Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Weekly Weight In 1/31/12

Weight = 199.4
Loss = –0.4
Total = –32.6
Emotion = happy recovery

I am happy about my weight.  I know it not a great downward loss but considering all the half marathon stuff and to be honest race eating, I am thrilled with the number.  You should have seen the meal I ate before and after the race.  Night before I had a CPK Tostada pizza and 1/2 order of potstickers.  I ate all but one slice of pizza.  On race day, right after I had a banana and bagel, then about 2 hours after a big breakfast – bacon, cheese and avocado omelet, home fries, English muffin, OJ, and some French toast.  It was a seriously loaded breakfast with all the trimmings.  I knew I wouldn’t be having a breakfast like that in a long time.

Now is the time for me to shift focus and plan out.  Now that the marathon is done I will no longer be doing distance and time training.  Honestly I am happy to be done with that.  It took so much time.  Not to mention I am getting squishy from lack of resistance training.  Right now my ideal week would be – a yoga class, 2 to 3 kettlebell workouts, a hike, and / or running.  I want to run a full 5k non stop.  I have to think about the timing, when and where.

On the food front  - Our (hubs and I) fitness competition ends in 6 weeks.  It’s only 6 weeks.  I can buckle down and make bigger changes to my diet since I am no longer marathon training.  I need to plan out this one to but I think the biggest change I can make is toss the bread out and bump up the veggies big time.

How was your week?

Monday, January 30, 2012

I Earned my Wings

I completed my first half Marathon yesterday.  13.1 miles straight, non stop at the Inaugural Tinkerbelle half Marathon at Disneyland

115

It’s 5 am Sunday morning.  What were you doing.  I’m ready to go

tinker

My stats.  I did a 13:55 min mile pace for the total race.

116

Me and my medal.  Sorry for the bad pic.  I took it myself with my phone.  More later.  I am in recovery and recoup mode.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

That Dark Place

I feel like I can't celebrate my weight loss until I get below my low of 185.

I feel like a fraud celebrating finishing a half marathon this Sunday because I'm not running the whole race.

Logically I know this is ridiculous but deep down inside there is something that refuses to allow the celebration. Why do I persistently discount my accomplishments? Why does that deep down black part of me constantly scream "not enough"?

That same black place leads me to question the genuine feelings or compliments from others. I question their intents. The other night big boy wrote a note to daddy. It was a sweet note. Hubby read it and thought it was cool. In my head I'm thinking "no your just saying that, your not happy with the kids". Talk about being in a dark place and this all in my head. Hubby had no indication I was thinking this nor did he show any signs of not be genuinely happy about the latter.  My dark place also makes me believe that I am being judged by others all the time.  I also go so far as to put a voice to what I think they are saying about me.  I read between the lines when there is actually no lines to read between.  I don't believe a person when they truly say something positive about me.

I recognise this dark place.  I desire some light to be shed into the depths.  I want to come out of the dark.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Weekly Weigh In 1/24/2012

Weight = 199.8 yeah ONEderland
Loss = -2.2
Total Loss = -32.2
Emotion = fighting

Why fighting?  I am fighting cravings.  I am fighting exercise.  I am fighting my attitude.
Rain rain go away, come again some other day. Don't get me wrong I live cold rainy weather but it makes me want to stay home and be lazy. The last 2 says I holed up at home. I've been getting stuff done but I haven't exercised in 3 days. Today we have our last big walk before the race. I plan another walk on wednesday and Friday. Race day is sunday. I know I will be a nervous wreck on Saturday. The race starts at 545 am. Yikes.

Last Thursday was eventful. I left my full wallet on either the Target register counter or in the cart (not likely). I was a bit distracted by a certain toddler. I didn't realize it was gone for a few hours. Later in the evening after tearing up the house I decided to start calling my banks. Found out my ATM card was used at a local gas station down the street from target. The lovely person got away with about $100 cash, all my cards and DL, my receipts for stuff I have to return, and a $50 movie gift card.

Food wise I am still working on portions, reducing the sugar, drink more decaf no sugar tea, and avoiding the starchy carbs like rice, potatoes, and most breads. I have been eating 40 calorie bread. I splurged on Friday night and Saturday night.  I would probably be lower if I hadn't.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

What I learned This Week

I’m back  I opened Blogger this morning to a disabled Google account.  The screen said I might have violated something.  I was completely blocked from my blog.  I have no idea why.  I sent an email to customer service and 12 hours later received a generic response “We apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced. The issue you described should now be resolved.”  Ok moving on.  I thought it might be fun to review my week and reflect on what I learned.

