Wednesday, March 31, 2010

March in Review

Start Weight 206.4 (on 3/2) - high from overeating before
End Weight 202.6 (on 3/30)
Loss 3.8 *
* not really a true loss since I was lower at the end of Feb.

This was a very hard month for me. My head was not in the right place to start out. If I were to label it, I was depressed and pissed. My eating was out of control. I have actually been considering looking into Overeater Anonymous. There are situations were I eat out of control. Blazing red light situations for me is where food is laid out for free munching, like at a party, etc. I eat and eat even though my head is telling me to stop. I have to try everything, right? It would be rude not too. Phooey to that. Do I eat to avoid socializing? I am a former super shy and awkward teen / young adult. I also had super super low self confidence and esteem. Many friends now would never believe I was super shy (etc) back in the day. It took me many years to come out of my shell and be confident with ME. Well shyness and poor esteem (etc) are still in there. Many times I feel like an awkward social talker. I feel like I am pushy, awkward, imposing and weird. So do I stuff my face to avoid talking to people? Or maybe to avoid being a bit bored too? Oh yeah and I LOVE food so where there is new exciting food, I want it.

My depression and poor attitude is apparent in my exercise. I exercised only 14 of 31 days (45%) and some of those days it was piss poor exercise. I am lucky I didn’t gain 10 pounds with what I did. I basically maintained my loss from February. I know April will be better. I am formulating some goals to help me get back on track and solidly in ONEderland.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 3/30

Weight = 202.6
Loss = 0.0

So 3 days ago I posted that I was 199.6. Since that day I have had many indulgences and I am sad but not surprised to see I am back in the 200's. Amazing what our bodies can do. I know the weight will go away quick and technically I missed my goal. It's like I made it then promptly blew it. This is the third weigh in day with 202.6. 3 weeks of the same weight. Tells you how March has been for me. In between the 3 weeks my weight was up and down between 202 but some reason my Tuesdays want to be 202.6. I am going to ponder my April goals and will post them on the first. Seriously this thing is 90% mental.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Over 4 pounds

Can I really gain 4 pounds in less than 48 hours? Can you really retain that much water, etc? Today I stepped on the scale just to check and it was over 204. Seriously. I know I put my party on this weekend. Some vodka, coke and wine oh and them some more, and maybe a bit more on top of that. Could it really be 4 pound of alcohol induced water retention? Now I did eat sat and sun but back on "track" today. I didn't binge but I did enjoy some food.

P.S. 2 hour after this post. A bit TMI but I was on the treadmill and I had to use the ladies room every 5 min during my 40 workout. hmmm maybe I am retaining a bit of water.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Quote day

Today I read so many awesome quotes about this journey that I just have to post them. These quotes just sing to me on how I have been feeling that past month. Helps me work out some head games I have been playing with myself.
  1. "This journey is not about a number. "The real magic is in reclaiming your body and your health." - Jack Sh*t at http://jackfit.blogspot.com/

  2. ""Losing weight” and “getting fit” aren’t necessarily the same thing. Maybe the two are interconnected early in the game, but “losing weight” is a Point A to Point B kind of deal; “getting fit” has no finish line. It’s the pursuit of a lifetime." - Jack Sh*t at http://jackfit.blogspot.com/

  3. "The end is just the beginning", don't go back to the old ways - Jack Sh*t at http://jackfit.blogspot.com/

  4. "The magic IS in reclaiming your body and health - in essence, becoming an active participant in my own life again". - Ex yo-yo dieter Debbie at http://exyoyodieter.blogspot.com/

Saturday, March 27, 2010

ONEderland

I did it! Today the scale read 199.6. Sweet. I took a pic but don't have time to DL and post (lazy and busy). I can't even begin to describe how it feels to be below 200 for the first time in 7 years or so. ONEderland, here I am. It also means that I hit goals I set for myself. It has been a long time where I actually met weight loss goals. It feels wonderful.

On a side note, I had a great breakfast. It was heavier than my usual in the carbs area but I loved and needed it.
  • double fiber English muffin toasted with slight butter
  • 1 egg slightly whisked and micro for 45 s in small Tupperware dish
  • small slices of block Cheddar, place on top of cooked egg
  • 3 slices ham on egg, micro whole thing until ham is warm
  • Place whole thing on English muffin, ENJOY!

