Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 8/31/2010

Weight = 194.6
Loss = - 1.0

I really want to drop below 190 soon and stay below it.  Earlier in the week I was hitting 193 and change but my last 2 days haven't been the best eating wise.

Food - I have been skipping the veggies.  Well, not totally skipping, just not eating enough or often enough.  Same with fruit.  I may have an apple here or there but that's about it.  Need to increase the fruits and veggies.

I am off on a another road trip to visit my parents with hubby and both kids.  6 hours in the car, here we come.  I am going to make good choices.

More later.

Monday, August 30, 2010

My Past Attempts - Part 2

Part  2 of of my personal review of where I have been before.  Part one can be found here.

I have "Dieting" more times that I can count or even remember.  I tried, fail and tried again only to fail again. 

At some point, don't know when, I hopped on board a program my dad created.  He created an Excel files to track his calories, etc.  I not sure how you would classify how we were eating but best guess would be Zone style.

Around 2002 my husband and I tried Body for Life. We really enjoyed working out together and the eating program was ok, but strict. I honestly can't remember how long I did it or if I lost weight. I remember my body changing but that is so typical of me. Even with 60 or more extra pounds on me I can completely change my shape (for the good) and not lose a single pound. So frustrating.  There is that theme again - it's all about the food.

At the time of my 30th birthday (2003) and after a 1 1/2 years of trying for number 1 kid I went to Lindora.  Lindora is an extreme program.  Super low crab ketosis state program.  I was successful, when I did it.  I think there is where I got down to about 192 (maybe a 12 pound loss) and the I also miraculously got pregnant with no help.  Do I believe the weight loss, helped me get pregnant, absolutely.

When I finally discovered that I have PCOS I started seeing an endocrinologist on a regular basis.  She prescribed Metaformin which helps regulate insulin in my body.  She also recommended following the 3rd phase of the South Beach Diet.  I think I did this one maybe 3 different times and stopped.  I continue to take the metaformin and Dr. said it is my choice of when to stop.  I might dose down in about 20 more pounds and then off completely when I hit my goal.

One of my more successful times was under the care of an infertility specialist to get kid number 2 after 2 miscarriages and 3 years of trying.  His diet prescription was - no sugar, no dairy, soft cheese, green veggies, nuts, lean protein and no starch.  Hello, low carb.  I lost about 15 pounds quickly and even during my first trimester of pregnancy . Got pregnant on the first IUI -Clomid try.  In addition, my highest pregnancy weight never went above my high of 232.

I also remember owning books like "Stop the Insanity" and "Dr. Phil's Weight Loss Revolution" and "The Zone."

The scary thing is I don't think this list included everything I have tried and I am only 37 years old.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Power of Food (Fuel)

All week I have been eating on target.  I have been keeping it pretty low carb, high protein, and small portions.  I managed some exercise here and there.  Overall I have been feeling great, happy, high energy, getting lots done, and awesome.

Today I decided to have a Jersey Mikes sub with chips.  I choose this and I was totally conscious of my choice.  I choose an Original Italian with Ruffles (Cheddar Sour Cream).  I enjoyed my sub and chips.  It was delicious and I loved every smorsel.  I was full but not overfull, stuffed.  A little later I was walking in Target and I felt lethargic, sluggish, cranky, crappy, yucky and snippy.  It only got worse as the day went on.  Towards the evening I even felt achy and just all over bad. 

Was the total 180 in how I was feeling come from the heavy, carb and crap loaded lunch?  Really?  Did it have that much power on my body?  I heard people like Julian Michael's or Tosca Reno (Eat Clean) mention how all the preservatives, fillers, chemicals, etc can totally affect how they feel since they eat so clean all the time.  Was it a all just a coincidence?

What did I do after?
I had a pity party for the above and a few other reasons.  The pity party included 2 1/2 slices of buttered toast with jam and a scoop of ice cream.  Grand idea!  Great Dinner!

Friday, August 27, 2010

Active Choices

Weight loss, getting healthy, is all about choices.  We all know that.  Hell, life is all about choices.

