Sunday, January 31, 2010

Committing it to the world

So 4 weeks from today is my next weigh in for the competition. I have been thinking about my goal for the past few days. It’s actually scary for me. My weight is at the point where I will be going into unknown territory, a weight I can’t remember being for a long time. What is a realistic goal versus what I really want? Today I am 212.2.

I have decided to make a strong goal. I want to be at 200 at the next weigh in. I am committing it to “paper”. That’s 3 pounds per week. That’s big for me; I am a slow and steady with my weight loss. Can I actually make it? Part of me wants to say yes but the other part is a scared to make the commitment. I am afraid of failure. Today I am meeting with a friend that will help me with a workout plan at home and some food ideas.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A YUCK tale

I thought maybe I shouldn’t blog about this but then I figured this is sort of a journal to me so here it is. I love to bake but I rarely do it because I don’t need the goodies in my house, red light food items. I could eat 4 cupcakes without blinking and they are like 500 cals each. Today boy #1 had a play date so I figured this would be a chance to make some cookies, get rid of the M&M’s in the cabinet and send the cookies off with the play mate.

Another reason I like to bake is I love to munch on cookie dough and batter. I actually like it more then the actual cookies. So I munched on the cookie dough and 2 ½ hot cookies. I say ½ because I spit out the last bite I had and almost threw up. A bit later I really felt like I wanted to throw up again. Have I really cleaned my system out that much? I was surprised.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The scale and patience

So I did good but the scale was nicer yesterday at 211.8. Today it decided to add a pound. Oh well, next time then.

I am not a patient person at all. I want immediate results, instant gratification, don't like waiting, etc, etc. Well none of this mixes well with weight loss. Today I saw 212.8 and immediately I think it's not enough, I want more. Do I deserve MORE, did I do the work required to get MORE.

I would say that 70% of the time I eat great. The other 30% includes outside food and snackies. So to answer the previous question, NO I really didn't do ALL I could to deserve a lower weight. Consistency is a four letter word to me. Every cell in my body rebels against it.

This week I am going to focus on exercising 3 days in a row before a break day and being more consistent with what I eat. I haven't been tracking calories, etc but maybe its time. There is a great website you can do this www.sparkpeople.com and its FREE.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

the road past roadblocks

The following is quoted from another Blog I am following http://jackfit.blogspot.com/
This really fits how I am feeling. Not every day is good around here. In the past I have usually given up after a setback, so I am going to keep this quote in mind.

"I guess the important thing to understand is that on this marathon (weight loss) we’re running, stumbling doesn’t have to lead to stopping, setbacks don’t have to turn into roadblocks. You can pick yourself up and push on, maybe even a little harder, a little more intensely. We may not have an "undo" button, but it's certainly within our power to minimize the damage. It might even be good for you in the long run... and the long run is what this deal is all about, after all."

The scale was good to me the other day but I hope on tuesday it still will be good.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Shhhh ...... I have a secret

I enjoy exercising. For 2010 so far I have exercised 14 of 21 days. I am becoming addicted. I love the increase in energy, the lighter feeling inside and out, love the sense of accomplishment. There has been some days were I actually want to exercise again. I have also been frisker.

I still struggle with getting it started and pushing myself. When hubby works it’s really hard getting it in. I am basically alone with 2 kids for 72 hours or more. We don’t have a gym membership. I do have a treadmill and a DVD player. But if baby doesn’t nap or we have a horrible night I really can’t do either. I do love walking with the kids, no deal with this weather.

I can go thru the motion with exercise but I struggle to really push it. I heard Julian Michaels (Biggest Looser) say that the middle road exercising is a thing of the past. You really have to push your heart rate up and burn. Definitely hard for me!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Weight competition month 1

All 5 girls in the competition did awesome. Over 21 pounds between us. So proud of everyone, congrats ladies. I didn't win for this month but I lost 4.2 pounds at 1.9% since 12/19.

I really need to get more serious about the food. I am always on the fringe and inconsistent. In general if you look at my diet it’s not bad but has moments of trouble. For some reason I equate consistently with boredom, being tied down. I love food, love variety, love changing things up. Wow! Gotta fix that one for sure.

I want to hike today but don’t think it’s a good idea to go by myself. I loved doing the Dove Canyon hike (Bell View Trail).

Friday, January 15, 2010

I WANT .......

I wants. They say your are supposed to turn “should, would, coulds, and wants” into positive statements. So I am going turn my “I wants” into “I wills”.

I will:
Weight less than my hubby
Have more energy
Not feel so old and achy
Stop taking diabetes medicine (I’m not a diabetic)
Not have a man’s beer gut for a belly (probably a surgery here)
Finally be below 200
Be a fit mom
Scuba dive again
No longer have to buy clothes ONLY at Lane Bryant
Not have red blotchy skin on my face
Have boobs that don’t fly south (probably a surgery here too)
Be sexier

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Hello my name is Amy and I am a food addict

I had hard time today but it was a day of discovery. I had very little sleep, the baby was tough, hubby is stressed, 5 year old was cranky, etc etc. Later in the afternoon I was bored, tired, cranky, stressed and boy did I want to munch, munch, munch. All I could think about was food. I wanted to numb myself with the food, comfort myself.

