Saturday, June 12, 2010

"Emancipate Yourself From Mental Slavery"

Awhile ago I mentioned here that I dislike attention / comments from men.  I said would elaborate later but I have a hard time putting my feeling about it into words.  Well just the other day I read a section of a book that really put it in perspective for me.  I am reading this book.
I will paraphrase some of the things she wrote.  But while I was reading it more than once I put the book down with an ah ha moment.  This is on page 117 and the title is "Attention is Scary" in the chapter "Reclaiming Your Life".
Many overweight people tell me they use their excess fat to insulate themselves from others...  There are many reasons for protecting oneself this way.  For some the fatty layer is a form of protection against abuse, shyness and unhappiness.  For other's, its more of an awareness of the affliction they suffer with, being overweight ... If you have demons that make you want to hide from the world under a layer of fat .. then you have to learn to deal with those issues in a different way.  Bob Marley once said "emancipate yourself from mental slavery".... If you are uncomfortable with sexual attention, do not fear.  Although your new, leaner self will ... make you feel more attractive, you don't have to attract sexual attention unless you want it.  The way people perceive you depends on the way you present yourself.
Let's just say in my very very long ago past I didn't deal well with sexual attention, too involved, too young.  Then I started gaining weight and I spent a good part of 5 years single with out any prospects.  My esteem about this was in the crapper for sure.  Then I met the wrong guy and spent the better part of 3 years sort of being with that wrong guy.  Luckily, I broke away from the wrong guy, sought therapy and worked on some issues and gave my heart and soul to the right guy (11 years ago and still going).  The point of this is that it has been 15 years or more where I had attention from the opposite sex.  It makes me uncomfortable (former shy girl) and I don't know how to deal with it.  I am still shy with Mr.  and I sometimes get silly and giggle.  I think it's the thought of "really someone is attracted to me."  I have very cute friends who to this day get attention all the time (despite the ring) but they have been dealing with it for so long they have the armor to do so.  To sum it up, other than Mr. I seriously haven't been hit on in like 15 years or more.  It's totally foreign to me.  Hell, I might not even recognise it.  So I partially agree with what Tosca is saying about how you present yourself but I think you also need some tools in your belt on how to deal with the attention regardless if you want it or not.

1 comment:

  1. It's probably due to my love of a few feminist blogs (not that I identify myself as one but I respect a lot of the sentiments behind the movement) that the statement which immediately jumped out at me is when you say "... but they have been dealing with it for so long they have the armor to do so". Oh, that makes me sad! Because from where I'm standing, women shouldn't have to have any armor when dealing with the opposite sex other than knowing they are empowered to assert themselves whenever in a situation that they are not comfortable with.

    I personally feel that, so many times, women are wrongly put in a position where we have to tiptoe around men when it comes to unwanted attention. Like it's somehow our fault that we're in that situation. That should NOT be the case. Women should never be put in that situation in the first place ... and an empowered "no" should be more than enough to dissipate it.

    But in reality? You definitely need some tools in your belt when it comes to this sort of thing. Sad, sad.

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