Sunday, November 6, 2011

Nineteen

I stepped on the scale Friday morning and it screamed back at me 204.0 pounds.  Later on I was thinking.  Holy crap 204 is 19 pounds from my low of 185 reached in March of this year.  19 pound gain, not 1.9, no 5, no 10.9 but 19 frickin pounds.

A 19 pound gain is:

  • Not maintaince that I have been foolish to think I am doing
  • Not water retention (really wouldn’t that be nice)
  • why I have nothing to wear
  • Not a sign of success
  • a reason I feel like a failure, phony, fraud and a fool
  • why I feel uncomfortable in everything I put on
  • Not a Finding the FIT girl
  • why I feel like a stay puffed oompa lumpa
  • is not something I can deny
  • is disappointing my husband ***
  • is why my skin looks like crap
  • why I feel crappy all the time

Maya Angelou says:

“When you know better you do better.”

I know better but in the past 8 months I have NOT done better.  I know how great I feel when I eat right and exercise.  I also know how crappy I feel with the wrong foods. I know how to eat right and exercise.I know how bloated and uncomfortable I feel right now.  It’s so bad that I have very little to wear because I tossed my fat clothes and I have been nearly avoiding social situations.

**** deserves a whole post to explain

4 comments:

  1. Okay. So... 19 pounds. You owned it, now, what can you do about it? Time to move on, use lessons learned, and say goodbye to those 19 pounds once and for all. You can do this.

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  2. Just take a deep breathe! You know what you gotta do to keep this weight off and lose it, you just have to force yourself to do it. It's tough as hell, there's days I just want to go back to my old ways but I refuse to live like I use to ever again, I was straight miserable!

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  3. Life is journey, sometime you’re up and sometimes you’re down. Reassess and start again. You could be slimmer, you could be heavier, don’t dwell take it day by day until you are consistent once again. Do not abuse yourself with food; you are an intelligent, beautiful person who is caring with a big heart. Now use it to love yourself. Stop making excuses and just do it, don’t think about it, just do it.

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