Friday, December 31, 2010

Year End & HOT 100 Last Date Update

Weight = 192.6
Loss = –2.8 from 12/14/10

Weight loss trend for the 2010image

A loss is a loss right?

I started the year at 215.6 and ended at 192.6.  That’s 23 pounds for the year.  Better than I have ever done but definitely slow progress.

I feel my body shrinking all over.  Even my Mr. feels it.  Why doesn’t my weight reflect it.  I expected more.  Ok, I know my calories were high for most of the most of the month, so is MORE, realistic? NO!

If there was an award for making the most changes (fitness, mental, inches) without changing at all (weight) then I would be the number one contender.  I have been in the 190 to 195 range since the beginning of August, 5 months.

HOT 100 Last Date Update
I can’t believe 100 days are gone.  My baby is 100 days closer to being 2.  I am 100 days older.  100 days passed and I didn’t do much on the weight loss front.

Hot 100 Goals 9/23 to 12/31/10

  • To reach a BMI of 29.9 - Overweight and no longer OBESE. I have to reach 174 pounds. My current weight is 193 (rounding), So I will drop 19 pounds by 12-31-10. That will be a total of 42 pounds for 2010. Revised on 11/16 to 186.0.  Didn’t make either goal.
  • Take 4 inches of my waist measurements  - Start at 48, end at 45.5, dropped 2.5 inches.  Close but not enough.
  • Drink a minimum of 72oz of water daily. Met this one daily

I want to thank Steve at Log my Loss for the challenge.  What I enjoyed the most was meeting new people.  Everyone has a story.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Dear Amy

Lyn from Escape From Obesity had a great New Years idea I want to do here.  Basically write a letter to yourself.
Where you are now (weight, physical condition, how you feel)
What you want to accomplish in 2011
How will you get there?
What do you hope to see for yourself on December 30, 2011? How are you different? How has your life changed?
A note to your future self.
Dear Amy,
I feel strong.  I guesstimate I am around 190, I will find out on 12-31.  My body is morphing with the consistent K-bell exercise.  My stomach is gaining definition and my arms are shrinking.  My legs are even more chickeny then before.  My tummy sides are shrinking and I have indents on the side of my belly.  The belly is still by far your biggest feature.  The definition in the arms is about to come thru.

In 2011 you will hit your goal weight of 140.  That is about a 50 pound loss.  It will be a hard road but 2010 prepared you for it.  2011 will be the final push.  You will get a handle on binging.  The unconscious eating will be under control.  Or even eating when you know you shouldn’t be. 

On Dec 30, 2011 I see a stronger, leaner me.  I see my collarbone, definition in my arms and a smaller stomach.  I see someone who knows how to eat correctly and does so regularly.  I see someone where exercise is a part of her everyday, just like getting dressed.  I will get here by focusing on my eating.  The calories will go way down from where they have been.  Exercise will stay on the same track it has been on, no long breaks.

I have changed.  I am far more aware of how I treat myself all around.  There is room for improvement but I am far better than I was before.  My shape has changed drastically.  Sure I get exhausted and fatigued from the exercise but I love it.  Sure sometimes I will have food challenges along with emotional challenges.

Future self - You knew you could do it and YOU DID.  Trust yourself everyday.
With love,

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Arms in the Air

My arms are in the air admitting defeat.  No I am not giving up.  I am admitting that I NEED to calorie count right now.  I need to get my eating under control and the number one way to do so is with tracking cals, etc.  I vow I won’t get nutty about it.

I have been tracking my food for nearly the last month.  For the last 7 days I did the calorie counts.  Holy bananas.  I had only 1 day under 2000 calories.  A quick glance at the rest of the month and it is apparent I had only one day under 2000 calories.  Even yesterday I thought it was a good day and I was just shy of 2000.

(12/27) B – Coaches Oats w/ flax, protein pwd & 2 tsp sugar.  L - 1.5 srv tortilla chips, Chick Bean Dip (can chick, beans – refried & black, salsa, cheese).  D - Onion roll, 1 slice Havarti, 1/3 lb beef patty, catsup.  S - Milk w/ jRobb protein powder.  Dr - Black SM x2, oolong US x4, water 60 oz.  Cal 1923, 150 g carb, 77 g fat, 151 g protein.

Tonight I used the calorie counting to decide what to eat for dinner.  I wanted to stay under my suggested range of 1500 to 1700.

I did something tonight I have rarely ever done.  I did a full exercise class (K-bell) on the first day of my …….  Usually I am holed up on the couch with zero energy.  I forced myself to go, nearly walked out for a different reason but stuck it out.  I am glad I did.  Not to say that I am not exhausted, I am beat.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Calorie Counting

Why do I detest calorie counting?  I started tracking my calories a few day ago.  I know perfect time of the year to do so.  I realized a few “why’s” of my distaste for counting calories.

It’s like a cold wet slap in the face.  You are eating far worse that you thought.  Although I do realize this a positive thing when it comes to weight loss but …  Then I start second guessing the calories.  “That wasn’t actually a medium slice of sourdough, more like a SMALL”.  So then I start adjust things.  This is where the nutty comes into play.  “The sausage I ate has 2 less grams of fat” and on and on.  NUTSO.  I don’t need to spend my time and energy getting nutty.

I am using Spark People’s site to look up my calories.  I will track my cals.  I am backtracking a week’s worth of food so I do need to spend some time at the computer.

My cheat free day turned out to be where I estimated it was - 1507 cal, 110 g carb, 66 g fat, 116 g protein.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

A Present of Example

I am fat and my 6 year old knows I am fat.

We have a lot of food issues with him.  So many that I won’t bore you with the details.  On a scale of 1-10, 1 being the worst food to give him, we are around a 6.  We have loads of room for improvement.  He is super skinny, 46 pounds and 46 inches.

But I must be doing something right.  On Christmas Eve little man went to Target with my parents.  He decided I need a new Yoga mat for Christmas.  What a great reflection that I am showing him a healthy lifestyle by example.

The last 2 days I overate.  I feel it all over my body.  I also missed exercise.

(12/25) B – Greek frittata w/ mostly egg whites, eng muffin w/ butter. 1/2 cinn roll.  S – serving of choc bar.  L- 1 slice rye, 1 slice havarti, 2 slices turkey, mayo.  D – 1 slice prime rib, scallop pots, some Brussels sprouts, 1/2 loaf sourdough. Dessert – 1/2 mini lava cake with ice cream and whipped cream,  2 glasses wine, black tea S x 4, water 48 oz.

(12/24) B – 1 egg + 2 whites scrambled, 1 English muffin, butter.  L – Cheese steak, fries w/ cheese.  S – PB pretzels, ice cream, pop chips. D – chicken, mushrooms, arti w/ cream & yogurt, 2.5 slices garlic bread.  S – Cookie dough   Dr – black tea SM x2, oolong US, Water 56 oz.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Finally a Cheat Free Day

Yesterday (12/23) was a pretty good day.  I could have improved on breakfast and lightened up on dinner but otherwise it was mostly on plan with no deviations / indulgences.  Yes, overall I need more fruits and veggies.

Today I am not eating so well.

K-Bell class was great.  Technically I can do A push up just not consecutive push ups.  I will get there.

B – Eggo waffle.  L – 2 slices rye, 2 slices Munster, 3 slices turkey, mayo.  S – string cheese, chocolate protein with 1% milk.  D – Tortilla chips, black beans, chicken, peppers, onions, guac, SC.  Dr – black tea SM x2, oolong US x3, water 48 oz.  Ex – K-bell class.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Show Me Your Muscles

You ever have one of those days where you know you shouldn’t do something but you do it anyway.  Why does a 37 year old women still have to fight a child inside her?  I didn’t need a second tortilla filled with Chicken Fajitas,et al and I didn't need to eat the 4 cookies after dinner.

My parents are coming to town tonight.  We have a ton of work today around the house but I am not going to stress it.  It will get done and if it doesn't oh well.  I have some more menu planning a food shopping to do.  Tonight hubby and I are going to k-bell class to get our butts beat. 

NSV (non Scale victory) – I made a BICEP MUSCLE.  You know the move, where you flex your arm to make a bicep muscle.  In the past I could never feel a significant muscle.  My arms have never really been flabby, but never toned.  Hubby laughed at me, in a cute way.

