Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Weekly Weigh In 11/29/11

One day late

Weight = 202.4
Loss = +0.2

I didn't want to write this post.  I didn’t want to admit that I failed to be where I wanted to be (199).  But then again this blog is all about accountability.  So here it is.  It’s not tragic but its not good.  Food is where I failed.  The 10 day cold didn’t help much either.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I Did and I Didn’t

I Didn’t – weight myself this morning. Major lack of sleep and a rough night equals a rough morning. 

I Did – finish week 5 Day 1 of Couch to 10K.  I was running for 2 min 30 seconds for 12 intervals

I Did – This.  A run walk.  See the red for my path.


I Didn’t – Let my fear get the best of me.  I’ve always wanted to go on this wilderness trail.  As you can see above it’s right next to civilization.  But as you can see below, it’s still wilderness and that was a wide part of the trail.  We live in Mountain Lion Country.  Smart idea – maybe not.  Proud – Hell yes.


I Did – get a major blister.  I wore my New Balance barefoot shoes.  I think I will return them.  I love them but I don’t think the part that gave me a blister will change.

I Didn’t – Allow my tired grumpy self to find an excuse not to accomplish what I did.

I Did – pat myself on the back.  Today I WAS one of those people I always wanted to be.  I used to be in my car, etc and look at people running and think “that’s cool, I want that to be me”.  It was me.

I Didn’t – Make the best food choices.  Can’t be perfect all day can we Winking smile

What is your Did and Didn’t?

Monday, November 28, 2011

Black Friday Blues

On Black Friday I went to Road Runner Sports to finally buy some new running shoes and maybe some higher end running gear.  I am a firm believer in buying the correct running shoes regardless of price.  I love RR and I love that you can return the shoes (even used) up to 90 days.


I ended up with 2 completely different shoes (thanks to the return policy).  I want to get into barefoot running and I need a flat shoes for kettlebell training so I went with the New Balance Minimus.  But since my half marathon is a mere 9 weeks away and long distance is not recommend with barefoot shoes and beginners I went with the traditional but very light Brooks Ghost.  I did a 3 mile walk / run with both and so far I love the NB.  I am not sure about the Brooks (possible return).

Onto to some clothes.  I have mentioned before that I look like Humpty Dumpty.  I am not being hard on myself, it’s my reality.  I carry 85% of my weight between my collar bones and hipbones.  I have very little excess weight on my hips, butt, thighs, calves and arms.  I have a man belly.  Seriously I am not exaggerating, it is a man belly for sure.  My love handles are about 2 inches wider than my hips.  Big belly.

I steeled my will and set into the dressing rooms armed with L and XL exercise clothes.  I was able to put everything on but it wasn’t pretty.  I tired some compression capris and shorts.  I didn’t feel enough compression with the XL so I went to the large,  Oh crap when I pulled them over my man belly I pulled the drawstring out.  Great, now I am in the dressing room trying to fish out the drawstring out of the waistband.  Fantastic.  Nothing felt right.

HELP!  Who carries bigger girl but higher quality exercise gear.  I am looking for wicking, compression, non cotton materials (sweat).  I am considering going back and trying the men's shorts.  I want to go to stores because so many online stores charge for return shipping now. 

I just want something that fits, keeps my bits and pieces in, keep the sweat off me and I don’t feel like a sausage in it.

** I have a whole post just dedicated to wicking underwear experience at Road Runner, stay tuned.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Are you Waiting?

Lyn at Escape from Obesity asked her readers “Are you waiting until Jan 1?”

I made a comment on her post but I wanted to expand on it here.

My plan is to weigh less on Jan 1. About 5 to 10 pounds less. With my half marathon at the end of Jan, I better be 5 pounds less by Jan 1.

I feel the holidays are not an excuse to eat without control. If you make the holidays an excuse you can always find excuses in everything. Life is full of excuses so make eating healthy and exercising a regular part of your life. On the other hand I am not opposed to a slice of pie, etc. Just be sensible and don’t overdo. It is easy to spiral out of control.  Which is where I have been for a few months.

