Sunday, May 30, 2010

My W.I.D.T.H

Jack Sh*T at asked readers to write on a note card their "Why I Do This Here".  Here is mine.
In case you can't read it, it says "So that my mind, body, heart, hopes and dreams are all in sync ... P.S.  No more man belly".

It's hard to describe what I mean, but I'll try with an examples.  When I drive around town and see someone running I think "great job, should be me".  Well if everything was in sync I would be running.  When I hear about a family going hiking and camping I get green with envy.  If I was in sync I would be doing that myself.  Although that would take a bit more effort since I will have to get the Mr. on board there.  I want to be going and doing, be the person I want to be.  Find the "fit girl" inside my mind and have her out in the world.

Saturday, May 29, 2010


A quick post and and a confession.  I will not make my May goal weight next week.  Why you ask?  Because I screwed up big time.  I have been free wheeling and not exercising.  Last Saturday I was about 196, today I was 200.  Four fricking pound in a week.  There is no possible way I will hit 194 in 4 days, that is 6 pounds I would have to drop.  I am going back on the horse and heading for the treadmill right now (short post).  I am upset with myself.  I feel like I lost my "it" and I need to find it.  I am thinking about joining an outside exercise class 2 days a week to add some consistency.  More later.  This wouldn't be a journey if there wasn't some stumbling blocks along the way.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Wii Fit Can Suck It

Maybe that's a bit harsh.  For my birthday I used some money from my parents to by the Wii fit plus board and game.  I just did the initial tests today.  In case you don't have one, it does a balance test, then takes your height (5'4"), age, weigh and calculates your BMI.  Then it gives you a Wii fit age.  My Wii fit age was ...
I am 37 as of last week so that's 17 years added to my life because of my weight.  Seriously.  I know I am fat, I know I have to lose weight but really, 17 additional years.  Grrr....

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I changed my goal weight

I did some research about what is a healthy weight range for my height of 5'4". 
  • Weight Watchers 117-146 pounds, BMI 20 to 25
  • CDC BMI 18.5 to 24.5 is normal
  • A non-pregnant woman whose waist circumference is less than 35 inches
  • - range for medium build is 130-143.  Medium build is where your fingers barely touch around your wrist.
  • - 108 to 145 pounds
Considering all of this I want to put my goal in the "Normal" range.  My goal is now 140.  As I said before I have absolutely no clue how 140 will feel / look. So I may lower my goal later but at least right now the goal is in what is considered a "healthy" range.

That being said I still have almost 60 pounds to go.  Yikes, that is fricking scary.  That is 15 pounds more than my 6 year old weighs.  Hell that's about the total weight of my 6 year old and my baby.  I have slim kiddo's.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 5/25/10

Weight = 198.4
Loss = nada

Dam this blog keeps me accountable.  I don't want to admit what my weight is.  I am happy it's not higher, like I was expecting.  I will tell you now, on Saturday I was 196.  So that means in 3 days I gained over 2 pounds.  Water weight pooey, I ate. 

To be honest, I feel like crap with the food I have been eating.  I am not in failure mode, I know my journey is a slow one.  Sometimes I smoke it other times I as slow as a slug.

Goal #1 - Exercise 5 days a week
I did get in 3 days this week.  That is a big improvement over the week before.  Next week will be even better.  Yoga class last Tue was awesome but made me super tired the next 2 days.  I am going again tonight.  I made a deal with the yoga classes and the Mr.

Goal # 2 - Drink 72 oz water
Water is still great.  I crave water.  It makes me feel good when I drink it.  I need it.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Weight Competition Results

Sorry this took so long to post.  It was a busy weekend, being my birthday weekend and all.  I wish I could put a table in the blog.  It makes things nice and neat.  The results are initial weight on 12/19/09 to last weigh on 5/22/10, total loss, total % lost.
Me - 219.4 to 196.6, 22.8 pounds, 10.49%
#2 - 180.4 to 158.8, 21.6 pounds, 11.97%
#3 - 176.6 to 163.8, 12.8 pounds, 7.25%
#4 - 208.8 to 191.8, 17.0 pounds, 8.14%
#5 - 189.2 to 166.8, 22.4 pounds, 11.84%
As you can see I didn't win the $400 but I did drop over 20 pounds.  That equals winner to me.  Honestly I was a bit disappointed because I know I could have done so much more.  The numbers for everyone were amazing.  As of now I am no longer in competition with anyone.  How will that affect me.  We will see, I think it will be better.  Competition is not good for my noggin.

Friday, May 21, 2010


Stupid, stupid Stupid me. Why do I do things like this to myself? I need to find a support group for self sabotagers.