B – Coach’s Oats w/ protein pwd, flax meal. 2 tsp sugar.  S – Costco samples (cheese, tamale, potatoes, ravioli), only 1 each.  L – 2 slices rye, 2 slices Munster, 4 slices turkey, mayo.  D – 2 tortillas, chicken, peppers, onions, beans (black & refried), sc, 1 tsp guac, cheese and tortilla chips.  S – hot cocoa, apples with PB dip, 4 butter cookies.  Dr – Tea SM, herbal tea SM - 2x Water 48 oz.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Rain, Rain Go Away

I think I may be more affected by the sun than I think.  I live in sunny southern California.  For the last 6 days in has been raining nearly non-stop.  It has been dumping well over an inch a day.  Our soil, if that’s what you want to call it, can’t adsorb all the rain.  Everything is flooded, dry creek beds are now torrential rivers, my backyard is a lake.  Point is I have been having major trouble sleeping.  I can’t figure it out.

Yesterday was a crazy day.  The potluck play date lunch was at 11 am super close to when I had breakfast.  I was stuffed.  Most of the day I felt that way.  The boy scouts made their own pizza today at a local joint.   I decided to buy myself a French bread boat piazza.  I shared with another mom, we at about 3:30 pm.  I felt stuffed again.  K-Bell class is at 6:15m so I wasn’t going to eat anymore before class. 

My body is beat.  K-bell class on Monday was insane and then last night added to the pain.  Even though last night we spend more time on technique, it still made me sweat.  There is few parts on my body that DON’T hurt.

Hubby said my arms are thinner and more toned.  I don’t think my weight is lower.  At this point I will be surprised if I see a loss on 12.31.  I am pretty sure I will be below that insane high of 195 but I don’t think I will break thru the 190 barrier.  My eating habits of late are not indicative of a loss.

B – Kashi Go lean crunch w/ Milk.  L – sm bagel w/ cream cheese & cranberries, banana chip muffin, apples with PB dip (cream cheese, PB, brown sugar).  S/D – French bread Hi style pizza 80% of it.  D – Chicken chili – just beans, chicken, corn and salsa, more apples with peanut butter.   Dr – Tea SM x2, water 65 oz

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Sweaty mess

There was a kid party with pizza on Monday.  I left before the pizza arrived since El Diablo was done (almost 2 hrs past naptime).  Pizza is a super duper red lighter for me.  Today I have a holiday potluck play date for toddler.  I plan bring some tea with me.  I will consciously eat.  I get into trouble when I don’t think about what or how much I eat.

I have to do some menu planning for the parents visit and the holidays.  I plan on taking a stab at Prime rib for Christmas, a new one for me.  Tomorrow I am trying a new crock pot chicken chili. 

Since hubby went out with friends I was only able to attend the kettlebell class, not the kickboxing.  Let’s just say I was a sweaty mess.  Paul (the trainer) kicked out butts.  I almost felt like puking.  It’s the first time in a long time where I feel I am getting the most of a group exercise class.  I did no-knee push ups many times.  I am not at the point where I consider it a full push up.  A full push up to me is where you nearly touch the ground with your chest like below.

pushup B – Bacon, onion, tom quiche, avoided 70% of the crust.  L- ~1C goldfish, mozz cheese, Campbell's Select Harvest Tomato bisque (2 srv).  S – D – smoothie – 1.2 banana, 1 lg scoop natural PB, 1 scoop chocolate protein, 2 scoops Greek yogurt splash of milk, 3 slices of rye with butter.  Dr – black tea SM x2, oolong x3, 72 oz water.  Ex – Kettlebell class

Eval on food – I was a bit too full at lunch not stuffed.  I could have pulled back of the portions and felt better.  I defiantly could have avoided the rye toast with butter.  But honestly it was yummy.  I had both the smoothie and bread after K-bell class late in the pm.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Returning to Normal

Finally starting to feel normal.  Had a great night sleep.  Only one interruption.  I woke up at 4:30 am and had a hard time going back to be.  I think my body was expecting to have to wake up.  I did get up with the baby at 5:30 am but we both went back down.  I have a ton to do in the next few days so I need to be on my A game.

We have a break in the rain.  I had to convince my 6yo we should go out today.  We have been home most of the last 2 days.  The only thing that sold it was that some friends will be at the indoor gym party.

I plan to do double exercise tonight Kettlebell and Cardio kickboxing.  we will see if the universe allows it.  Yesterday I wanted to do a class in the am but both kids had another rough night on Sat.

My girlfriend and I watched the documentary “Dirt” last night.  It was informative and entertaining.  I want to do more formal composting.  We just throw our garbage under some dirt.

B – Lg slice Banana bread.  L – Potato Soup (last night), ~3/4 C cookie dough, 2 spoons full mac & cheese. S – 2 low cal WW, grey poupon, 3 slices havarti  D – smoked turkey sausage w/ zuc, toms & onions   Dr – black tea SM x2, oolong x4, herbal x1, water 24oz. Ex - none

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Food Journal

I tried.  Blogger doesn’t allow individual posts on the extra pages.  At least that’s what I found.  I will be putting my food log on here.  It will be short and sweet so to not to bore anyone.  I will be abbreviating so I will add a sidebar.  I will post the next day.  I mostly work on the computer in the am.  Since I don’t write something everyday, there may be days where all I have is my food list.

1C of tea is about 18oz, I have big mugs
SM – Tea with milk and sugar, ~ 1 tsp sugar per cup
US  - Unsweetened tea
(B) – Binge in my opinion, ate too many, didn’t stop
(S) – Felt stuffed, ate too much
Dr – Drinks
Ex - Exercise
2X – 2 large cups
WW = Whole wheat bread

(12/18) B - Coach's Oats w/ flax & 2 tsp sugar, 4 turkey sausage.  L - 2 slice Low Cal WW, 2 slice havarti, 2 slice turkey, grey poupon.  S - large slice banana bread, 2 srv PopChips.  D - potato soup, add cheese, bacon & asparagus (S).  10 butter cookies (B).  Dr - Black tea SM 2x, oolong 2x US, ~24 oz water. Ex - none

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Food Journal, Saturday Musings, etc

The last 2 weeks I have been working with our Kettlebell trainer.  We have been discussing goals and a “To Do” list to reach our goals.  I say “our” because he is helping hubby and I both.
The first thing he wants us to do is write down everything we eat.  Basically he won’t know what to change until he know what there is TO change.  Now, I know this goes against what I believe in but I am willing to do this so I can break thru my 190 roadblock and get my weight loss moving in the right direction in 2011.  I want to reach my ultimate goal weight in 2011.  Wow, I wrote it down.

I have actually been writing down my food for about the last 2 weeks.  It’s not making me crazy.  I think it’s when I track cals, etc that the crazy comes out to play.

I want to put my food log on the blog.  However I don’t want to bore you with the details.  Logging my food here was never my intention for this blog.  So I will try to use the page tab for my food log.  We will see if it works.

Scale hiatus is going well.  I was tempted today but I stopped myself.

I had this great plan for Saturday am.  i was going to get up and take the kids with me to Cardio kickboxing (7:45 am) and possibly Kettlebell class (7 am).  Then I was going to pay a sitter so I could finish some shopping and then a yoga class.  The Diablo had other plans.

Back story – both my kids have sensitive gag reflexes.  There has been times where El Diablo will upchuck his bottle of milk for no reason.  He did this Friday morning, so I thought no big deal.  About 1.5 hours (12:30am ish) after I fell asleep Fri night he woke up crying (ouch for me).  I tried to just sit in the room and let him put himself to bed.  Hubby wasn’t happy with it so he made a bottle.  20 min later, upchuck, I stayed in his bedroom, sick again later, finally he fell asleep only to wake again at 5am.  I tried a small bottle, sick again and fought going back to bed with a mega watt tantrum, including throwing things.  Back down for about an hour until 7:30am.  So I rightly cancelled the sitter in case he is sick.  Not sure, he ate breakfast with no problems and the activity level is normal.
Sometimes it seems like the universe wants to blow my plans,  I believe in Karma and try to behave accordingly.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Scale Hiatus

As scary as it is to me I have decided I am taking a scale hiatus.  I will be asking hubby to hide it.  OK, so maybe I don't have to be that extreme.  But I decided I will not step on the dam lovely thing until 12/31/10.  I need to see where my HOT 100 numbers are on 12/31 and I need to see how I will be beginning my New Year.

I will be skipping 2 Tuesday weigh ins.

I am scared.

So I sound crazy.  But with all the issues I have been having I worry that 12/31 will equal 200 pound or more.

For the next 2+ weeks I will:
drink my water and decaf tea
attend Kettlebell Class 2-3 days per week
hill walk on my buddy (treadmill) 2 or more days
attend Cardio Kickboxing at least 1x or more
work on having better eating days*
attend a yoga class (hopefully, it's been too long)

*Lately my days are 70% good and 30% not so much.  I want to reach the point where I have a good full day or more.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Greek Frittata Recipie

I adore this recipe.  It originates from Real Simple magazine but I have made some modifications.  It is a great way to get your veggies in and be low carb.  You can eat this anytime of the day.  It's my go to for breakfast / brunch buffets.

