Thursday, March 29, 2012

My Gift

My gift to you.

I want to give you the gift of time. I want to give you health. Unfortunately both are out of my control.

The gift I can give is security. You can be secure on knowing I am good. I have a great marriage, two wonderful boys, and a home. You can be secure in knowing I am an improved version of myself, the best I can be on the inside and out.

I am working on my gift. My gift will take time, persistence, patience, and perseverance.

On top of my gift I can give you my time. No matter what. I will be there when you need me. I will also give you celebration. I will find all the ways I can celebrate you. I will use the celebration instead of sadness.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Weekly Weigh In 3/28/2012

Weight = NOT
Loss = GONNA
Total 2012 = HAPPEN
Overall = NO WAY
Emotion = AT ALL

Let's put it this way. If every week was like my last I would put on all my weight lost in a mere 5 weeks.

As I mentioned before food choices were bad on my trip to my parents. I've been cleaning up but not completely. Exercise is getting back on track. Saturday I did couch to 5K week 2 day 3. Sunday I did 1.5 hours of a mixed workout and mon was boot camp.

It was a bad week.  I know what I did.  I know the mistakes.  I really don't want to put down my weight.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Road Trip Return

I'm back from a trip to my parents’ house.

I stepped on the scale today. It read 201. Crazy 4 pound gain over 4 days. Amazing what are bodies do. I know how I ate on the trip. I know why I ate the way I did. I know this isn't a real gain. I would say at least 3 pounds are water. I will not feel guilty about what I did. I have too many emotions swirling around me and I will not allow guilt to be one of them.

This trip I traveled with just the toddler (3). He was fantastic in the car. I couldn’t have asked for any better. On the way home around hour 6 he was getting antsy, but that's understandable. I spent the last 2 hours yesterday in lovely Hell A (LA) traffic. We left my parents at 9:30 am and arrived home after 4 pm. At the house it was a different story. I am not bragging but little one is very smart and extremely physical. He has a knack for getting into things he shouldn't. He also has a stubborn streak a mile long and major ants in his pants. He required 100% watching and even with that he destroyed a few things. Which means I didn't have much one on one time with my mom and no downtime. Hubby and I are going to work out a trip where the little one stay with him. That will give me time to be "with" my mom. I parked myself on the couch for a few hours last night and let hubby take care of the kids. I was beat.

Although I will not feel guilty about my food choices I do feel a bit guilty about no exercising. I had a plan and I didn't do it. I knew it would make me feel great but I truly didn't have it in me to do it.  Back on the horse today.

Am I making the right decision about not feeling guilty about my eating, considering the circumstances?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Weekly Weigh In 3/21/12

Weight = 197.0
Loss = -1.0
Loss for 2012 = -7.8
Total Loss = -35.0
Emotion = Shaky

Sorry I am late with this post. I wrote this already but it was lost in cyberspace and yesterday I was on the road with the toddler (330 miles) so I had limited access.

I am visiting my parents this week. My emotions are super high. Things are not going well in the cancer fighting arena. I can't really got into more details. I hoping to make it thru the week finding the celebration and calm. My travel day, Tuesday, was a major bread festival. I ate my way thru the day. There is no guilt, it happened. I would love to see a loss on the other side of this visit but I am not sure that is realistic.

Exercise was great the past week. Mon was off, tue a walk/run, wed was boot camp, thur was off, fri was boot camp, sat a walk/run and sun was hot yoga.

My post might not be too frequent.  We will see.  The toddler is needing nearly constant watching lately.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Oh I See

I recently had a bright idea.  Admittedly sometimes I am slow with the revelations other times I am right on.

To review - Feb 2011 I reached an all time low weight of 185.  I was loving it.  Slowly I gained weight.

This is not about the "why" I gained weight.  This is about a major misconception I held onto during this time.

I figured is was easy on, easy off.  That 5 or 10 pound (or later nearly 20) gain would come off easy since I already took it off.  No, it wouldn't be as tough as it was the first time. 

I was wrong.

It takes just as long to get rid of a gain as it did the first time.

It sucks but it is true.

This misconception killed my motivation to actually get the weight off.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I Rock

I rock. OK maybe just a little bit.

Tuesday was a busy day. I needed to fit in my exercise. Time was running out and I really didn't want to go on the treadmill at 9 pm.

Big boy had baseball at 4 pm with a 4:30 game. I decided to do day 1 of the couch to 5k program at the ball field before the game started. Hubby had the toddler and he was meeting us there.

I did it. I set out to do something and I did it.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Weekly Weight In 3/13/13

Weight = 198.0
Loss = –0.8
Total for 2012 = –6.8
Total Overall = –34.0

Not a huge amount but the right direction.

I was consistent with my exercise last week.  Mon – Boot camp, Tue – off, Wed – Hike, Thur – off, Fri – Boot camp, Sat – off, Sun – Hot Yoga.  I would like to see more.  This week I am starting the Couch to 5K program.  I have a 5K set for May 19th and my goal is the run the whole thing straight. 

Quick update, I have a tornado of a house to clean, no time to write.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Blah, Blah, Blahie, Blah

I have a love hate relationship with time change. 