Guess what, I have been doing this for years unconsciously. It's one small piece of this really big puzzle of getting fit. I have a food addiction. I use food for emotional support.

Overall I did ok today, after working thru my cravings to munch. I had a 2 handfuls of plain Cheerios, some tea and for dinner, El Pollo loco – mini salad, 1 breast, 1 tortilla, pinto beans.

I did avoid the munching but I don’t feel like I properly dealt with the issues. I have to find some tools to work these emotions out.

P.S. Didn't make it 100%, after I posted, I got hungry and munched on a few handfuls of Honey Nut Cherrios.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

the ugly truth

So here it is. I am putting it all out there. A bit scary but accountability is good! I am not sucking in or pushing out my tummy, just a neutral position. The water bottle is for perspective. I HATE the side view but it is my reality. I am like humpty dumpty, big egg on top of bird legs.



Today is good. I was hungry in the middle of the night with the 4 am baby wake up. I went for an hour hike with a neighbor. Huffed and puffed up a few hills but kept a good pace. Food is under control. No Yoga, hubby was sick and slept in.

P.S. Pictures were taken 1/12/10 at 214 pounds on my 5'4" frame. Can you imagine an extra 18 on there, that was around May of 2008.

Monday, January 11, 2010

move past it

So tired today! I didn’t sleep much last night. My visitor is coming …… etc etc etc

This is the time where I fall off, I give up, I fail, I seek comfort food. Not gonna happen this time. I decided to rest today. No workout. Today is the 11th and I have worked out 8 days of the New Year. Not bad. My calories are probably in a good range for the day. I plan a double workout on Tuesday – yoga and a hike.

What I had: ½ small bowl coaches oats, kashi bar, tea, apple, string cheese, 2 slices light whole wheat, 3 slices havarti, mashed potatoes, salad, and turkey meatloaf (yummy). I tried a new meatloaf style today thanks to a friend’s suggestion. Ground turkey, sautéed onions, garlic and red pepper, 1 egg, milk, and top with pureed roasted red pepper, eggplant, garlic mix (Trader Joe’s). I am usually not a meatloaf fan but this was great.

Even though I am not a morning person by any means I am finding that I am much more likely to workout if I do it in the morning. Were not talking O dark 100, but sometime before noon. Later in the day I am exhausted and find so many more things / excuses to not workout.

I will post my scary “before” pics on tues, I just have to enlist hubbies help.

a long way to go .....

When i look at the whole picture, it's really a long way to go. I get overwhelmed. Same thing when I have a really dirty house. Usually my MO is overwhelmed = give up. I do have smaller goals, to help.

1. 199 = I want to be under 200 for the first time in > 10 years
2. 180 = I want to be less than hubby, first ever. How fun will that be
3. time to think again

I have a big secondary motivation. I joined a weight loss competition for $$$ with some girlfriends. I am oh course the biggest. Lucky me! Its based on % so it doesn't matter in the long run. We will meet each month until June. Highest % doesn't pay, all others pay $20 and you pay an extra $20 if you gain.

Next post comes with a warning. "The ugly truth". I will be posting my "before" picks.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

My Motivations, my WHY!

Yeah I could mumble off many many motivations for finding the Fit Me. But one hit me like a ton of bricks the other night. I want my mom to see a fitter version of me before her kidney cancer takes her from me. She deserves to finally see me DO IT! I know she is proud of me but I really want her to be super proud.

There is more to that. The cancer may have come from high blood pressure issues my mom has suffered for years. The women on the maternal side of my family all have the apple shape like I do, which we all know is the bad shape to have. My aunt had a bypass in her 50’s, my grandma has already passed but has had her fair share of heart disease issues, a bypass, and possibly diabetes.

I remember vividly being a thin pre teen and visiting my grandma. She was sort of goofing around but she basically said just you wait when you get older you will have the tummy pouch like all the women in the family. I cried later that night to my mom. Fast forward to my 20’s and low an behold, big tummy apple shape here I come. Little did I know there is a very good reason for it all. Fast forward to my infertility issues and words like Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/PCOS)), Insulin Resistance and Thrombophilia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thrombophilia). I bet a million that my family members have this too (hereditary) but if you have kids in your early 20’s you don’t usually suffer from the PCOS related infertility issues so you never discover you have it.

I have been down this road so many times, but I really deep down feel that this is it. I am 36, married with 2 beautiful boys a home. I am happy, satisfied, and content but I have to finish the final piece of the puzzle. Time to finish this journey for good.

One reason why I really think this is my time is pregnancy. For the past 7 years I have been trying to get pregnant or stay pregnant. I had 4 pregnancies with 2 heartaches in-between 2 miracles. Each miracle baby was a high risk pregnancy which add to the stress. It was hard on all aspects of my life but I know I am lucky to have my 2 miracle boys. Now that the baby factory is closed I really feel I can do this. Yes, I have a 10 month old and an almost 6 year old, but I can do anything. Or at least I feel like I can.