Greek Frittata - 4 servings
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 10 large eggs - I use mostly egg whites with 1-5 full eggs or a carton of real eggs*
• 2 teaspoons kosher salt
• 1/2 teaspoon black pepper
• I have been adding an Onion Onion mix from Tastefully Simple - Yum
• 1 5-ounce bag baby spinach
• 1 pint grape tomatoes, halved
• 4 scallions (white and green parts), thinly sliced, you can skip
• 8 ounces feta, crumbled

*If you use more egg whites or the carton of eggs it takes longer to cook.

1. Heat oven to 350° F.
2. Add the oil to a 2-quart casserole and transfer to oven for 5 minutes.  I use a 9x13 baker sometimes.
3. Meanwhile, in a bowl, whisk together the eggs, salt, and pepper. Add the spinach, tomatoes, and scallions and combine. Gently stir in the feta.
4. Remove casserole from oven. Pour the egg mixture into casserole. Bake until the frittata is browned around the edges and slightly puffed and a knife comes out clean, 25 to 30 minutes. I noticed the time take a lot longer depending on what kind of eggs you use.

Nutrition Info - From the magazine.  Egg white modification will change the numbers.  Usually it makes more than 4 servings for me.  More like 6 or 8.
Calories 461; Calories From Fat 68%; Fat 35g; Sat Fat 4g; Cholesterol 579mg; Sodium 1,868mg; Carbohydrate 8g; Fiber 2g; Sugar 5g; Protein 26g
Real Simple, September 2006


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 12/14/10

Weight = 195.4
Loss = +3.4


It was ugly.  I feel like a fraud.  I will get over it.

After a good sob and a ton of anger I sat down and thought about the why.  I have never had this much trouble with the scale.  I don't understand it.  I am frustrated.  Over 3 pounds is crazy.  I feel it everywhere.

My thoughts!!

The Cleanse
Maybe the Jillian Michael's Detox is doing a number on my body.  I know its doing a number on my bottom half.

Water retention
TMI - I know I am retaining water.  I wore a bra for 20 min the am.  I took it off to shower and I had a huge red welt underneath.  The welt was there for a better part of the next 1/2 hour.  My tummy is bloated and puffy.

My intensity and time skyrocketed.  Maybe this is also playing a game with my body.  The Kettlebells are strength training and cardio.

Ok so I haven't been a 100% perfect.  Who the hell is.  But all year I was never 100% perfect and I still lost weight.  I have been writing what I eat for the last week.  No counts just a general list.

I am going to keep on trucking.  Continue with the exercise, water, work on the food.  The cleanse ends tomorrow so maybe next week will be completely different (better).  I just don't know right now.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Monday Meanderings

After my last post I decided to not step on the scale Sun or today.  My Tuesday weigh in is completely up in the air.  I am scared.  It could be ugly.

After 5 straight days of heavy exercise I rested on Friday and unintentionally took Saturday off.  Sunday I managed to hit the treadmill for 30 min.  It was interrupted multiple times by the mini peni in the house.  Tonight is Kettlebells.

Why is it when you eat something off the healthy scale like a bagel with cream cheese you want more?  But when you eat something on the healthy scale like, egg whites or oatmeal you are satisfied and don't need / want more food.  Today I had a bagel with cream cheese.  It was delish but I wasn't satisfied.  I wanted another (didn't).  I imagine I could probably eat 3 without thought.  When I eat my normal breakfast I don't get this way.  Is is a carb thing?  Do those carbs play that many tricks on my head or body for that matter?

Why is hard to drink water when the weather is colder?  Not that its cold here, it's over 80 degrees on Dec 13th.

Our new computer is still waiting to be set up.  Can someone find me 4 or more uninterrupted hours to get the thing set up and all our stuff transferred.  I did manage to get it unpacked and set on the desk.  Mind you I was able to do this after sweeping all the crap on the desk into a box.

I have no idea what to get a get my hubby who is wants for nothing.  He is a simple guy with simple demands.  Plus he is thrifty.  He wants big ticket items.  Like a boat.

Nothing is cuter than a toddler (in diaper) and a nearly 7yo (in underwear) playing with the hose.  Love it.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Can't Throw in the Towel

I am a habitual scale stepper.  There I admitted it.  In the 330 days (11 months), and 195 posts, I have been blogging about my weight loss journey I habitually step on the scale.  My official weigh in day is Tuesdays, unless I am out of town.  During my week I may step on the scale 2 to 5 more times during the week.  I didn't put too much stock in the other weigh ins.  Just a quick check - "ok still on track" or "cool look at that number" or "yeah, those food choices weren't great".

Until this month The scale reflected my efforts with exercise and food.  I knew it was an honest reflection.  I was accepting of what I saw.

I mentioned earlier I am frustrated with the scale this month week.  Some suggestions were to ignore the scale, continue what you are doing.  The main voice in the suggestions was my hubby.  Even today I can't throw in the towel.  I stepped on the scale and I wanted to chuck it thru the window.  3 pounds up from yesterday and there is no hormonal excuse for that.  I haven't seen 195 in forever - WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like if I forget the scale I will balloon up 20 pounds instantly.

I am pissed, frustrated and let's not forget dead on my feet AGAIN.  I went scrapbooking last night.  Got home past midnight, in bed around 1am.  Baby woke at 1:20 am, then again around 3am (can't remember), hubby up a 4am for work and baby up at 6:15 am for the day.  Why is it when you need sleep from enjoying yourself, the kids inevitably decide to be turkeys in the middle of the night.  I am seriously thinking it is not worth it for me to go out late at night.  At least not the days hubby is working.  Which for the next 3 days I am basically solo with the 2 kids.  No rest for the Wicked.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Hot 100 Update - Week 11

I am kicking ass.  Well, sort of.  I kicked up my exercise routine big time.  This is my week so far.
Sun = 50 hill walk on treadmill
Mon = 45 kettlebell class
Tue = 45 kettlebell class
Wed = 50 hill walk on treadmill
Thur = 45 min kettlebell class AND 60 min cardio kick boxing class

I probably burned 800 calories last night.  I did both classes at my full speed.  I had very few modifications.  I took a few mini breaks during the bag punching and kicking (I was exhausted).  I feel great today, a bit tired (didn't sleep well). 

The scale hasn't budged since Tuesday.  I expect more from it.  My eating is vastly improving but not 100% yet.  For the sake of full disclosure, I have been taking Jillian Michaels Detox and Cleanse for 3 days (4 left).  You perform the cleanse along with a regular diet.  I was hoping it will kick start me for the holiday crunch.

Water - excellent.  I drank 48 oz during and after my workout last night along the with rest of my water for the day.

Waist - about 1.5 inches to go.  I think I will make this goal. 

Weight = still around 192.  Something crazy will have to happen for me to hit 186.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Sleep Derailment

I swear nothing derails me more than sleep deprivation.  In my ripe old age of 37, sleep has become very important.  Especially now when I am in the middle of a new exercise program and ramp up.*  I need the recovery sleep. 

Last night was rough with El Diablo toddler (21 months).  He woke up crying around 11 pm.  We were still up having a good talk.  Diablo woke with a smelly diaper (odd) which had turned into a painful rash.  We tried for an hour to get him back down.  Eventually ( time?), he ended up restlessly sleeping in our bed.  At points I had feet kicking me or a body laying on my head.  He woke up about 5am and then roughly snoozed for another hour.

when I am sleep deprived, the first thing I want to turn to is food.  I want it to make me feel better, take away the headache, wrap me with comfort and warmth.  But, those foods I want to turn to are laced with sugar and carbs.

I feel like a train wreck and it's only 8:30am.  The hubby and the Diablo are cranky.  The To Do list is hefty.  The big boy is bugging for a tree and Christmas decor - none of which have been done.  Wish me luck.

* Exercise
Hubby and I committed to 6 months of professional Kettlebell classes.  This week so far:
Sun = 50 hill walk on treadmill
Mon = 45 min Kettlebell class
Tue = 45 min Kettlebell class
Wed = 50 min hill walk on treadmill
Thur = planned 45 min Kettlebell class at 6pm

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 12/7/10

Weight = 192.0
Loss = -1.4

This holiday season is a bit harder than I thought it would be.  Getting and staying on track has proved to be very difficult.  My emotions are getting the best of me and when I get emotional I want to turn to food for comfort.  Yesterday I was really feeling like a fraud.  I haven't been very successful in the last few months.  I haven't gain but I haven't lost much either.  Yes, I know that not gaining is successful, but I have too far to go to be stalled right now.

