The holiday spirit has yet to visit me. Honestly if weren’t for the kids I probably wouldn’t be doing anything.
My husband works on Sat the 24th and on Monday the 26th. When I say work I mean he is gone by 4:30am and doesn’t come home until after 7:30pm. I am ultimately thrilled that he has Christmas day off. He had enough seniority to get it off. Honestly I am not sure how much worse my mood would get if he didn’t have it off.
Part of my foul mood (a very large part) is that my parents are unable to come down to celebrate with us. My mom’s last cycle of her cancer meds hit her hard and she isn’t recovering quick enough. She will never beat this cancer. The medicine keeps it at bay and has for the past 3 years, thank the heavens, stars or whatever you believe in. Yes there is a very large 800 pound gorilla always in my room. Most of the time I choose to swim in Denial that it exists. This week I haven’t been able to do much swimming. The gorilla decided to smack me in the face hard and I am still reeling from it.
I am a hot mess. I have logged over 12 miles already this week, managed a kettlebell session but skipped today. I am beat from training. Beat from my emotions. Beat from lack of sleep. Beat from the toddlers antics in the middle of the night. Beat from the toddler antics during the day ;-). Beat from all the crap I have be shoveing in my mouth.
I am trying here. I know Yoda says “Do or Do not, there is no try”. Try is all I can muster at this point.