Last night I looked at my possibilities for exercise classes for today.  I decided I was going to kickboxing at 8:45 am and then maybe get to 6pm sunset yoga.  Part of the day would include all 4 of us going to the beach after the baby napped.  My day was full of choices.  I woke up and made a choice to go to kickboxing, leaving my husband with the cranky toddler to contend with and get down for a nap.  I made a choice to eat a healthy breakfast and take my medicine prior to class in order to fuel my body properly.  I choose to work hard in class to make it worth my effort.  It was my choice to eat light and healthy all day.  Tonight I choose not to go to a 6pm sunset yoga class in order to have a family dinner.  This is where I started thinking about choices.
Choice - noun  1. an act or instance of choosing; selection:  2. the right, power, or opportunity to choose; option:  3. the person or thing chosen or eligible to be chosen:  4. an alternative:  5. an abundance or variety from which to choose:
We can make active and passive choices.  This weight loss / fit thing is about active choices.  I debated back and forth about yoga, while cleaning the bathroom and bathing the kids. 
I want to go to Yoga
It's 5:15 pm, we can eat I can still make it
I want to go to yoga but I did exercise today
Should I ask Hubby how he feels about me going
It's been over a week since my last class
I am thinking he won't like the idea - Family dinner and I went out all wed night
It's 5:40 pm and Hubby still doesn't have dinner ready
Sunset yoga sounds so cool
Not sure I can do both the family dinner and yoga
Ok, I choose family dinner over yoga and I am good with that choice
I made an ACTIVE choice not to go to yoga.  I did what I need to do for my health already and my family is equally important.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Just One Letter

I lost 33 inches off my body so why do I still feel the way I do.  Why do I feel puffy?  Why do I feel like humpty dumpty?  Why do I feel fat and yucky?  I don't feel this way all the time but it creeps in pretty often.  I still have a long way to go.  I am still the fat girl.  A fitter version of my fattest self. 

How did I feel 35 pounds and 33 inches ago?  How much worse did I feel?  Was I just in complete denial on how I felt?  Was I so overwhelmed with life that I can dead last in the equation.

I just realized there is one letter difference between FIT and FAT.  It takes a long time to change that A to and I but I will do it.  I am the turtle in this journey.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 8/24/10

Weight = 195.6
Loss = -1.4

Things are looking up or should I say they are looking down.  I found a really good chiropractor who specializes in A.R.T (Active Release Techniques) and sports injury & performance.  I went to him for my foot.  We both think I have tendonitis not planar fasciitis.  He did some work on my foot and gave me a list of stretches with icing also.  I am slowing going to work up the impact cardio (running).

Tonight I went to my first Turbo Kick class.  This was a totally new location and new people.  Everyone was super nice and did full intros with handshakes.  There was 5 people total and the instructor, everyone was mostly fit / thin.  So I got a bit miffed during the class.  The instructor was showing me modifications, which is perfectly fine.  Then she was correcting my punches, etc even though the others weren't exactly doing them correctly.  I never saw her correct anyone else on anything.  Ok fine there too.  Then she told me to drink water "especially since this your first class".  So the negative side of me felt uncomfortably isolated and then I didn't like the feeling of "oh the fat girl with no exercise ability".  Well low and behold I did just fine, very little modifications, and even the instructor's husband and another lady commented that I looked like I knew what I was doing.  Damn straight.

OK so I am a bit sensitive.  Sometimes my insecurity rises from the deep depth I locked it in.  Yes, I also get a bit competitive too.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Changing it Up

I guess this is part 2 of my treadmill goodbye.  I have a ton of thoughts going in my head.  This may be part rant, part complaints and part finding every excuse in the book.  I am hoping once I get thru all the excuses I will reach the point where I have no excuses.

Exercise - So how do I feel about exercise?  Over the past 8 months of consistent exercise I have leaned that it is my escape.  I enjoy it even though I have a hard time getting to it and sometimes pushing myself.  I love how I feel for the rest of the day.  I love the changes I see in my body.  A great yoga class recharges my soul.  Escape - I hope on the treadmill with my headphones and watch my fav dirty TV shows on my kids little DVD player.  Those shows that Mr. doesn't watch and kids should be nowhere near, like True Blood, Dexter, Californication, etc.  I can even run and still watch the TV.  No distractions (mostly), usually no one asking for something.  I can exercise continuously without interruption, a key for me.

i don't want to
  • run with the jogging stroller & kids because of the pushing and distractions.  Not to mention my toddler can wiggle out of the straps.
  • do an exercise DVD with the kids around because I ONE don't think it will work and TWO the interruptions
  • exercise early in the early morning.  I don't really have the same amount of energy and go power I do later.  Feels like I am just going thru the moves but not doing it all.
  • exercise later in night - SLEEP - enough said
  • exercise when baby sleeping.  OK when my treadmill was working I would do but now I have to get the cardio in without it and not leave my house.  Plus when crazy boy is sleeping, momma gets to get s**t done around the house, relax, eat, blog, spend time with older kid and otherwise recharge during those few precious moments.
Do I have to change it all?  Will I have to force myself to exercise with the kids are around.  Yes, my big kid will be in school soon for 6 hours.  This may change things drastically although Mr. works Sat - Sun - Mon so weekends will still be an issue.