I decided yesterday to start writing everything I put in my mouth.  No counting.  It might be a way to get my health back in focus.

I want to say more but I don't have the time.  I have been running out of time to blog and that bugs me.  Blogging keeps me on track in many ways.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Numbers (Hot 100 update)

Where am I now?  An update of sorts to get me to the end of year.  I set some Hot 100 goals about 90 days ago, so I will use those as a guideline.  The goals are for 12/31/10.

Goal #1 = 186 pounds (adjusted)
I haven't checked in a few days but I am lower than my Tuesday weight.  Somewhere around 191.  I have a way to go here.  I REALLY want to see a 18X by the end of the year.

Goal #2 = lower waist from 48 inches to 44.
I measured 45 3/8 today.  Almost there.  My waist and hips are the only place I lost inches since early September.  I actually gained an inch in my upper thigh (9" above knee).  That's ok, I am at 23 inches there, still pretty small.

Goal #3 = 72 oz water daily
Faltering here with the colder weather.  Mistake, I know.  My total liquid intake is probably still above 72oz but it is a combo of tea and water.  Needs to be just water.

Two nice compliments today.  One about Thursday's Kettle Bell class.  Friend noticed I caught on quick and used great form.  I'll take it.  Two was my friend who took my measurements.  When I was surprised my thighs got bigger, she said the were already super small and if they get smaller I won't be able to stand up.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Week Recap and an NSV

It has been crazy here.  I haven't posted since Tuesday and that is not like me.

Part of the crazy started on Tuesday when toddler (on Mr's watch) washed my contacts down the drain.  This is a BIG problem for me.  I wear hard contacts like 90% of my day and I am blind as a bat.  My glasses are not strong enough to give me the same clarity as my contacts.  It takes 3 days to get a new pair of contacts.  I was in a fog for those days.  It reminds me how much my sight is a handicap for me.

I didn't get to do my inches - busy.  Hopefully sometime this weekend.

My NSV (non scale victory)
Last night hubby and I went on a date night.  Our date night consisted of our first kettle bell class, beer and food while sitting an an actual bar (never happens anymore w/ kids), and the a quick trip to Lowe's to look at bathroom stuff.  The kettle bell class was interesting.  Since hubby and I are newbies the instructor focused on us and teaching us the very basics of form.  It was still aerobic and we both broke a sweat in the 45 min class.  Hubby had a hard time with the form.  He couldn't get it right.  He was also huffing and puffing.  Me - got the form down pretty quickly and very little huffing.  Today hubby is whiny about how sore he is.  Me - nothing.  Yes, physically he can kick my butt and does things I can't (push ups, pull ups, longer running) but last night is was clear I have a much higher fitness level then him.  Whoo hoo.

We decided what to do with our $200.  We are going to invest in more Kettle bell classes.  It is something we can do together - bonus.  The kids can hangout at the class - it is inside a preschool tumbling room (sweet).  Eventually we can take what we learn and invest in kettle bell for home.

Food is still an issue for me right now. 

Bonus - we finally got a new computer.  I will probably be spending a better part of weekend getting it set up.  So excited.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 11/30/10

Weight = 193.4
Loss = +2.4

I am sitting here and my head is screaming, don't write this post.  You weight is way up.  Pretend you forgot to weigh yourself.  No one will know any better except yourself.  Bad idea.  I am here admitting my weight is going not well.

I know next week will be better.  Whether or not if it is a valid excuse but Mother nature came in yesterday and is still kicking my butt.  Deep down I don't think it is a valid excuse, not sure though.  But hormones do play a huge role in my issues.  PCOS and hormones are the bane of my existence.  Maybe when I reach a lower weight the impact will be less but right now It kicks my butt.  Problem is now with a lower weight, my medicine and food under better control, my cycle went from being erratic (60+ days) to super regular (28 days).  It still lasts 5 days and the first 2 to 3 are insane.  Sorry this is TMI, but this is where I am NOW.

My cold is lingering and the super dry cold windy weather is not helping.  Every morning I wake up feeling like crap with a sore throat.  I am fine later in the day only to repeat the next morning.

Tomorrow I will do my inches, etc.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Spending Spree

I We have $200 to spend on fitness equipment.

My husband has a voluntary fitness program thru work.  If you complete the year long program you get $200 to spend on fitness something.

We have been contemplating where we should spend the money.  Hubby only wants to spend the $200, no more, too many bills right now.

Some ideas
  • Gym membership for me only.  I can use the sitting service and take group exercise classes like Zumba or Spinning.  There is also an indoor pool there.
  • Kettlebells.  My hubby read that Kettlebells are great cardio so this was his suggestion.  My Bikini friend used Kettlebells to transform her body.  There is an excellent local instructor that she works with.  I suggested we take a class together before we make a decision.  I am planning a date night for Thursday.
  • Olympic Bar and weights - We bought an Olympic weight bench a few years ago but no weights or bar.
  • Digital Monitor - What?  Either a heart rate monitor or a total calorie monitor like the Body Bugg.  This would blow the $200 budget for sure.
  • Group Classes for me - Either more yoga classes, a new boot camp, or a pass to the kettlebell class.
Any other ideas?  Where would you spend the $200.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Dr Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde

Back on the horse today - sort of.

Last weekend I came down with a cold and I let it take over my life.  We also went out of town Tue to Friday.  I still felt sick up until today.  I think the cold became a sinus infection.  When I get sick, all bets are off.  I don't like that I do that.  I want to be the person where exercise is second nature.  I love to exercise, I love when I do it often but I let life (colds, etc) derailed me too easily. 

I forced myself to get on the treadmill today.  Dusted that bad boy off.  It was great.  I did a hill walk for 30 min and watched an episode of Hung.  Luckily the toddler cooperated with a long nap.

That was the good part of my day.  On to the bad part.

I binged.  Plain and simple.  I ate late in the morning.  2 eggs and 2 slices of rye - ok there.  I cleaned, lanudry, kids, etc and skipped lunch.  Decided I will grab something before going to market at 3pm - bad idea, should have eaten at home and earlier.  Bring on a cheese steak.  Then I get to the market with toddler in tow.  I eyeball a monster sized red velvet cupcake.  I contemplate and decide NO.  Move on to the ice cream - NO again but I decided I was going for the Fig Newtons.  I had a craving a few weeks ago but I skipped it.  Not today.  I bought a pack and ate at least 10 in the store and probably about 5 more on the way home.  I was so full that I didn't eat dinner.  It's 9:30 pm and I still feel bloaty and full. 

Was I self sabatoging?  My weight was up this am from lack of exercise and poor food choices on our trip.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 11/23/10

Weight = 191.0
Loss = -1.0

Weighed in on Tuesday, unable to blog until today.  We drove 350 miles to Nana's house.  Baby also a super rough night of sleep.  He always does on the first night we travel anywhere.  I am not surprised that the scale is playing games with me.  I know I will hit the 180's soon.  So close I can smell it.  Maybe not next week since - you ladies know why.

I haven't exercised since Thursday.  Partly because of the cold I got and then a 1000 other excuses.  I will get back on the horse tomorrow.  I am not a big Thanksgiving eater.  Gravy - blah, mashed potatoes - blah, turkey - cold in a sammie the next day - YUM.  Today I have been overeating - admittedly.  I am at my mom's house - the land of temptation.

Happy Thanksgiving  - I am very thankful for this blog, my readers and the other brave souls (bloggers) who put their stories out there too to help motivate and help me.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Come on What's 2-Tenths Worth

The scale (unofficial) today read 190.0. 

Seriously, it couldn't give me a 2 tenths dip into the 180's.  Really.  I tried 4 times.  Never once have I seen a 18X on the scale.  Why is this such a block for me.

Good news is that 190.0 is less that my hubby's weight from last week of 190.4.  Never have I been lower than him. 

Maybe my official (Tuesday) weight will be in the 180's.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

An Equation I Struggle With

ME + Social Event = FOOD

Why is it that all social events revolve around food?  My Friend wrote here about how she pulled away from social situations partly because of the food.  This got me to thinking, searching.  I am a social person and I want to be out there with the people.  Not always around the little penises people that run my life.  Buy why does every social event I can think of mostly involved food in some form or other?

Sure there is the CHOICE to avoid the food at an event but let's be realistic.  How often is that really going to happen without your own internal struggle or external pressures. 

I don't avoid social events.  In the past 11 month of blogging I have used social events as a teaching moment.  Sometimes I succeed as seen here or here.  Other times, not so much like here and here.

