Thursday, March 31, 2011

Review of March 2011

Start weight = 185.0
End weight = 188.4
Net Loss = +3.4

I don’t do the month in review often but I think it is a useful tool.  It helps me gain perspective of what I did and where I want to head.  Clearly, March was not my month.  I really like this quote from Julian Michael’s (Biggest Looser) Facebook page. 

Smart Tip: Most people sabotage themselves because they aren't mindful in the moment. Let your daily actions be governed by your goals & dreams. Whenever you are making an important decision first ask if it gets you closer to your goals or farther away. If the answer is closer, pull the trigger. If it's farther away make a different choice. Conscious choice making is a critical step in making your dreams a reality.

I should really use this tip to keep me focused.  Ask myself this on every choice I make.  To help out I am going to set a clear goal for April.  I think monthly goals help keep me focused and centered on the task at hand.

I won’t bore you with the “Why’s” of my poor performance in March.  One word will sum it up perfectly ….. FOOD.

I put my anniversary dress on today.  It looks good.  I am excited to wear it.  I feel so feminine in it.  I will post pictures but you will have to wait about 2 weeks.

Yummy Tip – I made tuna salad.  I still use mayo and sometime mayo combo with Greek yogurt.  I stuffed the tuna in a hallowed out tomato.  So yummy and filling.  I didn’t miss the bread or rice cakes at all.  Now I just need to get my garden started so I can have tomatoes of my own.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Weekly Weigh In 3/29/11

Weight = 188.4
Loss = +1.6

So you spend weeks and weeks not eating right and not tracking your food.  Then you spend 3 days on track and you think everything should be hunky dory on your Tuesday weigh in.  WRONG.  The scale was fine all month, not down but not enormously up.  I did see some scary numbers here and there.  Then wham, it sticks and it sticks on a high.  I think my body decided, enough of this shit, here is 3 pounds, boom, and you are going to have to work hard to get it off this time.  No more of this crap.

I feel the gain all over.  Especially in the tummy area.

Today I am getting my hair done.  My hair is getting long.  I am going to keep it on the long side for this cut.  I love how wonderful a new haircut makes me feel.  I am doing a bit of pre anniversary party primping.  Eyebrows today too.  Seriously need work there, they have been neglected.  If you feel down in the dumps, get a cut and maybe some color( I do).  Seriously it lightens everything for me.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Tougher Than I Thought

As you can see here and here, I have been making a conscious effort to NOT put my time and energy away from my home and myself.  I really feel its time to put my focus inward to my home and myself.  As part of that plan I will need to find my atta boys and good jobs without actually directly getting them.  I enjoy the pat on the backs you get from a well done job, read here for an explanation.

I started my path with telling my MOPS steering committee I will not be volunteering next year.  The first person I told responded with “there is other positions you can do”, ok not the point.  The second response from the leader was ”there will no steering next year”.  Not a stellar response (guilt inducing) even though I thoroughly explained that I need to work on my home and I was never able to just enjoy the meeting (I’ve always been on the committee).

The other day I registered my son for soccer (in fall).  I nearly felt panicky NOT filling out the volunteer application.  To add insult to injury, I was questioned three times about volunteering and there was a red flag placed on my son’s application.  I felt so guilty that I even went back and asked the division manager what volunteer spots are open.  Logically, I really can’t do much anyway.  I would love to coach but hubby works weekends, which leaves me with the Diablo (2 yo) and we have NO family to help out.  That also leaves out referee and field prep.

Seriously I was in a state of panicky guilt for not volunteering.  This is going to take time.

Chubby McGee – if you are reading this, miss you, can I get an invite??

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Excellent Day

Saturday started with a bang and ended that way too.  I ate on target and burned a ton of calories.  I even had a salad for dinner and I didn’t die.  It was the first time I tracked my food in a few weeks.  It was a bit higher than what was in my head.  I am not in love with the body media’s food logging system.  I will send them some feedback soon.

Capture

My sleep last night was horrible.  I stayed up too late and the baby toddler was having issues.  He is cutting his 2 year molars – fun.

sleep

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Ah Yeah, a Great Start

Capture

This is the beginning of my Saturday.  I burned nearly 1400 and it’s only 10am here (CA).  How – I did back to back exercise classes – kettlebells and cardio kickboxing.  I burned nearly 900 calories just there.  As an added bonus I was able to beat on my trainer.  Take that for those rolling deck (death) squats with a 26 lb k-bell.

The bummer part is that I was able to go to class because hubby is home sick (he works sat).  Seriously that is worth a whole post in its own.  “Suck it up” has been running in my head for a few days.  You ladies out there “get” my meaning.