Tonight Mr. and I get to go to an awesome party all dressed up. I am actually wearing a 14/16 dress that I wore to my rehearsal dinner 9 years ago. I was surprised it fit. I will be wearing Spanx under it just to make the look smoother. My first time with Spanx so we will see how I like them. I bought a size higher since I am in between sizes but most of my weight is in my tummy.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Easier to be fat?

The other day at friend in the weight competition said its easier to be fat. Ok I will agree there is some easiness to being fat. But is it really easier. Do you feel good, can you do all that you want, or is it really just a really large form of denial. Forgetting the 800 lb gorilla in the room does not make it go away. Fooling yourself when you look in the mirror. “I’m not that fat”. “I am fit.” “I am happy where I am” I think if you take the weight loss thing slow and steady, learn constantly it will become part of your life. You will learn to love new foods that are good for you. You will want to exercise. I love my hippie oatmeal – Coach’s oats, Vanilla J. Robb protein, Flax meal, bee pollen and sometimes blueberries.

I am looking for a happy medium. I want a much lower stable weight, like the 150s or so but I don’t want to be nutty about how I eat. I want exercise to be part of me, a no brainer and I want my weight under control. If I want a piece of cheesecake on a rare occasion it won’t be total deviation to me.

Friday, March 19, 2010

To plan or not to plan ... that is the ?

Planning and preparing is a fine balance for me. On one hand I need to plan out how my week is and how I am going to eat. But on the other if I over plan, and go off plan I feel failure which is not good. Let me explain.

Looking over the past 3 months. I found I was most successful during the times I actually scheduled my workouts for the whole week and thought about my eating plan. I not saying I had every meal for every day planned out. Just a bit more forethought than going by the seat of my pants. For example no milk or bread for the week.

On the other hand I know I can be a bit obsessive. If I calorie count every bite using a great website like www.sparkpeople.com I start getting a bit nutty about it. If I indulge or go over I feel like I failed and get a bit upset. When plans are too specific, like Cooler #1 from Eat Clean, I feel confined, restricted and I REBEL. Yes I said it, I REBEL. I am a 36 year old rebellious kid. If you know my husband and I you won’t believe the next sentence. I am super stubborn, more stubborn than my husband. It’s true people. I am just better at hiding it. If I miss a planned exercise then not so nutty. Food is where I need to stay focused. Exercise is icing on my healthy cake.

So it’s all about balance. Seems to be a running theme in my life.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Is being selfish a bad thing?

Selfish \Self"ish\, 1. Caring supremely or unduly for one's self; regarding one's own comfort, advantage, etc., in disregard, or at the expense, of those of others. [1913 Webster], 2. Believing or teaching that the chief motives of human action are derived from love of self. [1913 Webster].

I am beginning to realize that this weight loss journey takes a bit of selfishness. This epiphany came to me today. Every day I have to love myself enough to choose myself. Every day and moment is a battle to be selfish enough to be successful on this journey versus balancing all the other stuff of life. Sometimes I have to choose the treadmill over playing with my son. The balance of it all is hard. Today I choose to pay a babysitter $20 of my “allowance” so I could go to a yoga class. That’s 20% of my money for 2 weeks. Many days I choose to leave the house a bit dirty so that I get my workout in and proper sleep. But oh do I do that 100% guilt free? Not always. Sometimes there is guilt involved when I choose to be selfish. I think the #2 definition hits the nail on the head of how I am thinking.

In my SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) journey I have met many many moms. Some of these moms seem to be super “with it” and really have the balance, but on the other hand they admit to getting only 4 hours of sleep. Is that really in balance?

Friday, March 12, 2010

Lack of sleep

Lack of sleep just kills me. I need sleep to function like a normal person. My 12 month old is sick and teething. Been a bit hellish here for over a week. Lack of sleep is hard on my weight loss journey. I want to eat and I DON'T want to exercise. And no it's not a nice salad I want to eat, I want the other stuff, the stuff I shouldn't be eating now, the stuff legends are made of. My hubby helps as much as he can be he too doesn't function well without sleep.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

All about numbers

It’s all about the numbers. Here are some blood work results. The first number is from 9/09 and the second is 2/10. I love the changes and so does the Dr. I also showed a weight loss (about 9 pounds) but you all know how the Dr. scales are.

