Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween

It's Halloween.  A day were everyone dresses up and gets to be something they are not.

I have never been a fan of wearing a costume.  I had some fun ones here and there.  But overall, not my favorite activity.

I wake up every day with a costume that makes me achy.  My costume rolls around me and make me feel sluggish.  My costume covers my face up.  My costume affects my confidence and level of happiness.  I hide behind my costume from those in much smaller, fitter costumes.  I am wearing a costume of fat and rolls on my fit self.  I am covered in a costume.  On the outside I am someone I am am not on the inside.  I am fat.  Fat on a fit person. 

Time to remove my costume of fat forever.

Have fun tonight.  Remember the saying "moment on the lips, forever on the hips".

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Party Planning

I have 2 party events this weekend.  I love parties.  I am a shy social butterfly.  Weird, I know.  With the social, I love party food.  Both parties are potluck.  Even better.  I am "variety is the spice of life" kind of girl.  Especially with food.  Historically, these are the types of parties where I overeat and get miserable.  Add in the high calories for the bits of alcohol I consume and you have a hot mess. 

What is the best way to approach party situations with your heath in mind?

One wise, mostly thin friend would choose to skip the alcohol and spend her calories on food (or desert) without overeating.  Not that I am much of a drinker, but I do enjoy a cocktail on occasion.  Party number 1, tonight is without kids, so I really might want a cocktail bucket (or 2).  My very fit BFF or UPT (Unofficial Personal Trainer) might take a bite or 2 but otherwise avoids all the bad stuff.  With her, it usually depends on where she is with a goal.  If she is in goal mode, XXX weight or a triathlon coming up, she abstains completely.  That isn't for me me either.  One, I am not sure I CAN do that.  Two, I have no desire to abstain completely.

I have been having a hard time getting back on the horse since my colonscopy prep, etc.  In fact yesterday I was way way off the horse when I took the kids to Disneyland.  I am up 2 pounds.  I need to get back on the horse, wagon or whatever you want to call it.

So here is my plan:
  • Lots of water and tea.  I will make a big pot of my Oolong tea.   It is supposed to help with the digestions of carbs.
  • Exercise.  When I put the baby down for a nap, I will get on the treadmill.  This will be hard because I have a ton of stuff to do around the house too.  I have a sitter coming, so cleaning IS required.
  • Low carb for the day.  Steel oatmeal with flax, protein and no sugar.  Steak soup for lunch and an apple with PB just before the party.
  • Enjoy the party but keep it small and sensible.
The thing about weight loss, plans, etc that makes it so dam frustrating at times is that you don't know if you are on the right track.  Ever feel that way?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hunky Doery

As you may have figured from here I was blessed with a colonoscopy yesterday.  The procedure was easy.  The preparation was the hardest part.  Fasting on liquids for 24 hours and drinking 3 Liters of sodium solution did a number on my body.  I am still purging the sodium.

I passed the test, no issues, yeah!

Now I am ready to get back to my regular eating habits.

I was back a Boot Camp at 5:30 am with the moon still out and it was super windy.  It was OK.  The trainer is a sub and he takes too much time talking so I cool down too quick.  I might get on the treadmill today for some extra exercise.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 10/26/10

Weight = 191.2
Loss = -1.0

I am not putting a ton of stock in today's weight.  With all the "cleaning" out and all liquids diet I did yesterday I expected the number to be 18X but I guess not.  It's fine.  It's all the white bread I ate.  A bit TMI but the white (processed) food affected me.  I was bloated and let say "noisy".

To reach my Hot 100 weight goal of 174 I have to drop 2 pounds every week.  That is a tall order for me.  I am a snail pace looser.  I have to plan in order to do this.  I can't do it by the seat of my pants.  I will have to enlist my hubby's help too.  I will need his help with the kids so I can exercise more often.

My couch is calling me.  The "cleaning" out is still in effect.  My procedure is in 3 hours.  When I am recovered, this car is going in drive.  I am not sure what I can eat today but I really desire some comfort food.  I want to make my Mom's mac and cheese.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Perfect Illustration of Why

This is why I don't use my clothes or a particular size as an indicator of success.  I use the scale (yuck, I know) and my measurements.  Granted this is for men's pants but I imagine the discrepancy in women's pants is even crazier.  Imagine Old Navy is a full 5 inches bigger.  5 inches is a lot of extra poundage on the midsection.

