Wednesday, March 31, 2010

March in Review

Start Weight 206.4 (on 3/2) - high from overeating before
End Weight 202.6 (on 3/30)
Loss 3.8 *
* not really a true loss since I was lower at the end of Feb.

This was a very hard month for me. My head was not in the right place to start out. If I were to label it, I was depressed and pissed. My eating was out of control. I have actually been considering looking into Overeater Anonymous. There are situations were I eat out of control. Blazing red light situations for me is where food is laid out for free munching, like at a party, etc. I eat and eat even though my head is telling me to stop. I have to try everything, right? It would be rude not too. Phooey to that. Do I eat to avoid socializing? I am a former super shy and awkward teen / young adult. I also had super super low self confidence and esteem. Many friends now would never believe I was super shy (etc) back in the day. It took me many years to come out of my shell and be confident with ME. Well shyness and poor esteem (etc) are still in there. Many times I feel like an awkward social talker. I feel like I am pushy, awkward, imposing and weird. So do I stuff my face to avoid talking to people? Or maybe to avoid being a bit bored too? Oh yeah and I LOVE food so where there is new exciting food, I want it.

My depression and poor attitude is apparent in my exercise. I exercised only 14 of 31 days (45%) and some of those days it was piss poor exercise. I am lucky I didn’t gain 10 pounds with what I did. I basically maintained my loss from February. I know April will be better. I am formulating some goals to help me get back on track and solidly in ONEderland.

2 comments:

  1. You deserve this Amy. You are capable of achieving your goals. Look at how far you have come already? I think it's normal to "test" yourself, just like kids test the limit. It's your inner rebel. But the act of tracking, being honest, and recapping will set you back on track. You CAN and WILL do this!!!!! Alesha

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  2. Hang in there Amy. None of us had a good month...and to be honest, I am not starting this one off right either.....Society places this horrible stigma on us overweight people.....there is something wrong with us. Can't it be that we just like food? I do. I don't have that super fast metabolism that allows me to eat what I want either....so it is just that we are all different. I am seriously questioning whether or not I was a happier person weighing over 200 lbs and living my life and eating what I want or the weight I am at now and stressing over every single thing I put in my mouth, the guilt when I blow it and the fact that I do not enjoy eating diet food. The answer seems pretty obvious to me. My husband loves me at whatever weight I was at and aside from the health factors associated with being over weight...there must be health factors with constant dieting and the stress that I feel.....You can do whatever you put your mind to....and if change is what you desire, it will happen. This is a slow process. Remember it took you how many years to put the weight on....its not going to come off in a matter of months. Terri

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