For me the mind set of, oh I‘ll restart tomorrow, Monday, next month……. doesn’t work for me.  It just gives me another excuse to eat crap and feel crappy.  Problem is I have been in this mindset for quite a few months.  I know it’s the wrong place to be.

Why does food have to be the thing to make a holiday enjoyable?

Maybe my life makes the holidays easier.  Closest family member is 350 miles and the rest are at least 2000 miles away.  I have no job so less parties, less food situations to deal with.  With hubby's job there is no holiday functions.  Almost none of my friends have social parties, etc.  We might have a small gathering or 2 but no big social events as of yet.  As of right now the only commitment I have that is holiday related is PTA dinner out and my parents will be visiting for Christmas.  The other stuff – book clubs, mom’s nights out (MNO), “Buy Stuff” social – i.e. I will be attending a Tastefully Simple party next week, birthday parties, etc – This is life, this is normal, this is my regular “deal with” stuff.

I ask you you “Are you waiting until Jan 1?”

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving

We are either driving home or relaxing and waiting for the fest.  Eat sensible and use moderation.  Enjoy the time more than the food.  Have a wonderful time.


Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Weekly Weight In 11/22/11

No weigh in today, I am out of town for the holidays.  My goal is 200 for this week and 199 for next week. 

The cold knocked me on my tush but I kept my weight under control.  I was sick Tues thru Sunday (Writing this on Sat pm so I hope I will be done by tomorrow).  Anytime I started to do more activity (everyday stuff) I would feel worse.  I lost my voice on Friday.

As I said before, being at my parent house is a challenge for me.  The food is the big issue since my mom stocks it with all the treats and yummies that I enjoy.  Since she raised me we have a tendency to enjoy the same food, within reason, go figure.  I am more adventurous than mom, I love sushi and fish, she won’t touch fish period.

Exercise is a challenge too.  One the place is so relaxing and its not my home so I don’t have to sweat all the details - so the last thing I want to do is get up and exercise.  Two – hubby has a tendency to let down his guard too and relax.  He pulls me in like a vortex.  Three – being in the mountains there is no sidewalks or well maintained routes and the elevation is much higher than I am used to at home.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Food Journal Ladder–Repost

I LOVE this info originally posted on 7/25/10.  I am in Level 1 right now.

I found an excellent post about food journals here. I asked the author's permission to use her idea to explain my own feelings about a food journal. I really thought it was an incredible explanation about the process of tracking your food. The first part of this post is detailed description with a little editing and the second part is my personal evaluation. I highly recommend visiting the site. It is full of helpful advice.

The Food Journal Ladder :

Level 0 : “Healthy Eating”

At the “Healthy Eating” stage there is no tracking, no real awareness of self-control, just eating what you consider healthy because it’s what you prefer & it’s become habit. Sounds good in theory, but in practice it’s wickedly hard to do — one of those things where the ‘devil is in the details’ – it doesn’t take much to let this slip a bit and then a bit more and then you’re in a cupcake pit UNDER the ladder in the “free for all” eating space…

Level 1 : Eat with the intention of Losing

More than just “healthy eating” this also is a concerted effort to hold back enough volume and food choices so that you achieve a loss. It builds on everything you already know about dieting. Not for beginner dieters. Sort of a more controlled area of ‘intuitive eating’ type of thinking – it’s ‘intuitive dieting’ where you know when you need that spoonful of peanut butter, but you also know to reach for celery or brush your teeth instead of eating at all…

Level 2 : Write it all down

This can be done with various levels of control. You can write it ALL down, or you can write down just the meals that are problematic, just the special event, just the transgressions, just the weekends, etc. At its most basic it’s just an awareness tool to make you aware of choices you make and accountable to reporting them to yourself. Can do pen & paper, or electronic records of many types – Excel, word documents, emails to a buddy, your blog…

Level 3 : Counting

This is the level where you watch a number (or more than one, depending on your diet plan). Calories. Fat. Points. Carbs. Protein. Glycemic Index. Sodium, whatever. You can do it on paper if you have a reference book with the values of your food (and you have a basic idea of serving sizes as a rule of thumb). Today there are lots of good electronic tools too – dedicated software, many good websites (a lot of people use FitDay or LiveStrong’s Daily Plate, or Sparkpeople or iphone aps).