I am happy to no longer be in the "women's" or "plus" section.  I look forward to the day when even more options are open to me.  I am on the border still between Plus and Regular sizing.  With the large chest I still have to reach for XL or XXL to cover up the ladies.  Otherwise I could give a crap about the size of the clothes I am wearing.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Clarification on "My Break"

I re-read my post about my break and realised something.  The post reads like I am happy about the limited food or the break.  Or that I will enjoy not eating whole grains.  It reads like I WANT the break.

Seriously I am NOT happy.  I don't want to be on a break.  I have been a whole grain, clean (mostly) eater for years now.  I am really not sure WHAT to eat this weekend with the limited list.  I want to be on track.  I can't have a salad and if I eat bread it has to be white. 

I am worried about not taking my medicine.  Because of my PCOS (= insulin resistance) I take Metformin daily.  It is a diabetes medicine but I am NOT diabetic.  I worry that my body (= weight) will go nutso.

I worry about the discomfort from the "cleaning" on Monday with all liquids.

I worry about the procedure and what they might find.

I worry about how I will feel afterwards.

I am bummed that I might have to miss Boot Camp most of next week.

Just wanted to clarify.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Unintentional Break

I decided I will have to take an unintentional break from my weight.  It will be a short one.  Next Tuesday I am scheduled for a lovely medical procedure.  For this procedure I have to stop my meds and vitamins for 3 days.  Starting tomorrow I get to eat a low fiber / low residue diet.  So that means I will be allowed to eat things I rarely touch, like white bread, super limited fruit and veggies, white rice, etc.  No whole grains, no raw veggies, no nuts or seeds. On Monday I am on all liquids.  FUN

I have no idea what this will do to me and my weight and I am not going to worry about it.  I will probably still do my weekly weigh in on Tuesday but I will not be concerned with the number.  I will not weigh myself between now and then.  Out of mind.

I will still be Blogging.

100 points if you guess what I get to enjoy on Tuesday :-)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Love Your Body Day

Today is National Love Your Body Day as Miz Fit mentioned here.

I love my body.

I love that my body baked and nourished 4 souls, 2 of which light up my everyday and 2 in heaven.  Maybe not every moment.

I love my body for the power it gives me, the power to do, the power to move.  The power to complete a 1 hr Boot Camp class with no problems.

I love that my body is a source of comfort for the other souls in my house.

I love that my body and I have an understanding.  I listen and respond to it's needs.  I really think many women fail to truly listen to their bodies.

I love every scar, battle wounds, stretch mark, wrinkle and sag.

I love that I can pick out parts of my body that match parts of my parents and kids.

I love my body.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 10/19/10

Weight = 192.2
Loss = + 1.2

This is one of those weeks all dieters weigh loss hopefuls despise.  A week where the scale doesn't reflect what you think.  I came back from a long trip down over a pound, to my amazement.  Since Wed my food intake was about 90% on track.  I had one heavy lunch and Fondue one night.  There was no exercise but a lot of TV catch up.  I step on the scale often to check progress.  Sunday am things were great, I was just a tad over 190.  I had a feeling I would finally dip into the 180's.  My food was great and lots of water, all day.  Mon am = + a pound.  Today = even more. 

I really though I was on the right track, with the lack of exercise exception.  I realise now what the big difference between last week (trip) and this week.  Activity.  On our trip we were constantly on the go.  walking, lugging kids, lugging crap, stairs, etc.  Wasn't formal exercise but I think it made a big difference.  Today I started a 4 week Boot Camp so I think things will kick back in gear.

HOT 100 Update
Goal of 174 - I will have to kick it into high gear to give this goal some momentum.

Waist - Boot camp will help and I will do some focused work here.  If when I reach goal #1, this number should be no problem.

Water - 72 oz - with the cooler temps, this one becomes a problem.  I forget to drink.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Asking for Help

I am overwhelmed and to be perfectly honest, depressed.  Warning - Vent ahead!!!

Baby hurricane is kicking my ass.  It is bordering on questioning if the kid is "normal" or not.  Both hubby and I have questioned his normalcy to the point where I am teetering on getting "help" for him.  "help" =  Dr's, testing, therapy, who knows.  Hurricane is 19 months but has no words, except no.  He is wicked smart with a wicked temper and a nack to get into EVERYTHING.  At 18 months the Dr. mentioned seeking assistance (speech).  I feel sorry for my calm natured 6 YO.  He is having a hard time with his brother too.