What did I do? Background. Tomorrow 5/22 is the last weigh in for a weight loss competition among friends (dec-may). There is $400 on the line. The top 3 people are so so close in total %. On the April weight in I was at 8.84%, no #2 is at 8.87% and the leader is at 8.99%. The numbers are so close that the final percentages could come down to the hundredths place.

I have been doing really well the last few days. Low carbs, no cheating, etc. I tried to exercise today but the baby woke up. I was going to try after the baby went down but # 1 son is worried about something, so I stayed with him. Up until 7 pm I was golden. Then I decided to have a few small bites of my son’s ice cream. Ok – still good. Then, I get the brilliant idea to eat a huge bowlful of Frosted Flakes. Now I feel bloated and yucky.

Tomorrow is a NEW DAY!

Belly Issue

Does your belly hang low, does it wobble too and fro....

I really thinking this is an issue for people with or formally with obesity issues or maybe women who have had a lot of babies.  I carry most of my weigh in my belly.  I have had 4 pregnancies, 2 full term with 2 c-sections.  My normal position for my stomach is relaxed, puffed out, backed swayed.  I have to consciously do the tummy in and up.  I am not talking about a suck it in for pictures, just in so I don't walk around looking like a full term pregnant women.  It's not a natural position for me to have it in.  I have to think and remind myself to get it in.  My muscles in my stomach have gone to crap, they don't exist.  I really wonder what someone with no obesity issues does with their stomach?  Is a natural position for them to have it in?  Do they have to remember to pull it all in?
P.S.  Picture above is at my beginning, 215 pounds.  I have been waiting to hit the 20 pound mark to take new ones.  Soon!

I wanted to add another comment that might explain what I am trying to get across.  It's not about the flabby skin (I know that is and definitely will be a problem) It's more about the muscle use / positioning. That pelvic tilt feeling. Hard to really put in words. I guess it more about posture and do thinner people who never had an obesity issue have this problem.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

"I touch myself ....."

Got your attention!

No this is not a TMI post.  I have been getting into this weird habit lately.  I touch my giggly wiggly parts and these thoughts go in my head.  They are mostly happy thoughts.  I am not a modest person and I have no problem looking at myself in the mirror.  Yes, sometimes (rarely) the head talk is negative but I guess that's part of what makes me human.
  • Sitting at the computer and touching my neck ..... Wow i feel mostly neck, not rolls. 
  • Touching the collarbone .....   Collarbone - are you coming out?  I don't really know the last time I actually saw you. 
  • Sitting on couch touching upper thigh - chicken legs are feeling more chickenier.  OK - well that sounds bad, thighs are getting thinner.  I actually don't have to wear slip short under dresses or skirts (not that I have many), no more chafing cream.  Well, I do still use it just in case.  Wonderful stuff.
  • oh you man belly ......  no matter how you look at it I will need surgery sometime down the road.  There is really no way around it.  My sides are going in.  There is actually definition on top of all the fat.
  • South facing Cantaloupes .... actually more like mangoes now and getting closer to large apples.  Another place for future knife work (in my dreams).  My underclothes do not fit but I really really don't want to buy now.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 5/18/10

Weight = 198.4
Loss = +0.8

I am not suprised about the weight.  My weekend was filled with indulgences, mother nature visited and I haven't exercised in a week (foot).  Today I had a wonderul "me" day.  I can't tell you how much I needed it.  As a low budget stay at home mom of 2 young boys I don't get much "me" time.  It started out with a haircut, then lunch with my unofficial trainer (sister, bff, etc), some retail thearpy where I bought some more yummy tea, and then a awesome yoga class.  My foot did great in the class, no pain even with balance exercises.  Lunch was at a yummy Cuban place.  I enjoyed a mango bbq pork sandwitch (only 1/2 the bun), a citrus salad, fried plantians, white sangria and we shared some flan.

Goal #1 - Exercise 5 days a week
Ok so I didn't exercise at all.  Today I will be going to my first yoga class in 2 weeks.  If all goes well I will be back on the exercise wagon again.

Goal # 2 - Drink 72 oz water
I carry my water bottle everywhere.  I should maybe drink more than 72oz but I figured it's a good number to hit consistently.  I guess I am also being "green" using no plastic water bottles.

Monday, May 17, 2010

What a weekend

I took an unintentional hiatus from blogging.  It has been a crazy few days and I really couldn't find the time to sit and blog.

My foot is finally getting better.  I actually went to the Dr. but that was no help, he said do ankle strengthening exercises for my weak ankles.  My ankles have been weak forever.  Yes it doesn't help I am putting over 200 pounds of pressure on them everyday but that's no the No 1 reason for the weakness.  I played soccer for years and more times then I can count I have twisted my ankles.