  • "Brown rice spaghetti noodles are fantastic.  I picked mine up at Target.
  • My child can print neat when he wants to
  • I like running, after the half marathon I want to run a full 5k.  I am not running the half, just some running intervals.
  • I would love to find a way to get away with my hubby alone with no kids.  Not sure how that will ever happen
  • Week 2 of the weight loss support group I formed is going really well.  We have a few who haven’t joined us yet.  I hope they will soon.
  • When he wants to, my hubby knows how to bring me back to reality when I am wound up tight and ready to explode
  • 1 hour of uninterrupted office DE-cluttering is a LONG time
  • Having my husband work for 4 and half 13+ hour days, then golfing a full day, oh and beer brewing a full day, sucks big time.
  • I will reach all my January goals, I will, I will, I will
  • I love Bellini's or at least the ones in the bottle my neighbor and shared
  • I did jump into ONEderland so weight in day (Tue) will be great

How was your “previous” week?  I don’t know if I am odd here but to me my week begins on Monday.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Oprah Smackdown

Oprah just smacked me upside the head. I was killing time watching "Oprah's Next Chapter" on NJ governor Chris Christie. Christie is an obese man, probably a morbidly obese man.

The two were discussing why weight is they one thing they (he and Oprah) are not successfully with.  Oprah's asked "why can't you handle this".  She talked about the guilt involved - I can handle so many things but I can't handle my weigh.  Oprah said she is a compulsive overeater and food is her drug of choice. When stressed, she eats. Tired- eats, etc.

Crap balls I am like Oprah. Someone who is crazy successfully in her life can't be successful with her weight. First reaction was oh crap if Oprah can't do it how the hell can I.

Second reaction was that I need help. I need professional help.  This needs work and time and fixing.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Weekly Weigh In 1/17/2012

Weight = 202.0
Loss = +0.6
Total = -30.0
Emotion = topsy turvey

 
As an admitted habitual scale stepper I wasn't thrilled with my occasional numbers all week. I expected more of a drop. I never went up but I just couldn't seem to budge under 201. Yesterday I had lunch with my mini men at Apple - Bee's. I had a soup and salad combo and it was insanely salty and gross.

 
I love the helpful comments I received on binges. One of them about keeping a binge under control like to 500 calories. That was so helpful yesterday. The cranky toddler and the salty meal triggered me into wanting to bake. I though about what I wanted. Texted a friend who said to cut the eggs and cut half the batter so I don't have a ton of cupcakes around. Here's what I did:
  • I box yellow cake mix with half dumped in trash
  • 1 egg
  • About 1/3 cup plain Greek yorgourt
  • Water

It baked beautifully and the kids and I ate it without frosting. I think overall the damage was minimal. For dinner I had a piece of chicken.

 
I happy to say that I will get a chance to go away for the first time without my kids or husband. Hubby and I will have to jump through big hoops to make it happen. I gave been looking forward to this scrapbooking weekend forever.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Does D = B?

All last week I was dealing with disappointment.

I am bummed that my walking partner and I haven't been able to get the miles in.  I am really bummed that my partner may pull out of the the race outright.  I am not going to push her into something she doesn’t want to do.  It’s not my style.  She has to make the decision on her own if she is going to do the race.  I want her to do it becasue I think she can.

I am really disappointed in hubby’s work and him.  For over 6 months I planned to go away for a scrapbooking weekend in the mountains at a beautiful B and B.  I have been wanting to go to this place for 5 years.  I’m paid in full and its in 3 weeks.  So lets back track to November.  I email hubby a list of dates that he needs to take off so I can attend this retreat.  His incorrect understanding of department policies was that he can’t request time off before 4 weeks in advance.  Flash forward to this weekend.  He CAN”T get the fricking time off.  There is too many officers taking the same time off and there is also 2 people in his area on admin leave (that anther stressor here I can’t get into).  I am trying very hard to not be pissed at him.  He was WRONG about the requesting time off policy.  He could have requested the time off in Nov or even before that.  He is taking the issue up the chain but there is a BIG chance I will have to cancel my weekend, lose $300 and not get the break I have desired for a LONG LONG time.

Add to this, the toddler is sick and I am too.  Not to mention I am disappointed in myself for not getting the miles in and not walking without my partner.  Why do I let other peoples actions dictate my own actions?  I should have walked without her.  I am a magnate for other peoples emotions too.

So why does disappointment = binge for me.  Saturday, in the thick of my disappointment,  I binged on popcorn at the movies and later in the evening I ate 6 Hi buns (red light food for me).  I haven’t binged in over a month.

How do you deal with disappointment in a healthy way?

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Gear Happy Dance

After trying Road Runner, Big 5, Target, Walmart, Dick's, and Sports Chalet I think I finally found some exercise clothes that will work.