Help!!!! - Let's brainstorm social events, things to do that don't involve food.  Most of the things I can think of are outdoors so maybe someone from a snowy state might have some better ideas.

Socializing without food
Going out for coffee (only) - but I don't drink the stuff
Clothes shopping but pack your lunch or find a healthy alternative
Scrapbooking - with only healthy snacks
Bunco with healthy food (or no food)
Bowling without all the crappy food
Movie - pack a snack and bring water bottle

Most of the ideas I can think of are one on one or small group events.  What about bigger groups?

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Eyes Down

The other day I sweated in a Kick Fit class.  It is a combo cardio, bag boxing and strength training class.  The class is at small Karate Do Jo.  I was the only one there.

Here is what I noticed.  In the class we face a wall of mirrors.  I don't like to look at myself while exercising.  I look at the ground or the instructor.  I forced myself a few times to look up.  Weird thing is that I am not modest.  I walk around buck naked at home in front of a ton of mirrors.  I even look at and move around the jiggly parts, in observation not criticism.  But ... for some reason I don't like seeing myself exercising.  Or maybe I don't like seeing myself next to the super fit instructor.  When I look in the mirror I loose focus and I get critical.

Do you like exercising in front of a mirror?

Have to say I love hitting and kicking the bag.  Nice!!!

P.S.  I have a cold combined with a sick baby = no sleep.  I missed exercise Fri and Sat.  Not even sure if I can pull it off on Sun.  Feeling sick and exercising don't compute yet.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

A Detailed Answer

Here is a more detailed answer from here.

My question to a well educated Trainer
Could you give me an explanation as to why when you start a boot camp like exercise problem you potentially loose no weight.  Assuming you have a ton of weight to loose (50 or more) and your diet remains the same.  I loose inches and tone up but many times my weight doesn’t change.  I know many other people who would like to understand this too.

His answer

First of all, there are LOTS of variables that go into this.  One of the primary ones is that when you start working out, one of the initial responses of the body is to start storing more glycogen in the muscles (glycogen is the storage form of glucose in the muscles so basically we're talking about storing more fuel now that you're working out).  Well, for every one gram of glycogen stored, the body also stores 3 grams of water.  So immediately one starts gaining water weight.  That's why one may "feel" more tone and even have clothes fit better but the scale does not change (much).

That said, if one is truly in a caloric deficit, weight loss should happen.  If it's not happening, we need to take a closer look at your nutrition.  If everything is truly fine there, then seeing a MD (endocrinologist) might be in order.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 11/16/10

Weight = 192.0
Loss = -2.2

Right now, I don't consider anything a true loss untill I go below 190.0 (hit on 9/14).  Happy to see things finally going in the right direction.  But, I expect more.  I have been spot on with the food and exercise.  Been waiting to see the whoo hoo moment on the scale. 

Maybe I need to work on the food more.  Examine what I am really eating.  I know I am missing veggies and fruit.  Need to eat more of those.  I have been having bread with breakfast and lunch (no more than 30g total carbs).

For exercise - Boot camp is over.  I decdied I am going to focus on the cardio and then do a Boot Camp style (muscle work) class no more than twice a week.  I will also make sure fit in one Yoga class a week.

I have revised my  HOT 100 weight goal.  I would have to loose a solid 3 pounds every week without fail to reach 174.  I am not sure I have it in me to do that.  It's not a cop out, I am trying to be realistic.  My body (the whole kabooble) has never made such a high and consistent weight loss.  I think 186 is a great number for me.  That is about 1 pound a week from today on.  186 will get me solidily in the 180's (finally) and give me a good start to 2011.

Hot 100 goals
1.  186.0 by 12/31/10
2.  lower waist meansurement from 48 to 44 inches.  I will take new meansurement in the begining of December.
3.  Water 72oz - honestly I can't stand it if I drink less than this.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Time Management Part 1

As part of the process of working my time management I am going to review the things I do.  Hopefully this will help me find areas that need improvement.  I hope this doesn't bore my readers too much.  I thought of doing this on paper but I consider my blog as my personal (although public) journal.  What better place then here.  Maybe someone has some insight that can help me or maybe my brainstorm helps someone else.

This first part is the things I do inside my home on top of all the regular stuff like - kids, homework, cleaning, laundry, garden, weeds, food, etc, etc.

I can't begin to describe how much this blog has helped me.  I can't give this one up.  I used to write my posts while watching TV, sometimes to my husbands annoyance.  But the laptop busted and we are down to the 2003 dinosaur I am on now.  We will be getting a new faster computer soon, so this may speed thing up.

Reading and commenting on other blogs
I love reading about other people's journeys and some mommy blogs.  It is a source of entertainment (like Facebook).  Bonds have been formed with fellow bloggers.  Again the slow computer doesn't help here.  I streamlined my blog reading by using the Google reader and quickly scrolling thru but I can't find a quick way to make comments on posts.  I have to find the blog, open it up, get to the post and then comment.  If someone knows a quicker way, please tell me.  I haven't been commenting much because it takes way too long.

Oh FB how I love and hate you.  This is why I don't touch Twitter.  I don't need another computer thing in my life.  I don't play any of the games.  I browse the status updates and pictures.  As a stay at home mom I love the link to the outside world.  I love seeing tid bits of the the lives of the people around me.  Feeds the Mrs. Kravits in me.  I have re-connected and stayed connected with so many in my life thanks to Facebook.  Many of whom I want to continue to be connected with.  I know it is a huge time sink because I do read all the new updates.  I am compelled to read and look at pictures to completion.  Don't want to miss anything.

I tired to limit myself to checking 2 times a day.  Doesn't always work.  Possible solutions - 100% eliminate, only update with kids pics (for family) and don't look at others, or "hide" less important people's posts to clean it up and read only once a day.  What is best?

Hubby thinks I spend to much time but I disagree.  Yes I quickly cheek and read anything necessary but I hardly ever send emails.  I never send jokes, junk, you house will explode if you don't forward this.  I maintain the family calendar with Outlook.  Without this I would be dead in the water.  Many of the families activities are thru email  - soccer, Boy Scouts, party invites, play dates, etc.  I could limit myself to checking maybe twice or once a day here?

This is a sticky one.  My bikini competition friend almost never has the TV on in her house.  Even with 2 kids under 7, no TV.  Only on super rare occasions.  My household couldn't be more opposite.  I do have some standards - No TV in bedrooms, no TV before school but that's about it.  I only watch TV that has been recorded on my DVR.  I would go insane if I had to wait for a commercial.  But I love TV.    On a fairly active day I may watch 1 to 2 hours.  On a lazy, no plans, not leaving house day, much more.  I don't snack with TV so food is not an issue.  I usually do something else while watching - folding clothes, To Do lists, purging mail, dusting, snuggling, etc.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Asking for Help - Update

Here is an update on my post about asking for help.

Hubby said hell no on getting a cleaner twice or even once a month.  Around here a twice a month house cleaner can run about $75-95 dollars per visit.  There is many reasons for his no.  Property taxes are coming up, yearly car insurance, yearly homeowner insurance, etc - oh, and they are all due in December of all months.  We also need to completely demo and re-do 2 bathrooms.  This is not a want and we have no idea where the cash will come from.  Both are leaking and the repair isn't easy, plus both bathrooms are original (25 years plus).

He said the typical "I will help out more with the cleaning".  He is a wonderful husband but seriously we all know how that goes.  It is easier just to do it yourself.  Plus his To Do list is equally as long as mine.  He does everything himself.  In fact he just finished (not 100% done) building his own cabinets in the garage from scratch.

We had the talk AGAIN about time management.  He thinks I don't see where I waste my time and that I could use that wasted time getting my To Do list done.  We have had this talk over and over again.  I am a card carrying procrastinator married to the king of procrastination.

Around the same time I found out a Friend just competed in a bikini fitness competition.  We haven't been in touch so I was amazed to find out what she did.  She was never super heavy at 5'1" but I think she dropped maybe 30 pounds and really toned up her body.  She was down to about 108 at the time of the competition.  Come to find out she also wrote a blog about her journey.  Point is - In her blog she mentioned how she consciously pulled back from play dates and mom's night out, one mostly because of the food and two, the time.  She is a dedicated and serious person.  This made me wonder about where I dedicate myself and where I need to spend my energy.

Over the next week I am going to examine where I waste spend my time.  In the meantime I have been trying to focus on getting 3 things done completely.  It worked a few times but not every time.  One day my 3 was - exercise, blog write, clean master bath.  I finished each one within that day among the 5000 partial things I did.  I have been feeling better, although I think getting back into regular exercise is the #1 reason.

Friday, November 12, 2010

An Answer?

