Sunday, September 26, 2010

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

I wanted to give a proper response to all the awesome comments I received in my mirror post.

A few of you mentioned emotional eating.  What first stuck me was "that was not emotional eating".  I wasn't having specific emotions at the time.  Then I thought about it more and the light bulb went off.  When I get overwhelmed with my job (Stay at home Mom) I shutdown, ok check.  Hubby's observation was shutdown = crappy eating, ok check two.  Emotional eating, well I am stressed.  I guess I never equated stress with an emotional response.  I also never realized I stress equals I eat.  I know when I am depressed, sad, etc, I eat poorly.  Silly.

I try not be be OCD perfectionist.  I'm lucky if I manage to get anything done, so who has the time to be perfect about it.  I do beat myself up with the whole motherhood thing.  I feel like I am failing my kids.  I could write a whole post how I feel like a failure and I just might do that.  My 18 month old is kicking my ass.  I love him to death and it some aspects he is an easy baby but in others he is a holy tornado.  I spend 70% of my time just trying to keep up (clean after) with him.  I am also adjusting to the new school schedule, soccer 2x a week, boy scouts and a dance class for the 6 year.   I do all my own stunts.  Which means unlike many other moms I know, I clean my own house, garden my own lawn, do my laundry.

My husband is a keeper but definitely not flawless.  Like many men, he doesn't finish what he starts.  He also wants to do all the work himself because he wants to learn and he is thrifty (I'm being kind).  My guest bath has been unfinished for 4 years or more, I lost count.  New floors in March 2010, baseboards 60% up and unfinished.  The piles of pavers in backyard that were supposed to be small retaining wall, about 5 years sitting there.  Large missing sections of drywall in master bathroom (leak detection), 2 years.  Painting and baseboards in oldest room, unfinished, 3 years.  Does this stress me out, absolutely.  Do I get embarrassed about the condition of my house, you bet.

So this may seem like a boo hoo post.  It is, but I think I just need to get some crap off my chest and move on.  A second post to get all the crap off could be in the works.  I know how damm lucky I am to be home with my kids, heck to even have a house to worry about taking care of.  I also know that many working moms do all the crap I do and work full time.  Although, when you work full time there is no one at the house making a mess.  We are home very often and my hubby is home 4 days a week (w/ no OT).    Please don't think of me as a spoiled whiny brat, I just need to vent.

2 comments:

  1. I don't think you are whining at all you just needed to vent some of what is stress you out and thats good for you. I to am a stay at home mom and thank god the kids are back in school now, but still I spend all day cleaning only for them to walk in from school and it look like a tornado has hit after they are done. It can be very stressful and disappointing. I love my kids to death to but they know exactly what buttons to push but I have had to learn to deal with that stress in other ways. I walk now so when I'm finally really stressed I will take an extra long walk and work myself to almost the point of exhaustion. It gets me out of the house and away from the source of my stress and while I'm walking I can think and figure out what I need to do when I get back home to get things done. I am the one with OCD so I like things to be a certain way and when they aren't I'm very stressed but I'm learning to let somethings go. As far as the house being done maybe you should give him a to do list, maybe he is overwhelmed but what he still has to do and doesn't know where to start. Maybe you two could work on projects together instead of him doing it all by himself. Just some suggestions. Good luck and keep venting if thats what you need to do, it helps.

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  2. One of the best things I ever did for myself was starting a list of 100 things that make me happy. That's my go-to list of things to do, see, experience when I am stressed.

    It's not just having the list that's helped (although it has) but it's made me change some of my patterns and realize there are a LOT of ways I can manage stress. It's also helped me keep stress down in the first place - I try to focus on how many nice, pleasurable things I have in a day.

    My list is here : http://lowstressweightloss.com/blog/relax/things-that-make-me-happy

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