My weekend seemed like one long party.  Friday was draining with some emotional testimony at my MOPS group, then an unscheduled playdate, swim lessons (baby) and a neighbor's birthday party.  That night I seriously overate and felt like crapola.  Sat, we had a casino date night after I cleaned house all day for the sitter.  I did very good with the food, I did have a small slice of cheesecake and a pita but otherwise the whole day was great.  Sun was awesome, tired from being up until 2am on sat but had a wonderful time with some gal pals.  We went to Laguna Beach.  Early Mexican dinner (heavy), lots of wine at the rooftop lounge then dancing at a dive bar.  The only bummer was the weather was crappy.  Every night included some wine.  I know its empty cals and probably making me retain some water, we will see.

Related to my journey -  the thing is every night I went out, I dressed up, did my hair (semi rare) and put on makeup (very rare).  I got lots of compliments which was awesome but the odd thing is I feel awkward when the compliments come from men.  I will have to elaborate on this more later it is a very long involved story.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Another Fine Line - Teaching Kids

I have been thinking about how to teach my 2 kids about proper nutrition, being overweight and exercise.  My problem is how do you teach this properly and not end up giving them some kind of complex later on in life.  How do you make then sensitive to overweight people (* see below) and at the same time give them desire never to get that way.

Where I am coming from - I grew up in a "clean your plate" family.  I was also served more portions so that no food goes to waste or too small for leftovers.  I don't want or mean to offend my parents with this, it was what their generation did.  However later in life this "clean the plate" theory translated to me feelings like I always need to clean my plate.  As you can imagine with today's restaurant portions, I overstuffed myself.  It has taken many many years to break this habit.  I now leave food on my plate constantly much to my Mr's chagrin.  He comes from a "clean you plate" family too but he doesn't have an obesity problem like I do (just some chub).

Before kids we decided we will NOT institute the "clean your plate" method.  Honestly, I feel my 6yo eats when he is hungry and stops when he feels right, even with sweets.  If he doesn't eat enough, then no desert.  My secondary problem is he is super picky which may be a result of multiple food allergies (wheat, soy, beans, corn, etc).  We are struggling with his pickyness and finding food he likes and can eat.  I don't restrict the bad stuff, just limit it and explain why (too much sugar, etc).

* I personally think overweight people are severely discriminated against and it is accepted.  I think it is wrong.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Weekly Weigh in 5/11/10

Weigh = 197.6
Loss = -0.8

I am happy my weight loss is always on the downward slope.  I know the loss could be so much higher but slow and steady wins the race all the same.  I am also fully aware that a slow loss like this will most likely make me lose the $400 on 5/22 for the weigh competetion.  I am not counting myself out yet but I am realistic.

Goal #1 - Exercise 5 days a week
Something is wrong with my foot.  The top of it is super tender to touch and aches.  I rolled it a month ago and I must have aggrivated it somehow recently.  I did 3 days this week but no Yoga (boo hoo).  I am hoping for a class this Sunday or maybe I can get a sitter on Thursday.  I am not stopping on the exercise, just giving my foot a rest.  I might do a bike ride or a swim today.

Goal # 2 - Drink 72 oz water
3 refills per day is really working for me.  I think it is helping keep my weight down and really helps me feel better.  I really don't drink anything else other than tea.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Under Construction

Please pardon the mess. I am working on my blog template so I can get it just right. I have been wanting to do this for some time. Please bear with me. I promise when I finish I won't change it again.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Out of the Mouth of Babes

I was having a car conversation with my old man in a little body (my 6yo). He was talking about how cool it would be to have 99 million dollars. He then went on to say I could save the money and give it to him. I explained that I wouldn’t be able to save up that much money because things cost money, like the house, electricity, gas, food, cable, etc. Next he said the it would be nice if I win the $400 from the weigh competition on 5/22 because I will be more fun. I asked him why and he said I won’t be so lazy and I will be more active. This coming from the kid I played soccer with the day before. I will take this to heart and work on being more active with him. I did mention that sometime I am tired because his brother was tough the night before.

Now mind you when I asked him again later he said it would be cool if I win so I could share the money with him.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Back on the Horse

Yesterday I had an interesting time. I decided I was going to pick up the 6yo and play soccer at the park. I took a few of his Kindergarten buddies with me. I was playing and running right along the crazy kindergarteners. I loved it. Problem was that my shorts kept falling down. It’s the second pair this week that I have to get rid of because they are just too big. They do absolutely nothing for my “new” figure. Even my husband agreed when I asked. That means a lot because he is a really low key no nonsense person who doesn’t get involved much in looks.

The past week my exercise motivation / high has been in the toilet. I skipped Fri and Sat and then had a super crappy yoga class on Sun. I was going on the wrong side, super wobbly, not able to make moves I usually can do much better. I skipped Mon and Tue and Wed doesn’t really count (soccer in park).