Today was my last day of a 4 week boot camp.  Today we did a quick workout - warm up, tabata, hurricanes, and a second tabata for total of 30 min then the trainer bought us all Starbucks.  The hurricanes were "fun".  They consisted of 10s sprints with 30s return / recovery for 11 rounds.  I hate running but I don't mind sprints.  I think it is the soccer player in me.  Soccer is all about sprinting. 

Overall opinions about the boot camp are so so.  I am exhilarated to get back into a regular exercise program. My shaped changed but not my weight.  I feel great and much happier.  The class level was actually easy.  There was too much down / explanation time between exercises.  I didn't sweat much or feel a super high level of exertion.  I tried to push myself as much as possible at 5:30 in the morning.  My friend had similar feelings about the level of the class.

At Starbucks I had a nice discussion with the trainer.  We talked about the class, exercise and weight loss.  Loved the conversation.  I mentioned my frustration with the work out and drop no weight issue I have.  His answer was that it is a temporary issue.  It has to do with the whole building muscle and it weighs more than fat.  But there is more.  While you are building the muscles your body retains more water to feed the growing muscles.  That is why it is temporary.

Glad to hear a logical explanation.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Meal Planning

I never intended to put ads on my blog.  Not that I have enough readers.  My blog is not about that.  Although, I have to admit, getting $ is always nice.  I have never been sponsored or received fitness items to try out.  That would be nice too.  Anyways, I really want to tell you about this website.

For the past couple weeks I have been using E-Mealz to plan my dinners.  I was referred to it by several other moms.  Seriously, it is awesome.  There is several plans - Points, regular family, low fat, low carb, etc.  I choose Low Carb for 2.  With my plan I get 5 dinner recipes for the week.  The first page is the menu with the simple recipe and the second page is my detailed shopping list.


Ultimately the idea is that you will save money with the food planning.  In fact some of the menu plans choose items that are on sale at your particular market for the week.  I am trying for a different reason.  I am tired of trying to come up with new (low-carb) ideas. I need something simple and quick.  So far, the E-Mealz has been awesome.  I did very little adjusting.  I eliminated one meal, a crab bake, not interested.  You pay a very small monthly fee for the service.

If you join up here is a hint - you can save the menus as a PDF on your computer for future meal planning.

I am so pleased with this system that I added a link on my sidebar.  Technically not an Ad but still.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 11/9/10

Weight = 194.2
Loss = Why bother *

So I finally starting to feel more myself.  2 weeks ago I had my colonscopy.  I detailed the food and other issues here.  The first few days seemed normal then I got hit with my monthly visitor.  That kicked my butt for almost the whole week.  It is hard to describe why I didn't feel like myself but there was a few crazy things going on.  I was bloated.  My stomach has been sticking out.  I could tell with my clothes, etc.  I wasn't in pain, just not right.  TMI but I was also gassy and I haven't been that way in months. I gained 5 pound super quick *.  I have never had such a big out of control gain, no matter how crappy I ate.  Now, admittedly my eating has not been in the best shape.

Exercise - GREAT
Last week I went to boot camp 4 days and even did an extra mile on Friday's boot camp.  Sunday I did a ton of walking.  Today was the beginning of my 4th week of boot camp.  This made me start to wonder.  Was the weight gain from all the exercise (muscle gain).  I have been told I am thinning (my shape) but how can that be possible when I feel bloated and gained 5 pounds.  That is my frustration with my body.  Has happened before.  I exercise, lose no weight but my shape quickly improves, enough for people to notice.

For the next few days I am simply going to work on not cheating.  For me that means, no deserts, no candy, keep the bread carbs below 30g, eat fruit, lower carbs at dinner, no overeating.  After that I will have a few lower carbs days, no bread or pasta, more veggies, etc.  A system clean out, sort of.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

A Sticky Conversation

Last night a friend and I went scrapbooking.  The house we go to serves a nice dinner.  We arrived on time.  Usually dinner is served about an hour into the night.  So my friend said she was starving and was hovering in the kitchen waiting for the chips and dip to be put out.

Friend:  I am starving but I had a sandwich at 1pm, I shouldn't be this hungry.
Me:  What kind of sandwich?
F:  A PB and J and I had 2 slices of toast for breakfast, alot of carbs!
Me:  Yeah! Almost no protein and not that much quantity overall.
F:  Peanut Butter is protein!
Me:  Yeah but when you eat you PB & J is in hard to talk?  Do you lay it on thick?
F:  No, I spread it thin
Me:  PB is great, when I eat an apple and PB I eat like 2 tbsp or more.  The protein isn't too high, but real PB is yummy
F:  I use skippy
Me: "sigh"
Me:  Natural PB is so much better for you.  Skippy does have a "more natural" PB you could try.

I was raised on natural PB so I understand the difference of being raised on skippy like PB.  I can see it being hard to make a switch.  I also thought the natural stuff would be higher in protein.  So this made me curious about the true difference in natural PB versus the skippys out there.  I know the number one difference is whole unprocessed versus over processed.  Let's look at the numbers and ingredients:

TJ's Creamy salted
2 tbsp, 190 cal, 16g fat, 7g carbs, 8g protein
dry roasted peanuts, salt

2 tbsp, 190 cal, 16g fat, 7g carbs, 7g protein
Roasted peanuts, sugar, hydrogenated vegetable oils, salt

Skippy Natural
2 tbsp, 180 cal, 17g fat, 6g carbs, 7g protein
Roasted peanuts, sugar, palm oil, salt

So the only difference is the added sugar and oil = over processed.  The protein is basically the same but neither are very high in protein.  The calories are high and would be even higher (nearly 500) to get a meal portion of protein ( about 16g).  For a snack, 8 g of protein is good as long as the other portion of your snack isn't to high in carbs (15g or less).  At least this is the way I roll, every diet is as different as every person out there. 

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Paying it Forward

So I watch the Biggest Looser.  I know, kill me now but hey it is the only reality TV I watch.  I record it so I can watch the 2 hours in like 30 min.  This season is about "Paying it Forward".  This past week a kicked off contestant talked about how he payed it forward.  Even though he wasn't at goal yet he still put himself out there to help others.

I enjoy discussing weight loss and health.  Hell, I wouldn't mind even debating it with someone because I am 100% aware I DO NOT have all the answers.  BUT ....  It's like talking about politics.  No one wants to talk about it or even hear it.  It is such a personal issue for everyone.

I would love to pay it forward.  Love to talk about what I have learned and am still learning to this day.  There is even a particular person in my circle of life I would love to help.  So much so that I am considering reaching out to this person.  Is this a good idea?

I know my blog is one way to reach out but it is one sided.  It doesn's allow for an open dialog.

Do you have the desire to "Pay it Forward", no matter where you are in your journey?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 11/2/10

Weight = 194.4
Loss = +3.2

Ouch.  I said it was going to be bad and it is.  I feel the gain all over me.  No more.  I will barrel thru that dam 190 barrier.  I have no excuses and I 100% know the reason for my gain.

HOT 100
I am beginning to wonder if I have (yet again) screwed myself out of reaching a weight goal.  It will be hard to hit 174 but the end of the year.  I will have to consistently loose just over 2 pounds a week until then.  I have to sit down on ponder what I want to do with this goal and how will I get there.

I did a quick measurement on my waist.  My last measurement was 48 inches (9/10).  I checked today, it was 45.5.  I am only 1.5 inches from my HOT 100 goal of 44 inches.  So, part of me says that can't be a correct measurement.  Especially considering my weight right now.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Weekend Party Recap

Party 1-Saturday
Beforehand my food was:  Tea, oolong tea, lots of water. my oatmeal, small portion of steak an mushrooms, about 6 Ritz crackers, tortilla chips and bean dip (I had to try what I was bringing).  I did 40 interrupted min on the treadmill and cleaned my house like a madwomen.

The party was great and FULL of potluck food.  For the first few hours I was solo with the Tornado (19 months).  There was a ton of kids and lots of open doors.  So it was difficult to eat or stay in one place for that matter.  2 cocktails were in order - a root beer float martini and a rum and coke.  I could have had more but it was just making me sleepy.  I sampled different foods.  My biggest accomplishment are 2 things - one I didn't overeat, never felt stuffed and two - I avoided the cupcakes.  I thought about eating a cupcake.  I wanted to eat a cupcake.  But I decided I had enough food and it wasn't worth a trigger.  One cupcake usually equal 4 for me.

Party 2 - Sunday
I did ok really bad.  I ate way more carbs that I needed to.  The whole day was off since hubby and I went to bed at like 3am the night before.  I barley ate most of the day.  Had a bagel late in the afternoon and then went to the party.  My fun monthly visitor came last night so will power decided to take a hike.  Later in the evening, I was kid and hubby free - they were all sleeping - so I went to a girlfriend's for some girl talk and a ton of whine wine.