Level 4 : Weigh, measure, count, track : the full enchilada

At the highest level is the actual weighing & measuring. It’s more precise than the other levels but it’s more involved, takes more mental energy and might create extra stress if you are worrying about an extra 3 Cheerios that you ate. On the other hand, nothing makes things clearer than measuring 3/4 of a cup of cereal into the bowl & then measuring out the milk & realizing that the quantity you’ve been eating daily from that bowl is probably 3 times “one” serving.

Where Finding the Fit Girl “fits” on the ladder

Level 0 – This is where I want to be for the rest of my life. I can visualize myself here when I visualize the fit girl inside me.

Level 1 – I have been her for the better part of 3 months with the exception of my vacation, off the ladder there.

Level 2 – I started here in Jan thru about April. I just tracked transgressions from my food plan. If the plan was a low carb week with bread allowed at lunch. If I ate something off that plan then I would just jot it down on my excel file. This was a successful time for me.

Level 3 – The difference between levels 2, 3, and 4 is what really struck me when I first read about the ladder. I can see the difference now between full tracking (level 4) and partial tacking (level 2). I can see myself using level 2 and 3 but not the full level 4.

Level 4 – I completely understand the need for this tool. I also see where I might need to refer to it for a time period but right now I do feel I have portion and size in control. This is the level where I get nutty which directly leads to failure.

Applying the Food Journal Ladder to myself :

My ultimate goals is to be in level 0 all the time but right now I need to switch some things up, lose some vacation weight and regain some control on things.

I want to thank for the permission.  She did such an excellent, detailed job there is no way I could have done any better.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

1 Step Forward and 10 Back

My life seems to constantly in this cycle.

Yesterday I started feeling crappy.  Late in the afternoon I came down with a fever and my whole body ached.  Got a cold.  My little one had a fever last Sunday and now has a congested cough.

My plan was to do kettlebells on Tuesday and run / walk today.  No exercise on Tuesday and I am debating about today.  This is one time I can’t read my body correctly.  I know some people would still exercise (if no fever).  My body is screaming lay on the couch and watch TV all day.  Do I push forward or give myself another day.  I have a cough, I ache but I think no fever.  It’s 8:45 am here.  What would you do – Exercise or Relax? 

Even though I wanted to stress eat big time yesterday, I didn't.  I did eat my typical sick meal for dinner – Lipton noodle soup with saltines and a grilled cheese sammie.  The grilled cheese was on light bread.

I hate getting sick, especially when I am motivated and getting back on track.

The big suck is this cold / virus might ruin my thanksgiving plans.  Hubby had a lump in his throat this morning.  Our plans are to drive to my parents on Saturday.  We can’t exposed my mom to any colds since she is on anti cancer meds.

Side Note - My 3 foot high, 27 pound tornado pulled a fire alarm at school yesterday.  The whole school was evacuated and the Fire Dept. showed up.  I was in the PTA room helping count money.  The room has corners and nooks so I didn't have 100% eyes on him, obviously.  I love my life, I love my kids.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Weekly Weight In 11/15/11

Weight = 202.2
Loss = –2.6 *

* from my high recorded on 11/13 of 204.8

I’m back.  My weekly weight ins are back.  On Sunday morning I said enough, I goal planned and planned my next 2 weeks.  With my goal plans in mind I said on Tues I will be 202.  I even put it and my exercise plans on on calendar.  I never said I wasn’t anal.


Back to basis here.  Slow and steady.  As my trainer said the other day.  There is no new plans, pill or shot.  I know what to do.  His words – DIET, EXERCISE, DIET, and DIET.  I define diet as anything I put in my mouth.