With the triathlon around the corner all my training needs to be outside of the house (swim-bike-run).  Two of the three I can technically do with the kids, if I get the bike trailer hooked up.  But, the trailer makes me nervous.  I am not sure I can do the additional 60+ pounds (20 pound kid & the trailer).  I don't like jogging with the stroller.

So the solutions haven't come yet.  I know they will.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Goodbye My Love

My trusty semi dusty (garage) treadmill is officially broken.  Murphy's Law again.  I have a hard time getting exercise in.  I have an even harder time getting it in when my savior in the garage decided to go out to pasture.

So it may seem like a load a crap that at stay at home mom has a hard time getting exercise in.  I wish it was but lately it is so hard. 

One, I don't belong to a traditional gym with childcare.  Can't afford it and really don't want to put my baby there if I could.  My opinion is those places are poorly run, germ infested holes.

Two, I have to negotiate around my kids and my hubby's schedules, wants and needs.  Sometimes it is pretty easy, other times nearly impossible.  This is the hardest part and so difficult to explain.  My hubby is awesome and accommodating but he too has projects, things to do, overtime, etc.  This is why the treadmill was my savior.  I could go into the garage when the baby was napping.  We are also working hard to have family dinner every night so a 6 pm group exercise class is out of the question.  My hubby works shift work so for 3-4 days he is pretty much 100% unavailable to watch the kids while I try to exercise.

The things I can change - exercising in the morning and late evening and how I exercise.  So I am not a morning person.  Never have been in my 37 years of life.  Should I change my stripes?  I can do group exercise but self motivated is so hard in am.  Hubby and I have discussed my time issue and his solution is to get up earlier and exercise.  There is some classes in the late evening I could go to or run at night (safety?) but then I have a super hard time going to bed.  I always have a hard time getting sleep.

How I exercise -Change?  I will post later this was already I pretty cathartic post.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Musings

Exercise takes Time
Time is Money
Exercise is Money

Exercise takes Time
Time is Precious
Exercise is Precious

Exercise takes Time
Time is Free
Exercise is Free

Exercise takes Time
Time is Limited
Exercise is Limited

Exercise takes Time
Time is the Coin of Your Life
Exercise is the Coin of Your Life

Exercise takes Time
Time is a Great Teacher
Exercise is a Great Teacher

Exercise takes Time
Time is Killing Me
Exercise is Killing Me (ha ha)

Exercise takes Time
Time is a Dressmaker Specializing in Alterations
Exercise is a dressmaker Specializing in Alterations

Note:  I googled time quotes and modified accordingly.  These are obviously not my own quotes.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Inches Tell the Real Story

I finally found my old measurements.  I lost the ones I did in 2009 just before starting my journey but the ones below represent my highest weight ever.  I was 3 years post baby #1 in 2007.  Between 2007 and now I had 1 miscarriage and 1 full term baby among 5000 other things.  Even with the pregnancy, my weight never went higher than 232.  I had lost about 10 pounds before the pregnancy and about 10 more during the first 3 months.

Upper (u.) chest is around the armpits, not the biggest part of the chest.  Upper waist is about 1 inch above my belly button and lower is 2 inches below my button.  The hip measurement includes my saggy belly. Upper leg is the meaty part of the thigh, the inner thighs (saddlebags included), about 9 inches above my knee.  Lower (l.) is the thigh about 6 inches above my knee.  I have my calf measurements but they were not done in 2007 so I didn't list them.


OK so I lost 33 inches.  Wow really!  Part of me says it can't be true, it's too variable on how you are measured, etc.  On the other hand I should believe it.  I took 35 pounds off my body, I had to shrink somewhere.  As for the where's.  Considering I had another baby between the measurements I am not surprised by the lack of inches lost in my waist.  What I can't believe is the inches lost in my legs, 8 inches from my upper and lower thigh (combined).  Seriously!  I have bird legs, I have always had bird legs, why can't I drop 8 inches in my stomach first.  I know this is a true number purely for the fact that I can wear skirts / dresses now comfortably with almost no rubbing / chafing.

P.S.  It took me for bloody ever to figure out how to get a nice pretty chart on blogger.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 8/17/10

Weight = 197.0
Loss = + 2.6
Emotion = roller coaster of frustration

Weight loss is truly a frustrating process.  Did I do all that I could do to drop weight?  NO.  Am I frustrated?  YES.  Do I know what I need to do?  YES.

I really hate to see a gain after such a great loss.  I need to sit down a re-focus a bit of what I want and how I want to get there.  I have had too many ups and downs with the scale over the past few months.  I want to see only downs.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

I RanYesterday

So this may seem trivial to many of you runners out there but to me this is a big deal.