I am off to enroll big boy in soccer then pick up after the tornado in my house.  I will probably crash and burn later this afternoon but right now I am on a high.  How is your Saturday?

Thursday, March 24, 2011

WOW with a Super Capital W

Yesterdays post flat out amazed me.  No, it wasn’t my lack of weight loss.  No, I didn’t write anything brilliant.  It was the 2 comments that I gratefully received that my blog is inspiring.  Thank you from the deepest depth of my heart. 

But seriously, I do not feel that I am inspiring.  Sure it is part of my esteem and confidence issues.  Most people who know me on the surface would never believe I have esteem and confidence issues.  Only those who truly know me can see it.  On the positive side, I am 200% better than I was as a teen and young adult. 

Why do I feel I am not inspiring?  I have made changes.  My body and mind are in a far better place.  I am as slow as a turtle when it comes to true weight loss.  Some out there in the blog world think someone like me is not doing it right.  Do I eat red light, non weight loss helpful foods, Yes.  Do I believe in moderation instead of full denial, yes but I will admit it doesn’t always work.  It is a tool in the infinite tool belt of weight loss.  It must be used in small doses and correctly.  Do I struggle, yes.  Do I lapse in my path, yes but I never get out of control.  The most I have gained from a lapse is 5 pounds.  For some reason I feel like I will NEVER go back.  I can’t explain why I know this, I just do.  Now, I could get hit my an emotional (stress, etc) Mack truck and be totally wrong.  Who knows.

It’s funny how the universe seems to give you what you need when you need it.  I received my 2 awesome comments on the blog and another mom approached me and said I look good.  I haven’t spoken to this women in 2 years by pure circumstance.  I have said hello in passing but that is about it.  I needed all this.  I need a kick in the butt on the motivation.

I will be in the inspiration people believe me to be and I will believe it too

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Weekly Weigh In 3/22/11

Weight = 186.8
Loss = Not worth it

I weighed in on Tuesday but didn’t get a  chance to post.  A nap was far more important after only 4 hours of sleep.  Sorry!

Admittedly I have been struggling for weeks now.  Ever since the flu at the end of February, I have having a hard time being consistent with my eating.  I have partial good days but then screw it up with either too much food or the wrong choices.  I have been trying, unsuccessfully to get back into the game.  To help, I bought a bunch of salad stuff to have salads at lunch instead of a sandwich.

Exercise is fine.  I make 2-3 kettlebell classes per week.  I really want to hit the yoga studio each week but can't seem to get there.  I want to add in more cardio but again, where and when is the issue.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Killing my Confidence

Buying new, more fitting, clothes is killing my confidence.  I am unsure of how I look.  Not sure if it looks right.  Bugging my hubby and anyone who comes near me to give their honest opinion.

I have been wearing big clothes for a long long time.  Loose tops and bottoms I can pull on without unbuttoning.  It is so foreign to me to wear fitting clothes

For some reason I can’t get it in my head that I look good and I am not overexposing my excess fat. 

Big roomy clothes are comfy.  All my house clothes are huge.  So I switch from big and roomy to tighter and fitted when I leave the house.  I am at home quite often so I am more often in the big roomy clothes.

It is a pet peeve of mine that women should make sure their clothes fit properly.  Belly hanging over tight pants is not flattering.  Back fat is not pretty.

muffin-top-young-woman-tight-jeans

This is a mild example for sure.  Do people really think this is flattering?

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Too Short for Comfort

This week a friend visited far earlier then I would like.  Last month she visited a mere 25 days ago.  25 days.  That is not enough time for a second visit.  Sorry friend but I need at least 28 days to see you again.  You beat me up when you come into town.

This coming from someone whose friend would visit every 60 to 90 days.  This happened when I was hormonally out of whack from weight and the PCOS.  When I was hormonally under control my friends visits were between 30 and 35 days in between.  For the last year or so I have been extremely consistent but the last 3 months it was 26, 28 and then 25 days.  Yikes, way too short.

My drawback, non NSV, for getting fitter.

I have been a bit of a train wreck the last few days. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Dressing Room Dilemmas

I have slowly been working on beefing up my seriously lacking wardrobe.  I had to toss 3 shirts this week alone (holes and I have enough junky shits).  Shopping is less fun and more frustrating and tiring than I thought it would be. 

I went to Wal-Mart with the toddler in tow.  I know – not the best situation to clothes shop especially since I now have to try everything on.  I picked up some shirts and capris in 12 and 14. I had to force myself to not go to the Women’s (plus) section even though I saw some cute shirts.  Shopping the the “regular” section felt foreign to me.  Like I was entering a forbidden zone.