But this is not the point of my post.

My "To Do" list is a mile long.  It is full of important "To Do's".  I can't even being to think of my "want to" list.  When do I ever think I might have the time to frame and hang pictures of my kids that have been piled up for years.  My "getting fit" focus is gone right now.  I haven't done regular exercise for a month or more.  My eating is ok, good, but I credit that to the fact that eating "mostly" healthily is second nature to me.

I can't pick a single thing I feel successful at right now because I can't actually finish one thing.  Everything is in partial.  I am part done with the laundry, the bathroom is partially done, I bought the grocery's but didn't put the veggies is the proper (Tupperware) container, I partially trimmed and weeded the front yard but couldn't finish since the baby woke up.

I am seriously contemplating asking to have a house cleaner come 2 times a month.  I am willing to give up a good portion of my spending money (allowance if you want) to do so.  I feel that knowing the house is clean and sanitary will lift 20 mental pounds off my back.  Is there guilt involved in the stay at home mom asking for someone to clean her house - you bet.  BUT - I am throwing in the towel and asking for help.  I want to check off my to do list, I want to exercise without feeling guilty, I want to do some of my "want to" list, I want to have fun with my kids, I want to be happy.

Oh!! There is another part of me that is screaming right now - Amy - why can't you handle this?  Why can't you do what others (with less or more kids) seem to do with "grace and ease".  I actually told my hubby the other day it hard to take the baby to the park because then I am not at home doing crap.  I suck need help.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Drawing a Blank

I've been having a hard time blogging, reading and commenting.  We are down to 1 computer in the house with 3 users so I have to negotiate time.  Wed thru today I been working on getting back into the groove from our big trip.  All the usual stuff to catch up on, unpack, laundry, massive HW catch up, mail and more mail, cleaning the house, sleep, TV shows, etc.  Baby hurricane has been super needy and not giving me much time.  When he sleeps I need to do the big stuff, like weeding and trimming my front yard (my sat).  Big boy found a new computer game and bugs me constantly to get on the computer.

I am hoping I can get back into it later today. 

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 10/13/10

One day late - trip
Weight = 191.0
Loss = -1.6

Quick note.  I am 100% flabbergasted that I manged to drop weight.  I weighed in Wed am on 10/13 only a few (7 or so) hours after getting off a plane from an 8 day trip.  A trip where I ate and then ate some more.  I spent most of today resting and catching up.  More later.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Job Evaluation

I wanted to blog about my failures at my job.  I wanted to rant and rave how I suck.  I have been in a bit of a negative cloud about my job ever since my baby (#2) starting walking 9 months ago.  Now that he is a full blown toddler I am struggle even more.  Three years ago I went from a chemistry degree holding professional in the pharmaceutical industry to a 100% stay at home momma.

But ....

Time to turn the frown upside down.  Focus on the positive.  My job description.  No really this is just a blurb of a lengthy "resume" for a stay at home mom.  I thought is was cute.
Volunteer position requiring intense training in child development, early childhood behavior, and interpersonal/intergenerational group dynamics. The position also requires advanced training in alternative dispute resolution, and excellent communication skills. There is a strong emphasis on time management, accounts receivable, accounts payable, tracking inventory, procurement, and cost reduction. I am required to with no supervision or guidance, to make quick, crucial and often unprecedented decisions regarding Organization Policy, to effectively guide the Organization in the most profitable direction, to set and meet my own deadlines, and to successfully foresee, and plan for, possible contingencies which may effect the overall direction and health of the Organization.
I can be at school drop off and pick up.  I can hug every ache and pain.  I can experience everything my toddler does because I am always present.  With the exception of my hubby I am the soul that cares for my kids.  I read to my son every night.  I have a car to drive and a house to park it at.  I get to choose how my family eats and what is in my house.

I get to see every giggle, smile and tear from my toddler.

I am free to take care of a sick kid without the pressures of work.  I am free to change my schedule at anytime I want.  I am free to eat bon bons on the couch and watch Oprah.  As if that happens.

