Monday, February 14, 2011

No Solution

I have a problem with no current solution.  It is related to my time management posts part 1 and part 2.

For months, probably more then I care to elaborate on, hubby and I have had a continuous discussion / disagreement / argument.  The issue centers around where (how) I spend my time. Hubby thinks I spend too much time on non home related activities.  I don’t want to make him out like an ogre.  He is right.  I don’t put enough effort into the home and it shows.  Parts of my home are chaotic.  When I use the term home it refers to wifely, mommy and all around household stuff.  Today I had an epiphany on the problem.

Today I was typing an email to the baseball parents about a million different things coming up.  This on a day where I had very little sleep the second night in a row, crazy toddler.  After an 8:30am baseball practice with cranky toddler in tow.  Toddler getting into everything every time I turn my back.  He actually flooded the kitchen 2 times today.  He is able to climb onto the counters unassisted.  Anyway, onto the story.  A light bulb went off as I was typing.  I enjoyed putting my efforts outside of the home because it is the only place where I feel a sense of accomplishment and validation.  I can get something done, get it done very well and check it off my mental list.  There is practically nothing at home where I feel that.

“I think the home should rise up to greet you, but people should rise up to greet each other," he says. "Your life should actually rise up to greet you."  - Nate Berkus

My home can’t remotely fit into this category.  Of my 3 bathrooms, all 3 are in need of major repair / renovation.  We are talking leaks, missing sections of drywall and linoleum from the 80’s.  My baseboards have yet to be finished since the floor was installed nearly a year ago.  Some walls are unpainted and the walls we did paint to repair / touch up thanks to El Diablo (toddler).  I have virtually no decor with beat to hell furniture.  There is controlled clutter, but it should not be there, I get it hidden.  Just wanted make sure I don’t come across as a hoarder.  My kitchen is from the 70’s.  My backyard is … arg can’t even put words to describe it.

This may be a problem exclusive to only Stay and Home mommies or mommies in general.  It is my reality now.  I know big picture, I am lucky to have a home, a hubby with a job and food on the table.  This is just another piece of the Ginormous puzzle of my journey to get fit forever.


  1. When I feel overwhelmed like this, it helps to make a list, then get drunk and shred the list up into tiny little pieces and throw it high into the air and then just laugh and laugh and laugh. It's snowing! By God, it's snowing!

    Hope that helps...

  2. Sorry to burst your bubble, it's sunny and 75 here :-)

    Wine is tempting, but the calories, I am trying so hard to stay under 1500 on a consistent basis. Consistency is a four letter word I WILL fix.

  3. My commitments outside the home are almost identical to yours, except I'm a Cub Scout leader instead of MOPS. And I do it for exactly the same reasons you do. And my house suffers too. I think that it is difficult for anyone, but for me personally, it comes from being in a professional environment where that sense of accomplishment on a day-to-day basis is part of how I define myself. And dishes tht get dirty 5 times a day and continual laundry that will never ever be over does not shout "ACCOMPLISHMENT!" to me. For people who have gotten into a routine where they can manage it all, I am in complete awe.

    I love the concept of Check her out if you haven't before. I'm not "there" yet, but her approach is great.

  4. Totally!!! right on the nail. I used to work in a high stress, high demand, high output and highly professional job - FDA regulated.

    I am in AWE too but remember you may not know why lies beneath. Maybe that person is expected to perform that way or else. Or maybe there is a marriage in crisis and the stuff is the only thing "she" can control.

  5. I completely understand that. When you do a great job on a PTA committee, then you get thanks from other PTA members. When you clean the floor or finish the laundry, does your hubby ever say thanks? Or is it just expected? I know that's how it is at my house. I'm expected to get stuff done around the house. No thanks, no "good job". It's tough!

  6. Its not about the praise for me. More the lack of completion. clean the fllow, it's beautiful, looks, grea, BOOOM turn around and it's dirty.