The 12’s all zipped up and buttoned.  Some were a bit tight so I didn’t buy them.  The shirts were Large but it feel foreign to me to have such fitting shirts.  I might go back and get the XL’s.  I am also not used to the girls and the girls points being so visible.  I have to get used to it I guess.

I tired Old Navy last night.  A bunch of Large shirts.  They fit but again too snug.  I might upsize but it is frustrating to see so little progress in the size department.  I didn’t buy anything but I will go back and spend more time at Old Navy.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Weekly Weigh In 3/15/11

Weight = 186.2
Loss = –0.6

Today is my Saturday, lazy day.  Confused?  Don’t be.  It goes like this.  Hubby works nearly 40 hours from sat to mon with a once a month additional Friday shift 9happen to fall this past week).  Today is his first day off, our weekend.  This doesn’t include OT he may get, like the 12 hours he will be working on wed.  I go from a single parent (sort of) to co-parent every week.  We have no family here so I am pretty alone on the weekends. From sat to mon he is virtually gone.  Leaves at 4:45 am, home at 7:30 pm and bed to bed by 9pm.

Can I just say I love to reading other blogs and would love to comment but I can’t find a quick easy way to do so.  I speed up my reading my using Google reader but there is no way (I found) to comment without having to open the individual blog and then the individual post, click on comment, etc.  Other bloggers, please know I read your posts every day.  Does anyone know of a better, faster way to comment. 

My weight is up from my lowest of 185.  I know why, I am not a fool.  I will be correcting the why.

Monday, March 14, 2011

No Filter but Honest

The other night I was sitting on my master bath floor with the boys doing the post bath grooming.  Ears, nails and drying their hair a bit.  My 70 year old stuck in a 7 year old body looked up at my count down calendar.

Wow, you wasted a lot of days not losing weight

IMG_1959

Yet another room in the house in need of a re-haul.  What you can’t see is the missing drywall and leaking bathtub.  Do you see the mop head in the bottom right.

Ouch, but let’s look at the facts.

I created this in Jan for a countdown to my anniversary party on April 8th, similar to the “I used to be Fat” on MTV.   Here is where I started at about 192.  My lowest on 3/1 was 185.  7 pounds in about 8 weeks.  Not horrible but not fantastic either.  He is right, I did waste some time.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

What’s the Deal

I am now working on my third cold in as many months.  WHY!  Could be that the toddler is also working on his third cold too.  We like to share around here.  I am supposed to be getting healthier, not sicker.  I don’t get it. I am going to sanitize the house today and get my pit of a car cleaned.  That didn’t happen.  We met up with some friends at Disneyland.  It was super crowded but still a good time, home late with no nap cranky puss.  Both my boys loved to dance at the ElecTronica dance party (even the toddler).

A glimpse into my life.  I can’t turn my back on this one.  He just turned 2.  Also a glimpse in another room that needs a major over-haul. 

IMG_1958 

The other day I found my open contact case on the patio.  Lucky for him I actually found both of my hard contacts on the ground. 

Big kid has a full week on minimum days (8:20 to 12:45) which includes lunch and a recess.  Seriously what is the point.

I gotten into a bad habit of eating breakfast way too late.  Today I had oatmeal at 12 as my first meal.  The time change screwed me up a bit.  Um that’s not breakfast anymore.  Need to fix this, bad idea, bad for the blood sugar and the body.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Silence is Golden

I have been quiet lately.  Quiet on my blog.  There is a few reasons for this.  None of which are about me slacking off on my getting fit journey.   I have been busy.  So busy that I barely spent any time with hubby on his 3 days off.  I have also been trying to focus on my home.  It really needs a deep cleaning and purging.  Both of which are difficult to do with El Diablo (my now 2 year old).  Hubby and I have been tag teaming on the to do list.  One watches El Diablo, the other works on the list.

Too much volunteering this week.  MOPS committee meeting, MOPS meeting, baseball team parent, classroom helper, youth group helper.  This among the Dr’s appointments (speech eval for baby) and dress shopping (fun but exhausting).  Not to forgot all the schlepping around of the kids – Bday party, baseball, school, play group, youth group, etc.  I did mange to get out and have some wine and Wii with some playgroup mommies, fun.  Little one came down with croup and a swelling insect bite on Thursday.  More fun, no sleep and another Dr. appointment.

I learned a new Kettlebell technique this week, that I love.  It is called a High Pull. Note on the picture below.  Her elbow should be higher than her hand.  It could be because her bell is tiny, way to light.  I use a 12 kg (26 pound) bell, the one below might be 10 pounds.  My arms are sore from Thursdays class.

highpullcurvekb

One technique I have been having difficulty with is the Clean.  I have bruise on my wrist from it, every time I go to class.  It is getting better but I still struggle with it.  Here is a video about a clean.