I love that it gets dark late.  I hate its darker in the morning.  I love sunshine.  I hate it makes my kids crazy for a few days.  I love spring.  I hate that I have to pay closer attention to the clock or we will be eating dinner at 7pm.

We are all a bunch of walking zombies here.  No illnesses are the cause.  It started 2 weeks ago when the pacifier fairy gave the 3 year old’s “phier” to a baby since he is a big boy now.  He has been having a rough time sleeping.  In addition he has lost his mind for 2 days in a row now.  I am talking over an hour screaming, crying, throwing things tantrum.  Last night I went to bed earlier than usual (beat), 10pm and even took a melatonin supplement.  Sometime later the 8 year old wandered in crying from a nightmare.  We watched Harry Potter year 1 last night since we finished the book.  Good Idea???  He said he can’t watch it close to bedtime.

The time change is also hard on someone who has to wake up for work on Sunday morning at 3:45am.  Hubby uses his phone for an alarm clock, we didn’t know when the time would change and if it would work.  I woke up several times that night, including at 4:30 am and promptly woke him up.  He wasn’t late for work but he did miss his workout.

My plan for today, even though I want to crawl back in bed, is to stay “on” with my food (hard when I’m mind numbingly tired), do 30min on the treadmill, clean up house and make absolutely sure the toddler gets a proper nap.  I had to skip boot camp this morning and call a friend to take big kid to school because the toddler was going batsh*it crazy at the time.  I want to keep things calm for everyone today and early bedtimes.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Bucket List Check Off

I drove a real NASCAR, really fast today.  Even at 198 I had a hard time fitting in the car, I had to have a pillow behind me to reach the gas.  I had to switch cars because in the first one the steering wheel was on my belly.  A bit embarrassing but it didn't stop me.  I was a hot sweaty mess afterwards.  Would I, could I have done this at 232, probably not for many reasons.  I tired to upload the video 3 times with no success.  Just 4 cars driving around a track.

PS - sorry its been a few days since a post.  Been busy here and getting back on the exercise horse is kicking my butt.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Weekly Weigh In 3/6/12

Weight = 198.8
Loss = -0.4
Total loss for 2012 = -6.0
Overall loss = -33.2
Emotion = Thrilled

I am thrilled to finally see the other side of 199.  I've admitted before I am a habitual scale stepper.  I have been seeing between 201 and 199 for weeks but never below 199.  I know this is the start of something great.  I feel it in my bones.  I am ready to effect more change but LIFE I ask you not to sideline me right now.  Let's continue with the status quo for awhile while I continue to get my mojo back, PLEASE!!!!!!  I beg you.

Next week is the final weigh in for weight competition at hubby's work. I will show a loss but not a huge one. It's a cash prise so it would be nice if we win but who knows. Hubby did an excellent job. He probably lost between 15 and 20 pounds.  His body fat is somewhere around 17%, not bad.

This is my first week back to consistent exercise. It will be painful. But good pain. Bring it on.  Tommorow I will finally get to hike if the weather cooperates.  It's pretty gloomy out right now.

Food is good.  No cravings, portions good.  I am making better choices.

How was your week?

Monday, March 5, 2012

March Goals 2012

Isn't there a saying that March comes in like a lamb and out like a lion. I want my March to be just like that. I will move past my crappy February. I might be wrong on the quote but it works for me

Same as February, I want to see 195.  I would love to see more but I don't want to set myself up for failure.

No more than 1 day without intentional exercise. It will be a combo of kettlebell boot camp, hot yoga, and walking.  I have been trying to get a hike in with a friend but schdules suck.  Hoepfully this week, it's not safe to hike alone and I hate that I am limited by that.  I would love to just go.  Sometimes I am not sure how much I "Limit" myself with things.
Here is my week as an example:
Mon - boot camp
Tue - rest
Wed - yoga
Thur - walk
Fri - boot camp
Sat - rest
Sun - walk

  • Read intuitive eating book
  • Work on hallway framing project
  • Spend about 2 hrs a week on office crap
  • Find a therapist I want to work with
  • Journal out stresses, feelings, etc
I can and will do this.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

February in Review

I posted my February goals here.  First off I can’t believe it’s been since Tuesday.  I didn’t intend to take that long to post.

February was a rough month.  I was on an emotional roller coaster that included a post half marathon let down.  I did a bit of exercise but nothing consistently.  I blew my goal of no more than 2 days between exercise.  I did start attending Hot Yoga.  I think I have been about 5 times or so.  I went just yesterday.  My review – at least of the particular place I am attending.  It’s not a place for newbies.  Most of the instructors are very new to yoga and don’t spend any time on proper technique.  It’s hot.  Seriously you are dripping wet within minutes and I am not a sweater.  You have to be careful of getting overheated, which means you have to be connected to your heart and breath.

My weigh goal was missed but I am fine with that.  My emotions were so out of control and my weight didn’t – that’s a win in my book.

My life goals were mostly hit.  I did get some more organization done but it stopped there.

On a side note – My weight loss support group is amazing.  We meet weekly and have anywhere between 3 people and 8 people attending.  2 of the ladies lost nearly 20 pounds since the beginning of the year.