods were in my life.  I still don’t use any artificial sweeteners or sodas.  No high fructose corn syrup either.  My ultimate goal would be to be an intuitive eater.

But  … all the old habits and issues came back over the last year along with the weight. (Duh!).  Portion control went out the door.  Making correct food choices, gone.  Not bingeing – gone.  Regularly exercising – not consistent.  What I miss most is the level of satisfaction I had with good clean food and smaller portions.  That satisfaction hasn’t returned.

When I asked my parents to pay for the exercise class it opened the door for them to offer more help.  While visiting over Memorial Day weekend I was asked if I considered looking into a weight loss program.  I was told they would like to pay for it.  Well that’s a smack upside my head.  I told them I would think about it. 

Fast forward a week or so and my mom calls telling me they are ”serious about helping me out and please look into it.”

I am at a big impasse, unable to move forward.  I made 1 call today to a nutritionist that runs a program at my Dr’s office.  There is another program I want to go to an orientation meeting.

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