Monday, June 20, 2011

Why am I Defined by My Weight

The other day I was at the park with the boys.  The toddler ran off to a different area a second time.  For a second or so I wasn’t sure where he was.  I realized he had gone to this other area, sort of out of sight.  He was there for a few mins on his own.  As I was passing a few moms in the other area I heard one say “the big girl ….”  I didn’t hear the rest.  I couldn’t be 100% sure it was about me, but I am sure.  I am sure because he is little and I sure because they were probably asking why in the hell would a mom let a kid that young wander that far.

Let’s be honest you know in their heads the were think Fat, obese, disgusting, out of shape girl.  Why is that how I am described?  Why is that ok?  Why can I be the blonde lady in the black shirt.  Or the mom with the nice legs.

The crazy thing is I know I am fat but also have a much higher level of fitness than many of my thinner counterparts.  I know they can’t do what I do with a kettlebell or have the endurance to do a kettlebell class and a kickboxing class in the same night.  I am still exercising the same, if not more but I am feeling very fat and gross right now.  The extra pounds I gained back are killing me.

I am dealing with a few mental issues right now.  Some have worked out, others are in progress.

2 comments:

  1. That is the exact reason I rarely went anywhere when I was 65 lbs heavier--out with friends? Definitely not--didn't want to be the fat friend. To the park with the kids? Nope, didn't want to be the fat mom. It's sad that that's how we're defined. Keep your chin up--you're better than that!! ;)

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  2. Thanks. Ususally I brush everything off but this one stuck. Amy

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