My weight is way up.  Tuesday won't be pretty on the scale.   I feel like crapola today.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Happy Halloween

It's Halloween.  A day were everyone dresses up and gets to be something they are not.

I have never been a fan of wearing a costume.  I had some fun ones here and there.  But overall, not my favorite activity.

I wake up every day with a costume that makes me achy.  My costume rolls around me and make me feel sluggish.  My costume covers my face up.  My costume affects my confidence and level of happiness.  I hide behind my costume from those in much smaller, fitter costumes.  I am wearing a costume of fat and rolls on my fit self.  I am covered in a costume.  On the outside I am someone I am am not on the inside.  I am fat.  Fat on a fit person. 

Time to remove my costume of fat forever.

Have fun tonight.  Remember the saying "moment on the lips, forever on the hips".

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Party Planning

I have 2 party events this weekend.  I love parties.  I am a shy social butterfly.  Weird, I know.  With the social, I love party food.  Both parties are potluck.  Even better.  I am "variety is the spice of life" kind of girl.  Especially with food.  Historically, these are the types of parties where I overeat and get miserable.  Add in the high calories for the bits of alcohol I consume and you have a hot mess. 

What is the best way to approach party situations with your heath in mind?

One wise, mostly thin friend would choose to skip the alcohol and spend her calories on food (or desert) without overeating.  Not that I am much of a drinker, but I do enjoy a cocktail on occasion.  Party number 1, tonight is without kids, so I really might want a cocktail bucket (or 2).  My very fit BFF or UPT (Unofficial Personal Trainer) might take a bite or 2 but otherwise avoids all the bad stuff.  With her, it usually depends on where she is with a goal.  If she is in goal mode, XXX weight or a triathlon coming up, she abstains completely.  That isn't for me me either.  One, I am not sure I CAN do that.  Two, I have no desire to abstain completely.

I have been having a hard time getting back on the horse since my colonscopy prep, etc.  In fact yesterday I was way way off the horse when I took the kids to Disneyland.  I am up 2 pounds.  I need to get back on the horse, wagon or whatever you want to call it.

So here is my plan:
  • Lots of water and tea.  I will make a big pot of my Oolong tea.   It is supposed to help with the digestions of carbs.
  • Exercise.  When I put the baby down for a nap, I will get on the treadmill.  This will be hard because I have a ton of stuff to do around the house too.  I have a sitter coming, so cleaning IS required.
  • Low carb for the day.  Steel oatmeal with flax, protein and no sugar.  Steak soup for lunch and an apple with PB just before the party.
  • Enjoy the party but keep it small and sensible.
The thing about weight loss, plans, etc that makes it so dam frustrating at times is that you don't know if you are on the right track.  Ever feel that way?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Hunky Doery

As you may have figured from here I was blessed with a colonoscopy yesterday.  The procedure was easy.  The preparation was the hardest part.  Fasting on liquids for 24 hours and drinking 3 Liters of sodium solution did a number on my body.  I am still purging the sodium.

I passed the test, no issues, yeah!

Now I am ready to get back to my regular eating habits.

I was back a Boot Camp at 5:30 am with the moon still out and it was super windy.  It was OK.  The trainer is a sub and he takes too much time talking so I cool down too quick.  I might get on the treadmill today for some extra exercise.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 10/26/10

Weight = 191.2
Loss = -1.0

I am not putting a ton of stock in today's weight.  With all the "cleaning" out and all liquids diet I did yesterday I expected the number to be 18X but I guess not.  It's fine.  It's all the white bread I ate.  A bit TMI but the white (processed) food affected me.  I was bloated and let say "noisy".

To reach my Hot 100 weight goal of 174 I have to drop 2 pounds every week.  That is a tall order for me.  I am a snail pace looser.  I have to plan in order to do this.  I can't do it by the seat of my pants.  I will have to enlist my hubby's help too.  I will need his help with the kids so I can exercise more often.

My couch is calling me.  The "cleaning" out is still in effect.  My procedure is in 3 hours.  When I am recovered, this car is going in drive.  I am not sure what I can eat today but I really desire some comfort food.  I want to make my Mom's mac and cheese.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Perfect Illustration of Why

This is why I don't use my clothes or a particular size as an indicator of success.  I use the scale (yuck, I know) and my measurements.  Granted this is for men's pants but I imagine the discrepancy in women's pants is even crazier.  Imagine Old Navy is a full 5 inches bigger.  5 inches is a lot of extra poundage on the midsection.

I am happy to no longer be in the "women's" or "plus" section.  I look forward to the day when even more options are open to me.  I am on the border still between Plus and Regular sizing.  With the large chest I still have to reach for XL or XXL to cover up the ladies.  Otherwise I could give a crap about the size of the clothes I am wearing.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Clarification on "My Break"

I re-read my post about my break and realised something.  The post reads like I am happy about the limited food or the break.  Or that I will enjoy not eating whole grains.  It reads like I WANT the break.

Seriously I am NOT happy.  I don't want to be on a break.  I have been a whole grain, clean (mostly) eater for years now.  I am really not sure WHAT to eat this weekend with the limited list.  I want to be on track.  I can't have a salad and if I eat bread it has to be white. 

I am worried about not taking my medicine.  Because of my PCOS (= insulin resistance) I take Metformin daily.  It is a diabetes medicine but I am NOT diabetic.  I worry that my body (= weight) will go nutso.

I worry about the discomfort from the "cleaning" on Monday with all liquids.

I worry about the procedure and what they might find.

I worry about how I will feel afterwards.

I am bummed that I might have to miss Boot Camp most of next week.

Just wanted to clarify.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Unintentional Break

I decided I will have to take an unintentional break from my weight.  It will be a short one.  Next Tuesday I am scheduled for a lovely medical procedure.  For this procedure I have to stop my meds and vitamins for 3 days.  Starting tomorrow I get to eat a low fiber / low residue diet.  So that means I will be allowed to eat things I rarely touch, like white bread, super limited fruit and veggies, white rice, etc.  No whole grains, no raw veggies, no nuts or seeds. On Monday I am on all liquids.  FUN

I have no idea what this will do to me and my weight and I am not going to worry about it.  I will probably still do my weekly weigh in on Tuesday but I will not be concerned with the number.  I will not weigh myself between now and then.  Out of mind.

I will still be Blogging.

100 points if you guess what I get to enjoy on Tuesday :-)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Love Your Body Day

Today is National Love Your Body Day as Miz Fit mentioned here.

I love my body.

I love that my body baked and nourished 4 souls, 2 of which light up my everyday and 2 in heaven.  Maybe not every moment.

I love my body for the power it gives me, the power to do, the power to move.  The power to complete a 1 hr Boot Camp class with no problems.

I love that my body is a source of comfort for the other souls in my house.

I love that my body and I have an understanding.  I listen and respond to it's needs.  I really think many women fail to truly listen to their bodies.

I love every scar, battle wounds, stretch mark, wrinkle and sag.

I love that I can pick out parts of my body that match parts of my parents and kids.

I love my body.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 10/19/10

Weight = 192.2
Loss = + 1.2

This is one of those weeks all dieters weigh loss hopefuls despise.  A week where the scale doesn't reflect what you think.  I came back from a long trip down over a pound, to my amazement.  Since Wed my food intake was about 90% on track.  I had one heavy lunch and Fondue one night.  There was no exercise but a lot of TV catch up.  I step on the scale often to check progress.  Sunday am things were great, I was just a tad over 190.  I had a feeling I would finally dip into the 180's.  My food was great and lots of water, all day.  Mon am = + a pound.  Today = even more. 

I really though I was on the right track, with the lack of exercise exception.  I realise now what the big difference between last week (trip) and this week.  Activity.  On our trip we were constantly on the go.  walking, lugging kids, lugging crap, stairs, etc.  Wasn't formal exercise but I think it made a big difference.  Today I started a 4 week Boot Camp so I think things will kick back in gear.

HOT 100 Update
Goal of 174 - I will have to kick it into high gear to give this goal some momentum.

Waist - Boot camp will help and I will do some focused work here.  If when I reach goal #1, this number should be no problem.

Water - 72 oz - with the cooler temps, this one becomes a problem.  I forget to drink.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Asking for Help

I am overwhelmed and to be perfectly honest, depressed.  Warning - Vent ahead!!!