Today I did 30 min on the treadmill with a big incline program. I had to make one potty break but otherwise I was sweaty and I feel like my “high” is coming back. I feel good and supper glad I did it.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

My Tuesday

I had a day yesterday. A day of eating things in too large a quantity. Why, I am not sure. We had a rough night with the 6yo sleeping or maybe because I was finally successful at being below 200 and I wanted to ruin it. I am going to admit to what I ate even though I know I will get a ration of sh*t from my unofficial trainer and hubby if either of them read this.

I ate
  • bagel w/ cream cheese, 2 donuts, Jersey Mikes Club sub with all the fixins, chips, 2 clementines, tortilla chips with beans and cheese, fruit gummies, 6 cookies

I felt like crap, couldn't breathe, 0 energy, no drive, and somewhat in a bad mood. This is huge part of the total package I have to work on.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 5/04/10

Weight = 198.4
Loss = -1.0

Like the number. We had a heavy dinner last night so I know it's bit elevated. I feel I am finaly out of the cycle of going over 200. I would like to be lower to feel more secure, I will get there.

Goal #2:
Workout 5 Days A Week

I can't take 2 days off, I won't make my goal. I was eating low carbs this week which = low energy. I couldn't muster up the energy to do it. Bad excuse. I hit 3 days this past week.

Goal #3:
Drink 72 oz of Water
3 fills on my bottle is working. I really only drink water and tea so this isn't too hard to met. I just have to remember to do it.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

May 2010 Goals

This month I have 4 things in mind for my May goals.

  • One is that the weight competition ends on my 37th birthday (May 22). There is $400 on the line and 4 of the competitors are super close in %. Don't get me wrong, the competition does help with motivation but it's not my sole reason for doing this journey. I am in this for the long haul but winning $400 would be awesome.

  • Two is I want to break the 5 pound centering around 200 cycles and start really dropping into weight I haven't seen in well over 10 years. I think that 200 pound mark is very mental and in some way a physical block for me.

  • Three is the October triathlon I signed up for. I need to start upping the cardio and work on the biking and swimming.

  • Four is a June wedding and bathing suit season. I want to rock my black dress in June and I wouldn't mind looking better in a suit this summer. As an obese person I have never really been worried about wearing a bathing suit and I am really not self conscious about it but it would be nice to feel better this summer. Being a stay at some mom in Southern Cali I spend a lot of my summer in a bathing suit.
Goal #1
Weight at 194
I want it lower but I think this is a realistic number to reach and I really really want to make my weight goal this month. The last 2 months have been sh*ty for reaching my goals. I want to be the person who makes and reaches her goals no matter what gets in the way.

Goal #2
Drink a min of 72 oz of water a day
I bought these really nice BPA free Contigo bottles at Costco. Each family member gets one (minus little squirt). They hold 24 oz, so I figure 3 fills a day min. I will probably drink more but on the days I forget, 72 oz is reachable.

Goal #3
Exercise 5 days a week min.
Somehow I will try to add a swim and a bike ride in here somewhere. With a crazy 14 month old, a 6 year old and a shift working husband it is difficult but I will do it.

I have a few party situations coming up that I will continue to work on the eating compulsion. I need to also work on the food is fuel not my pleasure principle.

My Reward
I am a tea lover. I really want this tea brewer. It is pricey so I really should only get it if I win the competition but I will have to think about it. I have wanted this for well over a year. My heaven is my local Teavana store, www. I would drink even more tea but sometime I boil the water, turn off the stove and forget I wanted to make the tea or just can't even get to making it.

Sorry so long. Please comment, it helps me keep motivated.

Saturday, May 1, 2010

April 2010 in Review

Start Weight = 202.6
End weight = 199.4
Loss = -3.2

Weight Goal = 195
I am finally solidly below 200 but I did not hit my goal of 195. Below you can see the many reasons for not hitting this goal. I have been toying around with the same 5 pounds for a few months. Time to be done with that.

Food Goal = Water, more veggies
I will be specific here for May. April was more of a "free" eating month. Too much eating. I need more veggies, not a huge fan.

Exercise Goal = 5 days a week min
I hit this 2 of the 4 weeks. I exercised 17 of 30 days (57%). Considering in Jan I did almost 70% I can improve here. I did start adding running. This week over a 45 min treadmill workout I ran 4 -3 min runs at 5.0. Total of 1.2 miles. I am going to continue with this and start increasing. I want to do the Couch to 5K but my iPod is broken.

Mental - work on party eating
Easter was great. The other 2 eating events I went to, not so good. I planned Easter, I didn't think ahead for the other times. I also allowed myself to eat the sugary stuff at my parents.