The other day I was at the park with the boys. The toddler ran off to a different area a second time. For a second or so I wasn’t sure where he was. I realized he had gone to this other area, sort of out of sight. He was there for a few mins on his own. As I was passing a few moms in the other area I heard one say “the big girl ….” I didn’t hear the rest. I couldn’t be 100% sure it was about me, but I am sure. I am sure because he is little and I sure because they were probably asking why in the hell would a mom let a kid that young wander that far.
Let’s be honest you know in their heads the were think Fat, obese, disgusting, out of shape girl. Why is that how I am described? Why is that ok? Why can I be the blonde lady in the black shirt. Or the mom with the nice legs.
The crazy thing is I know I am fat but also have a much higher level of fitness than many of my thinner counterparts. I know they can’t do what I do with a kettlebell or have the endurance to do a kettlebell class and a kickboxing class in the same night. I am still exercising the same, if not more but I am feeling very fat and gross right now. The extra pounds I gained back are killing me.
I am dealing with a few mental issues right now. Some have worked out, others are in progress.