Monday, October 18, 2010

Asking for Help

I am overwhelmed and to be perfectly honest, depressed.  Warning - Vent ahead!!!

Baby hurricane is kicking my ass.  It is bordering on questioning if the kid is "normal" or not.  Both hubby and I have questioned his normalcy to the point where I am teetering on getting "help" for him.  "help" =  Dr's, testing, therapy, who knows.  Hurricane is 19 months but has no words, except no.  He is wicked smart with a wicked temper and a nack to get into EVERYTHING.  At 18 months the Dr. mentioned seeking assistance (speech).  I feel sorry for my calm natured 6 YO.  He is having a hard time with his brother too.

But this is not the point of my post.

My "To Do" list is a mile long.  It is full of important "To Do's".  I can't even being to think of my "want to" list.  When do I ever think I might have the time to frame and hang pictures of my kids that have been piled up for years.  My "getting fit" focus is gone right now.  I haven't done regular exercise for a month or more.  My eating is ok, good, but I credit that to the fact that eating "mostly" healthily is second nature to me.

I can't pick a single thing I feel successful at right now because I can't actually finish one thing.  Everything is in partial.  I am part done with the laundry, the bathroom is partially done, I bought the grocery's but didn't put the veggies is the proper (Tupperware) container, I partially trimmed and weeded the front yard but couldn't finish since the baby woke up.

I am seriously contemplating asking to have a house cleaner come 2 times a month.  I am willing to give up a good portion of my spending money (allowance if you want) to do so.  I feel that knowing the house is clean and sanitary will lift 20 mental pounds off my back.  Is there guilt involved in the stay at home mom asking for someone to clean her house - you bet.  BUT - I am throwing in the towel and asking for help.  I want to check off my to do list, I want to exercise without feeling guilty, I want to do some of my "want to" list, I want to have fun with my kids, I want to be happy.

Oh!! There is another part of me that is screaming right now - Amy - why can't you handle this?  Why can't you do what others (with less or more kids) seem to do with "grace and ease".  I actually told my hubby the other day it hard to take the baby to the park because then I am not at home doing crap.  I suck need help.

6 comments:

  1. Don't feel guilty! Get the cleaner and give yourself that bit of help. I got over the guilt and had one twice a month for a while. I was a lot nicer to my husband when I was not mad at him for making a mess that I had to clean up! Eventually, my compromise was that I did the main floor of the house, because I kept that up anyways, and had the cleaning lady do the upstairs and bathrooms. I'd still have one if my husband hadn't lost his job and now 5 years later is home all day with me still.

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  2. (((( hugs ))))

    Listen, I don't get tons of stuff on your list done and I dont even have kids.

    Get the cleaner. The only thing that matters is you and your sanity and if you guys can afford it with some juggling it sounds like a good solution.

    I want you to check out item 67 on this post, ok?

    http://lowstressweightloss.com/blog/100-things-that-make-me-happy-numbers-61-70/2263

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  3. Let me tell you I sometimes feel like running away and never coming back. I'm a stay at home mom of 3 boys who tear up every nerve I have, plus I go to school part time, take care of everything at home and run all the errands, plus cook, exercise and do my blog. I get exactly where you are coming from and if I could afford it I would definitely hire someone to clean for me. My house is a mess right now but I just try to get what I can get done today and the rest can wait until tomorrow. I have tried to be the perfectionist and keep a perfect house and family and it just can't be done or at least for very long. If you can afford to have someone come in and clean a few days a week I say go for it. Your family is only going to benefit from some of the stress being taken off of you. Good luck and know you are not alone in this battle.

    http://nevertheskinnygirl.blogspot.com

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  4. Here's my rule: If there parents feel like something is wrong, the kid should be checked until we're sure something isn't wrong.

    That being said...My oldest was a chatter box. Talked in full sentences at 1y. Never stopped since. My 2nd didn't talk nearly as quick. Part of it was he was taking for her. An 18mo old should had 3-5 words.

    Some of how you are feeling is just adjusting to being a Mommy to 2. It's hard. That's a busy age. I think if you can afford help at home, get it for a while until you feel like you are gaining some control.

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  5. Dr. - thank you. We are adjusting to 2 completely different kids, 5 years apart. I am right on the line of getting help for the baby. Just need to step over it.

    Christina - Feel ya, couldn't imagine adding school to the mix.

    Sarah - love the song.

    Karen - you are a guide

    I am feeling better. Needed a good purge. We will see if a cleaner happens.

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  6. I understand where you are coming from! I am a homeschooling mom of three kids, ages 8, 10, and 17. One of those kids has special needs (Dyslexia and dyspraxia, possibly ADHD also). I also go clean other people's houses 2-3 days a week to make ends meet, teach Sunday School, teach a class at homeschool co-op, etc. etc. etc.

    Sometimes you just have to ask for help, no need feeling guilty.

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