Baby hurricane is kicking my ass.  It is bordering on questioning if the kid is "normal" or not.  Both hubby and I have questioned his normalcy to the point where I am teetering on getting "help" for him.  "help" =  Dr's, testing, therapy, who knows.  Hurricane is 19 months but has no words, except no.  He is wicked smart with a wicked temper and a nack to get into EVERYTHING.  At 18 months the Dr. mentioned seeking assistance (speech).  I feel sorry for my calm natured 6 YO.  He is having a hard time with his brother too.

But this is not the point of my post.

My "To Do" list is a mile long.  It is full of important "To Do's".  I can't even being to think of my "want to" list.  When do I ever think I might have the time to frame and hang pictures of my kids that have been piled up for years.  My "getting fit" focus is gone right now.  I haven't done regular exercise for a month or more.  My eating is ok, good, but I credit that to the fact that eating "mostly" healthily is second nature to me.

I can't pick a single thing I feel successful at right now because I can't actually finish one thing.  Everything is in partial.  I am part done with the laundry, the bathroom is partially done, I bought the grocery's but didn't put the veggies is the proper (Tupperware) container, I partially trimmed and weeded the front yard but couldn't finish since the baby woke up.

I am seriously contemplating asking to have a house cleaner come 2 times a month.  I am willing to give up a good portion of my spending money (allowance if you want) to do so.  I feel that knowing the house is clean and sanitary will lift 20 mental pounds off my back.  Is there guilt involved in the stay at home mom asking for someone to clean her house - you bet.  BUT - I am throwing in the towel and asking for help.  I want to check off my to do list, I want to exercise without feeling guilty, I want to do some of my "want to" list, I want to have fun with my kids, I want to be happy.

Oh!! There is another part of me that is screaming right now - Amy - why can't you handle this?  Why can't you do what others (with less or more kids) seem to do with "grace and ease".  I actually told my hubby the other day it hard to take the baby to the park because then I am not at home doing crap.  I suck need help.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Drawing a Blank

I've been having a hard time blogging, reading and commenting.  We are down to 1 computer in the house with 3 users so I have to negotiate time.  Wed thru today I been working on getting back into the groove from our big trip.  All the usual stuff to catch up on, unpack, laundry, massive HW catch up, mail and more mail, cleaning the house, sleep, TV shows, etc.  Baby hurricane has been super needy and not giving me much time.  When he sleeps I need to do the big stuff, like weeding and trimming my front yard (my sat).  Big boy found a new computer game and bugs me constantly to get on the computer.

I am hoping I can get back into it later today. 

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 10/13/10

One day late - trip
Weight = 191.0
Loss = -1.6

Quick note.  I am 100% flabbergasted that I manged to drop weight.  I weighed in Wed am on 10/13 only a few (7 or so) hours after getting off a plane from an 8 day trip.  A trip where I ate and then ate some more.  I spent most of today resting and catching up.  More later.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Job Evaluation

I wanted to blog about my failures at my job.  I wanted to rant and rave how I suck.  I have been in a bit of a negative cloud about my job ever since my baby (#2) starting walking 9 months ago.  Now that he is a full blown toddler I am struggle even more.  Three years ago I went from a chemistry degree holding professional in the pharmaceutical industry to a 100% stay at home momma.

But ....

Time to turn the frown upside down.  Focus on the positive.  My job description.  No really this is just a blurb of a lengthy "resume" for a stay at home mom.  I thought is was cute.
Volunteer position requiring intense training in child development, early childhood behavior, and interpersonal/intergenerational group dynamics. The position also requires advanced training in alternative dispute resolution, and excellent communication skills. There is a strong emphasis on time management, accounts receivable, accounts payable, tracking inventory, procurement, and cost reduction. I am required to with no supervision or guidance, to make quick, crucial and often unprecedented decisions regarding Organization Policy, to effectively guide the Organization in the most profitable direction, to set and meet my own deadlines, and to successfully foresee, and plan for, possible contingencies which may effect the overall direction and health of the Organization.
I can be at school drop off and pick up.  I can hug every ache and pain.  I can experience everything my toddler does because I am always present.  With the exception of my hubby I am the soul that cares for my kids.  I read to my son every night.  I have a car to drive and a house to park it at.  I get to choose how my family eats and what is in my house.

I get to see every giggle, smile and tear from my toddler.

I am free to take care of a sick kid without the pressures of work.  I am free to change my schedule at anytime I want.  I am free to eat bon bons on the couch and watch Oprah.  As if that happens.

Side note:  I have no intention of getting into the mommy wars about being at home vs. working.  The intent is purely to help me focus on the positive I am doing instead of the negativity going on in my head.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Vacation Again

We are heading out of town again.  This trip is far different from the several we have taken the past year. 

The differences
Completely new cities where we have no idea what is available to us.  We are staying in a hotel rather then renting out houses.  We will be eating out more often than all of our previous trips combined.  We don't know where to find the healthier eating out options

The positives
We are going on vacation.  Although vacation and a 19 month old don't compute.  We are staying in suite hotels with kitchenettes.  Both hotels have fitness rooms and indoor pools.  We are packing workout clothes and swimsuits.  I am checking something off my bucket list - New York City.

Both hubby and don't want to gain weight this trip.  On the other hand I also have a few items I want to indulge in.  Oh like our trip to TLC's Cake Boss's Bakery.  Cheesesteak in Philly?  I am excited and very nervous about this trip.  I pray the toddler will be ok.  I hope the 3 days of scheduled rain in NY aren't too bad since we are only there for 3 days.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Weekly Weigh In 10/5/2010

Weight = 192.4
Loss = +0.6

I didn't expect a big loss today.  Not suprised by the gain.  Mother Nature visited Monday and packed a wallop.  I swelled up like a balloon.  I also had a late and heavy dinner last night.

I will out of town until next Tuesday.  Zero computer access.  SCARY!!!!!!  I have some scheduled posts but I won't be making any comments.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

2010 Pictures - Sort Of

Yesterday I posted my heaviest pictures.  I went thru all the summer pictures today and I found a total of 6 pictures of me out of 450, three of which I took holding the camera at arm's length.  I will be asking hubby to take more pictures.  I will have more after this next trip.  I can't believe how few I am in.  Here is a small college of my most recent.  I am about 5 pounds less than these pics.  I will be taking my progress pics hopefully today, I asked my neighbor to help.

I wanted to take out the 2 body shots of me in the pink shirt.  I think I still look lumpy, humpty dumpty.  The shirt is not flattering.  I am in the 190's, so there is fluff and stuff still around but still, hate to see it in pictures.  Is there a difference?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

2007 Pictures - My Heaviest

Below is a collection of pictures from 2007.  This is my heaviest known weight.  Somewhere in the low 230's.  I have a recorded weight of 232 in Nov. 2007, so I could have been higher.  This was 3 years post baby #1.  It was hard to find pictures of me.  I am usually covered by my son.  I am the one taking most of the pics.  Hubby sucks at taking pictures.  And I generally don't like my picture taken.  I am not one of those crazy people who run and hide from cameras, it's just a general dislike.  I am not photogenic and I always look like a tomato no matter what makeup I have on.

These scare the crap out of me.  Especially the one in the light blue shirt.  I know it is a bad angle but geeze look at all the rolls and mounds of fat on me.  Gross.  I wasn't kidding when I said 80% of my weight is in my boobs and tummy. 

One of the rare compliments I received from my Dad this year was "You got your face back".

Friday, October 1, 2010

September in Review

Start Weight = 194.6
End Weight = 190.8
Loss = - 3.8

I did step on the scale today, even though it's not Tuesday my typical weigh in day. Two reasons. One, I am a habitual weigher. Maybe not every day but most days I do. Helps to know where I am and it shows the good (or damage) I did prior to weighing. My second reason for weighing today is for the HOT 100 update.  I am so close to dropping under 190. I can smell it.

How was the month? My September word is adjustment. We (family and I) went from a free and loose vacation filled summer schedule to super scheduling. October will be adding more to the calendar with the start of homework and a few more activities and events. I like being active and busy but on the other hand I do enjoy breathing. Adjustment of my attitude was in order when I decided to skip out on the Triathlon. I think I am still mourning it (it's in 2 days) and it swing me into a depressed state for a week or so.

How are my HOT 100 goals going?

  1. 16.8 pounds to go for my weight. A bit over 2 pounds gone. I am not worried.
  2. Waist from 48 to 44 inches. Only time and exercise will tell.
  3. Water 72 oz. Not problems here. When the weather cool off I have a harder time but water and tea are the only things I drink.
I haven't talked much about this goal. I decided not to run the 3.1 miles. I didn't train for it. I know I could do it but it didn't feel like my time right now. I am going to keep my focus on food and the 3 exercise modes I enjoy: Yoga, walking w/ incline, and circuit / strength training (Boot Camp Style).