I will try to not be so silent.  Seems to be a common thing around the blog world lately.  Although I am amazed that some of you still mange to post among the chaos of life (Dr. Fatty).

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Weekly Weigh In 3/8/11

Weight  = 186.8
Loss = +1.8


Can’t believe I haven’t had anytime to sit down and blog.  Remember these words – don't ever be the team parent for Little League.  I did my weight on Tuesday am.  Today was even lower, about a pound less.  2 words for the last week SODIUM and WATER retention.  I peed flushed away nearly 4 pounds from Monday to Tuesday.  Lemon water really did the trick.

My 10 year anniversary party is a month away.  We are having a cocktail party on the same boat we are married on.  I went dress shopping today.  It was tiring but fun and successful.  I was fitting into 14 and 16’s.  For fitted short dresses that is good in my book.  My dress is a pretty purple halter.  Pictures later, from the event, so you will have to wait a month.  After all the dresses I was too beat to find casual clothes.  I was extra tired from lack of sleep and kettlebells last night.

I am beat.  I have been working on 5-6 hours sleep for a week or so, Chubby :-)

Monday, March 7, 2011

Fooling Who?

So I wrote yesterday about being off with my food.  I also mentioned that my weight is ok, about plus a pound.

Funny how we fool ourselves into thinking we are not doing THAT much damage when we veer off course,.  That hamburger or wings, or fires or brownie or shake won’t hurt me.

Sat am I was around 186.6, this morning I saw a 190 and freaked and this post came to life.  The crap creeps up on you.  The damage may not be visible right away or even a day after.  But a few days later and boom, your weight goes way up.  Father up then you ever thought you would go.  Way past your redline. 

My official weight in tomorrow might be ugly.

Gonna stick with the plan – water, exercise, good food choices.  I have a few challenges today.  Birthday party at a pizza place and MOPS meeting that usually has goodies at it.  Free form layout buffet style where you don’t know what your are eating goodies.  Plan is to not eat at both functions.  Eat before, bring water and stay on top.

Was my diversion a self sabotage from previous success or just a post flu bender?

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Detox Time

Ever since the flu I had the week before I have been having a hard time getting back on the proverbial horse.  Exercise is fine – Mon, Tue and Thur – k-bell class and wed – yoga, Sat – big walk and dancing.  More on exercise later. 

Food on the other hand not so good.  I haven’t logged my food since before I was sick.  I honestly liked that break from that routine.  My food choices and portions don’t scream weight loss, just the opposite.  Also not very clean choices.  Too many times eating out.

My weight is pretty stable.  I probably added a pound from my last weight.  I should be able to get that off quick.

I feel my poor choices everywhere.  My face is puffy.  I am achy.  My tummy is giving me issues and is bloated.  My exit end is having some issues.  I feel low on energy and just a general yuck.

Today’s plan
Water.  Track food.  Correct food choices.  Cardio exercise.  Then continue on same track every day after.

Exercise
Last night at a big birthday bash there was a bunch of Zumba ladies and instructors.  The DJ also played very specific Zumba music.  I danced a bit here and there but I was embarrassed.  Those Zumba ladies, all of which are significantly older than me, kicked my butt when it came to the cardio endurance of the dancing.  I need to add more cardio back into my exercise routine.  Not sure where I am going to fit it in.

How do you reset when you veer off?

Friday, March 4, 2011

What Minus 30 Pounds Looks Like

Finally I took some pictures.  Basically these are about a year later and less 30 pounds.  I honestly don’t see the difference.  I still look lumpy and huge to me.  Maybe it's my mood right now.  I know there is some difference but not as much as I would expect.  I thought I was wearing the same type of sports bra but I am not.  I tried flexing my arm muscle but it doesn't show up in the picture.
Amy Back - Page 002
Amy Front - Page 001
Amy Side - Page 003

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Weekly Weigh In 3/1/11

Weight = 185.0
Loss = –1.0

Slow and steady wins the race.  Great to see a loss after the nasty flu I had.  Monday was my first day back to exercise since the previous Monday.  Not too bad.  Tonight's k-bell class was hard but good.

I have been bored lately.  Bored with the cyber world.  Bored with Facebook, blogs, emails, etc.  But I can’t seem to make a break from it either.  Don’t know why it lost its sparkle.

I am also at a loss for words right now.  Sorry.

I still have a hard time believing my weight loss.  This weekend I have an event where the black dress will make an appearance with people I haven’t seen in sometime.  Might be interesting.