On a side note I have have been in an organization and purge mode.  It feels great to clear out some clutter around here.  I don’t know where the motivation came from.  I think it stems from hubby getting some big jobs done around the house.  It motivated me to continue the process and get the house in better shape.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Bear With Me

This mostly is mostly for me.  Its my 2 week plan to get on track.  Today is the proverbial Day 1.  The restart day.  The clean up your sh*t and do better day.  Today the scale read 204.8.  I plan to take it slow. Going low carb, super clean is not the best idea when you have a road trip, stay at your parents and Thanksgiving coming up.

In the next 2 weeks I will:

  • Take my vitamins and medicine on time
  • Drink water – harder now with cooler weather
  • write down what I eat
  • portion control
  • strive for meal carbs below 30g and snacks below 15g.  I will still eat bread, just limited.  Lunch today was one slice rye instead of 2.
  • up the veggies and fruit – lacking here big time
  • no binges – I will have to control myself with the turkey sammies – I could eat 2 without thinking.  I will also have control at my parents house – land of sweets
  • simple foods and no desert items – except for 1 slice on t-day

I was doing great but early last week I was done.  My body hurt for 4 solid days.  I found excuse after excuse not to exercise.  I went an entire 7 days with no intentional exercise.

This week – Mon – C210K week 3 day 2, Tue – k-bel or yoga, Wed - C210K week 3 day 3, Thu – k-bell, Fri – rest, Sat- C210K week 4 day 1

I realized today its not as bad as I assumed.  Yes I gained weight but I can fix it.  I can meet my long terms goals. 

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Why I’m Not Writing Much

Some days start like this

My attempt at soccer ball cupcakes

And then my days can end up like this

Cupcakes no more, thanks to the tornado in my house.

But dang he is a cute tornado

Toddler Tornado asleep on the floor.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Hubby’s Disappointment

I need to explain why hubby is disappointed with me. 

Let me be 100% clear – it is NOT because he wants be thinner.

It has absolutely nothing to do with my weight.

I am married to a very good man.  A man with flaws and a man who comes across as a gruff and has some socialization issues.  But those who know him deep down know that he is good man. He is a man. He is NOT a yes man.  He is a man who truly knows me better than I do and can call me out on my shit.  He knows how happy I was when I involved in my getting fit journey.  He saw my excitement with new successes.

He was proud of me.  He knows I want to be a success with this.  He believes I can do anything I set my mind to.

Lets be honest here.  For the entire 12 years I have known him I have always been some form of overweight.  Never lower than 190.  He has no problems with an overweight women.

Sunday, November 6, 2011


I stepped on the scale Friday morning and it screamed back at me 204.0 pounds.  Later on I was thinking.  Holy crap 204 is 19 pounds from my low of 185 reached in March of this year.  19 pound gain, not 1.9, no 5, no 10.9 but 19 frickin pounds.

A 19 pound gain is:

  • Not maintaince that I have been foolish to think I am doing
  • Not water retention (really wouldn’t that be nice)
  • why I have nothing to wear
  • Not a sign of success
  • a reason I feel like a failure, phony, fraud and a fool
  • why I feel uncomfortable in everything I put on
  • Not a Finding the FIT girl
  • why I feel like a stay puffed oompa lumpa
  • is not something I can deny
  • is disappointing my husband ***
  • is why my skin looks like crap
  • why I feel crappy all the time

Maya Angelou says:

“When you know better you do better.”

I know better but in the past 8 months I have NOT done better.  I know how great I feel when I eat right and exercise.  I also know how crappy I feel with the wrong foods. I know how to eat right and exercise.I know how bloated and uncomfortable I feel right now.  It’s so bad that I have very little to wear because I tossed my fat clothes and I have been nearly avoiding social situations.

**** deserves a whole post to explain

Saturday, November 5, 2011

My Apologies

I am sorry for my blogging absence.  I have been working some things out.  I will be working on some posts today and throughout the week.  They will include an honest description of where I am right now.  Please stayed tuned.