A1c – 5.8 to 5.3, indicator of diabetes risk, less than 6.0 is good
Cholesterol – 242 to 201, see note, less than 200 good
HDL (good one), 65 to 57, excellent, greater than 46 acceptable
LDL (bad), 156 to 123, great decrease, less than 130 acceptable
Triglycerides – 103 to 105, less than 150 acceptable, not much change

Note - In 9/09 I was 6 months post baby and still breastfeeding, which could be why the number was so high. I am a numbers girl. I like seeing tangible results. Weights being the number one tangible but these are great to see too.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Weekly weigh in 3/9 and March Goal

Weight = 203.8
Loss = -2.2

GOAL for March (3/30) = 199

The loss is from my last recorded weight on 2/23. I know I listed a smaller weight on my February goal posting. I have been very OFF for the last week. My motivation, my eating, my everything is all out of whack. I am getting back on the horse. Luckily I didn’t too much damage to my weight, just my tummy and good feelings.

My goal for March on 3/30 is 199. That is 3 weeks exactly and roughly 5 pounds. I think it’s totally possible. I want to be in ONEderland and stay there forever.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

I am SICK

So it finally happened. I am sick, sound like a frog and have chest congestion. I am sitting here wondering what "with it" people do when they are sick. "with it" people are those in the process of losing weight and they really know how to do this, how to stay mostly on track, really have their S**t together. I am not a "with it" person yet. Do you stop exercising? I am thinking yes, at least for a day or two. Do you seek comfort foods? My mind says no but my body says yes. My sick meal is noodle soup, saltines, and grilled cheese. Not sure who I plan on listening to. I would love to talk to someone who knows more than I. This whole week I have really been OFF and I need to find the path again, being sick doesn't help.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Channeling George

I can not tell a lie, at least not anymore. I have lied to myself about my health status. I have fibbed in the past when asked if I worked out. I have sneaked food so my loved ones won’t see me eating it. I lied about what I really ate. I lied to myself when I say it’s ok to eat a whole loaf of French bread (it has happened). That cheeseburger meal won’t hurt your weight loss efforts. It stops now, no more lying to myself, my family or friends. Even small fibs or stretches of the truth are lies, done!!!! I will own this life, this journey and even my mistakes.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Feburary in Review

Overall I started the month super motivated and I really planed out my meals and kept on track. I even planned my deviations from the food plan. At some point in the month it all switched.

Food
I indulged over the last few days and I feel crappy. For the month I counted about 22 "indulgences". Like Cold Stone or a cheeseburger. Bit too many for someone who is serious about their health. My issues with eating the good stuff are improving but still there.

Exercise
18 of 28 days (64%), down from Jan of 70% but intensity and time increased. I really enjoy my exercise except the last few days. I reached the point that I have achieved and higher level of fitness and its time to increase the intensity. I need to push myself more. With the treadmill I either have to make the hills are higher or start jogging. I am looking into C25K program, Couch to 5K. My Yoga practice has improved. My core strength is getting better.

Attitude
One way to sum it up I need to work on why consistency feels like a 4 letter word.

For March I will work on the food issues. I plan to not be so strict on the carbs. Sensible eating. Reduce the number of indulgences and really isolate the feeling I have about food. Intensity will increase on the exercise. I have a goal weight in mind for the end of March but I want to wait until my weigh in on 3/9.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Red Light incident

We all have red light foods. The foods you have a hard time avoiding. The foods that once you start you don’t realize how much you eat. I have a few red light foods in my life. A small list of those is cupcakes, ice cream sandwiches, Girl Scout peanut butter sandwiches, warm buttery bread, garlic bread, and on and on

Last night hubby came home with 2 boxes of mini ice cream sandwiches becasue he had a craving and the kid loves them too. I tried to explain to my husband that those are red-light food for me. I also tired to explain what a red-light food is.

All day Sunday I was what I like to call “off program”, otherwise know as indulging or cheating. I think cheating is too strong and induces too many guilt feelings. Life is to be lived and sometime I choose to live by indulging in food, it is a choice I make fully knowing the consequences of that choice. I had one of the mini sandwiches that hubby gave me while we were watching TV and I wanted another. I sort of snuck another back in the room and he got super super pissed because I just got done explaining it was my red light food. He was upset that I ate another.

So today he told me that he threw away both boxes. He said he didn’t want to tempt me. I thought it was sweet but also upset me a bit. I feel like I could control myself so I was a bit bummed that in some ways he thinks I can’t either. He has been so proud of me and he really wants to see me succeed so I see where he is coming from. He thinks I am making him sound like an ass with the post, but that was not my intention. I don't think he is being one I think he is really helping me out.