Friday, June 29, 2012


Slumps are like a soft bed.
They're easy to get into and hard to get out of.

Johnny Bench

Couldn't agree more.  Sums up my first half of 2012.  It won't define the second half.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Why Version 2.0

I'm done with ......

Looking back
Investigating the why
Feeling guilty about gaining weight
Gaining weight
Feeling crappy
Not fitting in my clothes
Feeling like a fraud and failure
Disappointing myself and my loved ones.

Time to move forward. It's not time to throw in the towel with this blog. When I was doing IT, this blog helped me be successful. It worked as a journal, a place for me to work some things out. It also helped knowing someone, somewhere out there is reading it and might get something from my struggle.

On the other hand I don't know how often I can post. My priorities have to come first. My priorities being my kids, myself, my husband, my marriage and my home - in no particular order. Unfortunately that probably means I will be posting more on the weekends - blog wasteland. My life is not a normal 9-5 weekday situation. I often have to roll with the punches and readjust.

Sure, looking back might be useful in some situations. But I am done. I guess the only think I will think about is that yes I did it and I can do it again.

So far this week I have - hiked wed, hiked thur and boot camp.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Finding the Fit Girl Version 2.0

Starting weight = 208.0

7/3 - end of June weight 206
9/4 - end of summer weight 195

This next week I will focus on water, no fast food, and exercise a min of 3 days.

My why will be explained in another post.

Tonight will be our first camping trip as a family. I've camped most of my childhood. Hubby says he camped. We have never camped as a family. Granted we are camping about a mile from our house as the crow flies and we are taking 2 cars, just in case. Still it's a beautiful campground full of trails and nature. I live on a Mesa just above a large ravine that connects to a mountain range. Total suburbia smack next to nature. Seriously, I can walk to Target and Lowes.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Back Home

Can’t believe it’s been nearly a week since I posted.  We were out of town Monday thru Thursday.  We had a blast and a blast of super bad luck.  We stayed at Harrah’s in Laughlin NV and went see-dooing and boating on Lake Mojave. 

No matter how much I plan ahead I always seem to running like a chicken with my head cut off right before a trip.  Monday was exhausting and a huge rush trying to get it done.  Hubby worked all weekend thru Monday so all the packing, etc. was on me.  On the way out we stopped at Chipotle in Barstow.  Apparently since my hubby was in a rush I left my entire purse there.  The store contacted triple A who in turn got a hold of me on my cell.  The manager said she would put my purse in the safe until my return on Thursday.  The next day my hubby lost his wallet in the lake (improper closing of the latch on the see-do).  Ok so now with both have no ID, no cards but we did have enough cash to get us thru.  Fast forward to Wednesday and hubby starts the frustrating process of calling the CC’s.  Come to find out MY CARD was used fraudulently in Canada.  It could have been a coincidence because when I picked up my purse, nothing was missing (cash too).  When we retuned the see-doo we borrowed from a co worker my husband hit the trim of his garage with the hatch of my car, taking a chunk out of the garage and ruining my rear wipers.

Even with all this we had two blissful days on the lake. 

River June 2012

I know I am 20 pounds heavier than the last time we meet this group.  I didn’t let any of that stop me.  I wore my suit, I rode the see-do, I jumped off a cliff and I rode the raft thing on the left above.

Hubby asked why I packed so much.  The sad answer is that I don’t know what fits and how I will feel in it at the moment.

I am ready to get it done.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

My A** Handed to Me

Today I got my a*** handed to me. I arranged a sitter and went to my trainer's super Sunday class. It's an hour and half of torture.

We started with a cardio warmup and the used weighted bars. Next was a circuit with trx, weighted twists, bidi ball push ups, sit ups, shoulder press, Jacob's ladder (torture), ab roller, heavy ropes, tire swings, dead lifts, box jumps and sled pulls. I think we did 2 or 3 circuits. You'd think we were dive, sadly no. Next was bag kickboxing.

I am trying to decide on my blogs direction. Do I continue, quick, revamp? I don't know.

Monday, June 11, 2012

The Flip Side but Which Side?