Yesterday a friend and I (my UPT) went for a walk/run.  First we briskly walked on the street about a mile.  Then we entered a wilderness park called Whiting Ranch.  On the dirt trail we ran about 0.5 miles then I went back to walking.  It was uphill (slight incline) so I did wuss out on this part.  We walked / ran about 1.7 miles in then turned around.  From here I ran about 1.25 miles back to the entrance.  Non-stop thru multiple terrains.  Rocks, soft dirt, and sand, oh and more sand.  From there we walked back, uphill on the street.
Last night my legs were burning.  Today they are just plain sore.  My right foot on the other hand is super painful.  I walk with a limp and can't put full pressure on it.  I went to the Dr. on Friday and it wasn't much help (yet). 

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Goodbye Lane Bryant - Hello Scary

Yesterday I did some shopping at Lane Bryant.  I have been shopping there for 10-15 years.  The sizes start at 14 so it is a big girl store.  The clothes are well made and well cut.  Price is high but they always have deals.  I wanted to pick up some pant with elastic waists so they will last longer with all the dropping weight (hopefully absolutely).  I got some great pieces that are trendy ( I guess).  I went with the Jeggings and Leggings with some long tunics.  I hope this will help me get thru the winter (in SoCal) without having to buy more clothes.

So almost everything I bought was a 14 with the exception of a pair of capris with buttons (16).  Since my tummy is still big, and will be for some time, I have to go bigger with waistbands that are buttoned / zippered.  In fact some of the items were actually slightly loose on me.  One foot out the door on Lane Bryant forever.  I'd say when I hit the 180's I won't be able to shop there anymore.  I might need to get bras there since I am am still big there (42 DD) and Victoria's highest is 38 DD.

Why Scary? - First of all a 14 at Lane Bryant is no way the same 14 at the Gap, etc.  A Lane Bryant 14 is like a Gap 18.  Second - It is basically all I have known for about 15 years.  Yes, I do buy some stuff at Old Navy and Wal-mart.  But it is rare and really has to fit correctly.  I am excited too - a whole new frontier in clothes.  Downside is I have to try stuff on, takes more time and I also need to re-learn how to fit my newer figure.  I used to know if it fit just by the size and shape.  Not anymore.

Friday, August 13, 2010

1 Step Forward and 4 Back

I swear my life is a series of a few steps forward and then a ton backward.  Lately the back steps are far out weighing the forward ones.  Murphy's law here.

I need to increase my run training and boom - the treadmill is acting up. Kitchen sink flooded and warped my new (March) wood floors that I waited 3 years to get. Someone bumped my car in a parking lot (no note) and the driver door creaks (we were about to trade it in, not anymore). A 5 day beach vacay with absolutely no sun. The in laws having to cut their visit short by 2 weeks = disappointment for all.  Both bathtubs leaking, need full demo and redo but no money to do so. Best babysitter moved away. Renters bouncing rent checks and late every month. What is next? BRING IT!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

What a Difference 2 Days Makes

My body has clearly changed in the past 6 months and even over the past 2 years.  In 6 months I dropped over 20 pounds (slow).  Over 2 years, nearly 40 pounds.  It makes a huge difference on how I look.  Sometimes, I have to be reminded about how much a difference the weight loss has made.  Yes, sometimes I still feel like the much fatter version of my fat self.  I had a weird experience this past weekend.

Day one - Saturday night - An anniversary party with many people I haven't seen in sometime, 6 months to a year or more.  Dressed in the LBD (from Wedding), hair styled (semi rare), eye makeup (rare), jewelry (rare) and heels (rare).  I may have even looked better then I did at the wedding.  The praise and compliments were abundant.  Sometimes many times from the same people.  "you look hot", "just wanted to tell you, your are a really pretty girl", etc.  I took all the compliments graciously with a "thank you" and no negative back talk but I did feel uncomfortable, awkward, etc.

2 days later - Monday - A mini vacation - kids & moms - with friends I haven't seen in 4-8 months.  Dressed in mom wardrobe.  A sundress or shorts & top or bathing suit, hair semi styled, almost no makeup.  Ok, so here is the weird thing.  Not a single one of the ladies mentioned my weight loss.  It's not like I was trolling for the compliments but I really thought it was strange that absolutely nothing was mentioned.

I am a 2 headed monster when it comes to compliments.  I love the affirmation that I have being doing a good job and I do look good.  On the other hand it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable.  Is it my shyness coming to the forefront?  Am I uncomfortable with the attention from the opposite sex?