Side note:  I have no intention of getting into the mommy wars about being at home vs. working.  The intent is purely to help me focus on the positive I am doing instead of the negativity going on in my head.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Vacation Again

We are heading out of town again.  This trip is far different from the several we have taken the past year. 

The differences
Completely new cities where we have no idea what is available to us.  We are staying in a hotel rather then renting out houses.  We will be eating out more often than all of our previous trips combined.  We don't know where to find the healthier eating out options

The positives
We are going on vacation.  Although vacation and a 19 month old don't compute.  We are staying in suite hotels with kitchenettes.  Both hotels have fitness rooms and indoor pools.  We are packing workout clothes and swimsuits.  I am checking something off my bucket list - New York City.

Both hubby and don't want to gain weight this trip.  On the other hand I also have a few items I want to indulge in.  Oh like our trip to TLC's Cake Boss's Bakery.  Cheesesteak in Philly?  I am excited and very nervous about this trip.  I pray the toddler will be ok.  I hope the 3 days of scheduled rain in NY aren't too bad since we are only there for 3 days.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 10/5/2010

Weight = 192.4
Loss = +0.6

I didn't expect a big loss today.  Not suprised by the gain.  Mother Nature visited Monday and packed a wallop.  I swelled up like a balloon.  I also had a late and heavy dinner last night.

I will out of town until next Tuesday.  Zero computer access.  SCARY!!!!!!  I have some scheduled posts but I won't be making any comments.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

2010 Pictures - Sort Of

Yesterday I posted my heaviest pictures.  I went thru all the summer pictures today and I found a total of 6 pictures of me out of 450, three of which I took holding the camera at arm's length.  I will be asking hubby to take more pictures.  I will have more after this next trip.  I can't believe how few I am in.  Here is a small college of my most recent.  I am about 5 pounds less than these pics.  I will be taking my progress pics hopefully today, I asked my neighbor to help.

I wanted to take out the 2 body shots of me in the pink shirt.  I think I still look lumpy, humpty dumpty.  The shirt is not flattering.  I am in the 190's, so there is fluff and stuff still around but still, hate to see it in pictures.  Is there a difference?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

2007 Pictures - My Heaviest

Below is a collection of pictures from 2007.  This is my heaviest known weight.  Somewhere in the low 230's.  I have a recorded weight of 232 in Nov. 2007, so I could have been higher.  This was 3 years post baby #1.  It was hard to find pictures of me.  I am usually covered by my son.  I am the one taking most of the pics.  Hubby sucks at taking pictures.  And I generally don't like my picture taken.  I am not one of those crazy people who run and hide from cameras, it's just a general dislike.  I am not photogenic and I always look like a tomato no matter what makeup I have on.

These scare the crap out of me.  Especially the one in the light blue shirt.  I know it is a bad angle but geeze look at all the rolls and mounds of fat on me.  Gross.  I wasn't kidding when I said 80% of my weight is in my boobs and tummy. 

One of the rare compliments I received from my Dad this year was "You got your face back".

Friday, October 1, 2010

September in Review

Start Weight = 194.6
End Weight = 190.8
Loss = - 3.8

I did step on the scale today, even though it's not Tuesday my typical weigh in day. Two reasons. One, I am a habitual weigher. Maybe not every day but most days I do. Helps to know where I am and it shows the good (or damage) I did prior to weighing. My second reason for weighing today is for the HOT 100 update.  I am so close to dropping under 190. I can smell it.

How was the month? My September word is adjustment. We (family and I) went from a free and loose vacation filled summer schedule to super scheduling. October will be adding more to the calendar with the start of homework and a few more activities and events. I like being active and busy but on the other hand I do enjoy breathing. Adjustment of my attitude was in order when I decided to skip out on the Triathlon. I think I am still mourning it (it's in 2 days) and it swing me into a depressed state for a week or so.

How are my HOT 100 goals going?

  1. 16.8 pounds to go for my weight. A bit over 2 pounds gone. I am not worried.
  2. Waist from 48 to 44 inches. Only time and exercise will tell.
  3. Water 72 oz. Not problems here. When the weather cool off I have a harder time but water and tea are the only things I drink.
I haven't talked much about this goal. I decided not to run the 3.1 miles. I didn't train for it. I know I could do it but it didn't feel like my time right now. I am going to keep my focus on food and the 3 exercise modes I enjoy: Yoga, walking w/ incline, and circuit / strength training (Boot Camp Style).