Old Navy has a new Active line. I have to say so far I'm fairly impressed.  They fit great.  I don't think the pants will roll off my belly or fall down - 2 common occurrences.  The tank could use a bit more coverage on the ladies but that problem might be just exclusive to me.  I picked up this swag.
2 pairs of compression and wicking capris
2 jackets - 1 heavier
1 tank
3 shirts

All this for about $115. Why so cheap its all on sale until Jan 26.  That's why I wanted to write this.  Check it out if you want. Everything feels high quality and its all wicking with extras like hidden pockets, earbud holes, etc. I will road test today. The line goes to XXL, I was a L on bottoms and XL on top at 200 pounds and a DD. Lots more room for us larger ladies.

Despite the upcoming marathon, my entire exercise wardrobe needed an overhaul.  I am still on the hunt for some shorts.  They all seem way too short.

PS - I'm using mobile blogger so we will see how this works.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Trail Courtesy Dead?

Is trail courtesy dead?

I’d say that 90% of the time a bike passes me on a trial lately I get no warning.  For years I have been teaching my child to say “on your left” when he is passing someone on a pathway.  It’s common courtesy.  Hell, it’s a safety issue in my opinion.  Why does this seem to be a dead art around here?

So many times I get shocked with the passing bike because they are going fast and you don’t expect it.

How difficult is it to say “on your left”?  There is even a sign all along the trail that bikes have to yield to walkers.

How is trail courtesy in your neck of the woods.

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Weekly Weigh In 1/10/12

Weight = 201.4
Loss = –3.4
Emotion = on a roll

It’s been a good week on the weight loss front.  I have been adjusting to the portion size reduction and slight sugar reduction.  Still eating breads but in a much smaller quanity.  I think I will reach my January weight goal sooner rather than later.

My weight loss group is forming.  I have 11 ladies interested and we are starting this Thursday.  I get excited when sharing information.  But I am worried I might come across as a know it all.  I have a library full of information (gained knowledge) but that doesn’t mean I check out the books (use knowledge).  We will see how it goes.

Little one is looking fro trouble, time to take him to the park.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Geeze, Can’t Find Time–Too Many Pots

So sorry I haven’t posted.

My parents came down for a visit on Thursday.  We had a great time.  On Friday we went to the beautiful San Diego Zoo.  The kids were fantastic, even the toddler walked 90% of the day with no complaints.  Yesterday we went to the beach and my crazy kids went in the cold water.  There was some bad news shared, I won’t go into details but time will be counted in months not years.

I have 2 majors things in the pot as far as weight loss is concerned .

Number 1 – Hubby and I entered a weight loss competition thru his work.  We are a spouse team named “Conflicting Interests”.  It’s not based strictly on weight.  They do a combination of weight, body fat on the by electric impedance (scales), waist circumference and 3 point fat calipers.  The combination of the 4 measurements gives you a single number to reduce.  It is a cash prize.  If you show progress at half way (5 weeks) and end (10) you get a portion of your $ back.

Number 2 – this came as a Facebook epiphany.  I seen so many local friends want to lose weight in 2012, join Weight Watchers, etc.  So I thought – let’s gather together each week, weigh in and talk.  A weight loss and fitness accountability group was formed.  I have 11 ladies signed up.  I am working out the details of time, etc but I hope we will be starting soon.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Day 1, Jan Goals, Resolutions, Can’t Get a Good Title

Ok so maybe not exactly day 1 but I am gonna treat today like it is.  Time to change things around.  Shake it up.  Move on from a crappy 2011 (weight wise).  I will no longer feel bad about my gain.  I refused to feel like a fraud.  I refuse to guilty about my weight and the fact I have failed at keeping it under control.  Its time to rewind back to my successful times and use the tools I have. Onward.  So….

Weight = 204.8
Loss = day 1, no loss
Total = 27.2*
Emotion = Ready

* my absolute highest recorded weight, not pregnant, was 232 in 2007.  As far as I know I never been higher than that.

After reading many resolutions, or non resolutions like Miz FIt and Karen. I have decided to take this a month at a time, hell mostly a day at a time.  I have general idea of what I want to do, thanks Kristen for some of the insight here.  The general ideas are: 

  • Achieve my set weight of 140
  • Have control over food
  • Declutter and organize
  • Maintain household
  • Increase peace and harmony in my life and my family’s life
  • Start 2013 off without talking about losing weight

Jan Goals
Weight – 199, time to get back to ONEderland at stay there forever

1/2 Marathon – Finish within 3 hr and 30min.  There is time limit (16 min mile max) or you get picked up.  At this point my goal is to not get picked up and finish it on my own terms.

Life – Have dinner on table before 6pm.  Work on menu planning and introducing foods to kids.  Begin purging office and finish Lego project.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Still Here

I am still here.  I don’t intend to take this much time off from writing.

I have a ton to say but I need to find the time to get it all down.

Please stay tuned.