I am in crisis mode when it comes to my weight.  I am teetering somewhere between 204 and 208.  I feel gross and pissed that I gained 20 pounds in a year, plus.  I’m really not looking forward to bathing suit season or the river trip next week with a bunch of skinny bitches.

In May I hit my 39th birthday.  I asked my parents to pay for a few months of my Kettlebell boot camp classes.  Sure, I could workout on my own but right now my mindset is not in the place to self motivate.

I've mentioned before and showed that I mostly lost weight by eating sensible, clean and mostly whole foods.  I tried a few different routes here and there but never any traditional diets (weight watchers, etc).  No packaged or fake foods were in my life.  I still don’t use any artificial sweeteners or sodas.  No high fructose corn syrup either.  My ultimate goal would be to be an intuitive eater.

But  … all the old habits and issues came back over the last year along with the weight. (Duh!).  Portion control went out the door.  Making correct food choices, gone.  Not bingeing – gone.  Regularly exercising – not consistent.  What I miss most is the level of satisfaction I had with good clean food and smaller portions.  That satisfaction hasn’t returned.

When I asked my parents to pay for the exercise class it opened the door for them to offer more help.  While visiting over Memorial Day weekend I was asked if I considered looking into a weight loss program.  I was told they would like to pay for it.  Well that’s a smack upside my head.  I told them I would think about it. 

Fast forward a week or so and my mom calls telling me they are ”serious about helping me out and please look into it.”

I am at a big impasse, unable to move forward.  I made 1 call today to a nutritionist that runs a program at my Dr’s office.  There is another program I want to go to an orientation meeting.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Being Thankful

For someone who has a glass half empty complaining outlook on life being thankful can be difficult. I spent the middle of Friday night and early Saturday morning in the ER with the 3 year old tornado, he is fine now.  I sat there watching TV with him in my lap and I realized how thankful I am that my family is healthy.  We have no major illness to handle.  Sure my mom has cancer and yes that is a biggie but I am talking mostly about my kids.  I can't imagine being a family where a trip to the ER is commonplace.  Dr. Visits are like park visit for me.  I am so thankful for my kids health.  I honestly don't know how the families with the sick kids do it.

You may have noticed I don't include pictures of my kids faces.  The blog is not private.  I can not control who sees it.  With that in mind I will not include pics of my family.  I wish I live in a world where that wouldn't be an issue.  My kids are beautiful and do crazy things that I would love to share but I choose not to.  If you do please don't take offense, this is my personal choice.

Friday, June 1, 2012

BYOC–June 1

1. Are you a daily purse switcher, an often purse buyer or a one purse kind of woman? What factors influence your purse buying?
Yes and no.  I don’t wear outfits and I have limited clothes.because of my weight gain.  But I do switch purse covers.  I use Miche bags.  I have 2 different sized shells and about 10 covers.  Its fun and easy to change up the outside of my purse.

2. What’s your favorite board game?
Back in the day I loved Clue but haven’t played it in a long long time.  My parents were Risk players so I have a ton of nostalgia attached to that one, the 8 year old loves it too.

3. Are you a sore loser who throws fits or a gracious winner? Are you competitive?
A bit of both.  I am a Gemini – 2 sides – can you tell by my answers.  I am a gracious winner or looser but I am competitive too.  Problem is my other side gives up when the going gets hard.

4. Tell us something you are afraid of that is a physical item…like spiders, deep water, heights, snakes, thunderstorms, first dates, childbirth, etc.
Honestly I don’t have any big fears irrational fears or phobias.  Sure I have things I dislike, hate, etc.  But nothing that truly gets my panties twisted into crazy.

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week.
Crazy.  I was at my parents house until Tuesday.  Make the 330 mile trek home, relaxed for a few a bit then headed to the 8 year olds school for open house and auction, then helped with the auction and $ until 10 pm.  Spent Wed and Thur trying to get back into the swing and get stuff done.  Lots of running around – swim lessons, g-shop, book club, hair cut, PTA deposits, etc.  Thursday I had an an emotional breakdown fueled by lack of sleep – ugly cry and all.  Going to my parents wrecks havoc on my fairly fragile emotions.  My “Normal” is pretty high stress.

I can’t FLIPPIN believe it’s June 1.