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

August Goal - part 2

So I pondered.  Took in some advice (thank you) and decided on a goal.

I will run 3.1 miles straight by September 15th.

Yikes, so far I have managed 1.5 miles straight.  I know I can do it but I have to push myself well beyond my comfort level to get there.  I wanted to give myself a few extra days considering it is August 11 already. 

P.S.  I was MIA in no computer/ Internet land for a few days.  It was weird to be unplugged.

Friday, August 6, 2010

August Goal

Do I want to commit to a goal for August?  I haven't made a single one of my goals in the timeline I set.  Is goal setting good?  Does it work for me?

I could easily throw out a reasonable number.  I even have the number in my head right now.  I actually have an Excel sheet that has the columns of date, -3 pound, -2 pound and -1 pound a week to project where my weight "can" be.  I update it with my current weekly weight.  I even have highlighted rows for future goal area, like end of July, day of my triathlon and my 10 year wedding anniversary.

My triathlon is quickly approaching.  I need to be able to run 3.1 miles straight.  Yesterday, I managed to run 1.5 miles non-stop as part of my 45 min treadmill exercise.  Should that be my August goal, not a weight one?

I don't know.  Does setting a goal just lead me directly to disappointment?

Thursday, August 5, 2010

July 2010 in Review

Start Weight (6/30) = 197.6
End Weight (8/3) = 194.4
Loss = -3.2

Considering I was away for my home for 13 days on 2 different trips, I did pretty good.  As always there is room for improvement.  I have learned that I thrive on routine despite how much I resist routine.  My goal was to be 190.  I missed it, but I am close and to me I get the cigar.

Exercise:
Exercised 15 of 31 days (51%).  My intentions with my vacation exercise faltered.  I found here that I thrive with group exercise classes as opposed to being self motivated.  Even my UPT (trainer friend) admits as much for her very fit self.  My free pass to boot camp expired and I really think I should continue it, just not sure where the dinero will come from.  Our house has so many big "To Do's" that we are pinching everything right now.

Food:
Vast improvement in the area.  Very little junk food the last half.  Almost no eating out.  Oh course, I did indulge on vacation #1 and a small amount on #2.  I have been a bit heavy on the sugar (tea and oatmeal) so I need to work on getting the levels back down.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 8/03/2010

Weight  = 194.4
Loss = -4.6

I lost all the vacation weight and then some.  This is the lowest I have been and I am only going lower.  I can't wait to finally hit the 180's.

I am 4.4 pounds away from being the same weight as my husband.  Never ever have I weighed less than him.  What will that be like?  I am excited?  Nervous?

I need to get serious about my Triathlon training.  I am signed up,  $90 out the door and on the list.  It sold out the day after I signed up.  I have 8 weeks.  The running is really the only part I am worried about.  My foot is doing better, mainly because I haven't been doing boot camp or any running.  I will work on getting to the Dr. this week but part of me is scared that they will tell me to do nothing on my foot which won't work out very good with training.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

I Survived my Vacation - This Time!

I survived my last vacation.  I worked on eating better.  I had a few slips here and there but overall I did great.  I also exercised more this time too.  Luckily my in-laws eat very healthy, i.e. no starchy carbs with dinner, no desert, etc.  So it made it super easy to stay on top of my eating while still thoroughly enjoying the vacation and the process of feeding myself.

Our vacation ended yesterday and the scale monster today read about 197 - 2 pounds down from the previous vacation gain but about 1.5 pounds up from my lowest.  I know there is no way I will reach my July goal of 190 but I am still on the right track.

We were lucky to be able to bring our bikes on this trip (thanks again neighbor for the bike rack).  Right in front of the house was a great bike trail on the beach.  The amazing part was that my 6yo finally decided to take the training wheels off even though he could have done it 2 years ago (cautious kid).  He took off and we did a few family rides (~3 miles).  Two crappy things happen on this trip.  One, the bike seat I bought for the toddler wouldn't go on either bike so we couldn't do a full family ride.  Two, every time I tried to go off on a longer ride by myself my tires will be completely flat.  So flat that I had to walk home one night.  Even after changing both tire tubes (myself).  Someone was trying to tell me not to go off on my own.  That was frustrating.

I also managed to get in a Core Power Hot yoga class.  It was awesome.  I haven't done a yoga class in a few weeks but I slipped right back in and I felt my stamina and strength are up (thanks Boot Camp).  I sweated my butt off.   I do think it's a bit weird to see a bunch of people dripping sweat.  Gross.

Overall I feel blessed to be able to take back to back vacations, spend time with family, see some old friends, explore outside, lots of pleasure reading, exploring inside myself, and stay in enough control to still be on track with my weight loss journey.